Friday, January 19, 2007

The Shlongest Yard

Since I'll be on the road over the weekend and won't have access to the internet (I know, it's barbaric!) I wanted to please my one loyal reader (if there is one) and post a distraction for the weekend. Currently touring the strip mall capital of DC, Virginia and Baltimore. Too bad the Pats weren't playing the Ravens, I could have attempted to get into the game and loudly questions Ray Lewis' sexual preferences.

Anyway, back in 1993 two researchers did some extensive investigation into the relationship between height, foot size and penis length. That’s right. They got to measure other guy’s shlongs. Lucky them. I bring this up not to question the validity of the research nor the lucidity of the idea in the first place. Although now that I think of it, perhaps research into the field of voice pitch changes during female orgasms is in order. Or maybe the difference between fake and real boobs: Can you really feel a difference? I would have to take a large sample size to get accurate readings, but I will more then happily sacrifice my time in the name of science.

Where was I?

Oh right, penises. Or is it penii? Whatever. Basically, they found a “weak correlation” between foot size, height and the size of a man’s….well…manhood. I can’t tell you how much this crushes the confidence of six foot one yours truly and his size 12 Nikes. To think I’ve been living in false bravado all these years. Well, no more, my friends. My shoulders are slumped and I will no longer be looking people in the eye. Shaken to the core, I am. Shaken to the core.

Guess it’s time to open one of those two hundred penile enlargement spam emails I get daily. Sad days indeed.

Today’s distraction: Check out some other insane scientific research projects undertaken. Of particular interest is the Rectal Foreign Bodies topic. Some people are just fucked, man. I really want to know what the light bulb person was thinking. How could 6 not be enough? Did any break? Did he give any consideration to those long fluorescent ones? So many questions…

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