Good luck with that.
Luckily, it's not the new year, yet, so I can be mean and sarcastic. I'm jumping on the resolution bandwagon and committing myself to a new, clean, destined to fail lifestyle.
My resolutions for a better year. Please note all of these will be long forgotten by January 15th.
Be a nicer person: Considering this is fighting every strand of my DNA, there's no way this makes it past day 2.
No cigars: Until the snow melts and temperature hits 70. Well, maybe 60.
Recycling more: By this I mean drinking more beer so there are more empties to recycle.
Bettering myself through education: Well past time to get my G.E.D.
Giving other people the benefit of the doubt: Despite everyone being lying assholes.
Showing Wifey more respect: Fine, I'll wear clothes around the house. Man alive!
Getting along better with my coworkers: The ones I like, that is.
Promoting good cheer: Nothing promotes good cheer than alcohol in the work place. This actually ties in with the above item.
Becoming more of a role model to my kids: WOOO AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, man I crack myself up sometimes.
Annoying everyone around me with extra loud music: Done and done.
Monthly card games: Beginning this weekend. I figure last Saturday of every month. This may be in direct conflict with 'Respecting Wifey More' and 'No Cigars', but I'll figure it out as I go.
Watch more TV: This may not be humanly possible, but let's give it a whirl.
Increase exercise routine: This would mean doing ANY exercise. Baby steps, my friends, baby steps.
Respect the elderly: True story - some dope dropped off a huge batch of flowers to our house instead of our elderly neighbor down the street. I don't know this neighbor at all, but figure I'll be the good guy and bring them to her. I ring the bell, she answers (still in her nightgown despite it being 3pm) and I say 'Hi, these were delivered to us by accident'.
She responds 'OH! It is so hard getting old and having to depend on other people for everything. I'm in pain all the time!'.
I stare at her for a few seconds and finally say 'Sorry to hear that. Um, you want these flowers?'
'Yes, thank you. Why did you bring them to me?'
'They were delivered to our house by accident.'
'oh, thank you,' she reaches over and pats me on the chest 'You take care of yourself while you're young so you don't end up like me. I'm in pain all the time and have to depend on other people for everything.'
What's that saying? No good deed goes unpunished? A three minute visit left me feeling suicidal.
On that lovely note, hope everyone has a great New Year's Eve. I'll be lucky to make it until midnight. Getting old and abusing alcohol at the rate I do tends to make you very sleepy.
Today's distraction: Tips on making good on your resolutions. It shouldn't surprise anyone that I followed only one 'Remain Flexible'. I'm assuming abandoning every single one after a week is being flexible.