Saturday, January 27, 2007

Asshole Day

Apparently someone declared yesterday asshole day and neglected to tell me about it. I ran into three different people who gave me attitudes. Maybe it was the skin peeling cold weather or maybe I just got lucky. First the loading dock guy, then some delivery truck driver who couldn't actually drive, and finally King Douchebag of New Hampshire.

I decided to be a good citizen and donate some old stuff to the needy. The place I usually go to was open so I filled up my truck and headed to the 'Live Free or Die' state. I parked in the tiny, tiny lot (maybe 10 spaces total) and proceeded to unload most of my stuff. The woman that worked there helped me with some of the lighter items. As I headed out to pick up the last few pieces, a guy is standing outside a brand new BMW.

"Is this your car?" he asks and points to my truck. I thought maybe I should take the time to explain the difference between a car and a truck, but figured I wanted to get out of there and it was fucking cold!! Plus the tone of his voice told me he wasn't into automotive lessons.


"Can you read?". This stops me in my tracks and I give him the 'Are we going to have a problem' look. He's about my size, but woefully out of shape. Maybe tough once, but has since turned soft. If you're wondering I could be describing me. Only I was never tough. This look I give has gotten me out of tougher spots than this. Not sure what it is, but people tend to back off when I use it. Of course, anyone that knows me doesn't take it seriously. It only works on people that don't know me well.

"Can I read?" I still don't move, waiting for him to explain.

"That's my spot. It's reserved." His voice still has that edge. I turn and look at the wall I've parked at and see nothing. Nothing on the ground either. I walk up and on the wall about the size of two bricks is a plaque that says "Reserved for" then some stupid company name. It's not something you see unless you're really looking for it.

I'm usually an easygoing fellow and get along with nearly everyone, but this scumbag is now number 3 for the day, I'm tired from moving shit for the last hour, it's about 45 below zero before the wind kicks up, and I really want a beer.

"Didn't see that," I say, "Was just unloading some things for donation."

The douche starts with a semi apology/rationalization for his behavior. "Didn't mean to come off rude, but I go through this at least two times a day." Now I'm supposed to feel sorry for him.

"Not with me you don't." And before he can respond, I ask "That the new one?" looking at the Beamer.

"Yeah," a bit uncertainly.

I nod. "Huh, new BMW. Reserved spot. Maybe you should splurge for a bigger sign or move to an office with more parking." He stares at me for a good 10 seconds and gets in his car to wait for me to move my truck.

I know, it wasn't much, but nothing like shitting on someone trying to do a good deed while driving in a $60,000 car and bitching about people taking your reserved space. Then expecting understanding and sympathy from the same guy you just pissed on. Fucking asshole!!

Thanks for listening.

Today's distraction: Take the following test to see if you are an asshole. It's a self evaluating test, so be honest.

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