Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Skynet, At Your Service

I noticed in the news a few weeks back that Google is on the verge of letting you host your own web page on their site. Free. Right, free! This will make…let’s see..Gmail (with 2Gigs of space), Gtalk (IM), Google Earth (time waster extraordinaire), Google Blogger (as you are reading), Picasa (free picture hosting), and a Calendar that will actually text your phone with reminders. Let’s not forget they just bought YouTube for 8 kazillion dollars. All for free!!

How do they do it? How can they possibly be making money? I have the answer my friends. Google isn’t actually run by people. It’s a conglomeration of computers from all over the world and they are becoming conscious. Google is going to wipe out all of humanity, ala Terminator. Those guys you see as the faces of Google? Not real. You ever meet one? Thought not.

I’m not normally a conspiracy loon, but there’s something I’m not getting. How can Google repeatedly offer all of these services for free and make any kind of money? Sure there are online advertisers, but is that it? Is there some sort of revenue stream they’re gaining that I can’t figure? Probably. Economics ain’t my strong suit as my checking account proves on a monthly basis. Are they run by some billionaire who wants to provide the public a service? Yeah right.

Google is trying to take over the world. There is no other explanation. Suck everyone in with free shit, then brainwash them into slavery. I’m on to you Google, I’m on to you.

Of course, if getting unlimited email, IM, access to state of the art satellite maps and my own web site in exchange to one day being hooked into Google while they suck my brains dry...well...let's just say Google's getting the short end of that deal. Suckers. Now, if you’ll excuse me, my Google Calendar just emailed my phone that it’s time for coffee. OK, Google, I’m coming, calm down.

Today's distraction: Check out the real life Skynet satellites that will end life as we know it. Based in New Jersey the company offers 'fixed satellite solutions'. As opposed to those broken ones that just float around in space doing nothing. Stupid broken satellites. If you click on the SkyNet Fleet link, you can see the complete line of world ending products.



French said...

Uh...Bowen? Haven't you read 1984? I'm not telling you what to do here, man...but get rid of this blog entry NOW. If you don't, you'll be sorry.

BeachBum said...

No worries, friend. If I disappear take up my cause. Google will not succeed without resistance. We will form an underground alliance to take down the mighty machines!! Or we can just cut their fiber optic cables. Should take about 10 minutes. That will show em.

Anonymous said...

You had to write about IT shit huh? What did I tell you about that?


BeachBum said...

This is a general interest story. Everyone uses Google and should be aware of their evil intentions. And, if I may quote from another source: