Monday, February 19, 2007

Balls

"Northwestern University researchers have discovered men with an unusual form of dementia have a higher rate of vasectomy than men the same age who are cognitively normal"

- Science Daily 2/14/07

You getting this? Getting your nuts sliced open makes you more likely to go nuts. But only a certain kind of nuts.

Primary Progressive Aphasia is a neurological disease in which people have trouble recalling and understanding words. Sandra Weintraub, professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and of neurology at Northwestern's Feinberg School of Medicine, led a group study of 47 men with PPA and 57 men who were mentally fit. Turns out 40 percent of the men with PPA had vasectomies while only 16 percent of the unimpaired men had been snipped.

This may be a complete coincidence (although that's a huge difference). As Weintraub herself said "It doesn't mean having a vasectomy will give you this disease, but it may be a risk factor to increase your chance of getting it."

I think it might be something else. Maybe, just maybe, men really do think with their dicks. It's always been sort of a running joke, but there could be something to it. You snip away a part of our manhood and we suddenly have trouble remembering what you call the thing that keeps the water in the sink. You tie our ball sacks in a knot and we can't understand why our friends are calling us 'whipped'.

Look what happens when women treat our genitals with tender loving care. We give flowers, gifts, shower them with all the affection they can tolerate (sometimes more), actually listen and try to change. Soon as it gets ignored we begin grunting and immersing ourselves in football. As soon as it's taken for granted, the flowers and gifts dry up. And as soon as it's cut with a razor sharp scalpel we can't remember shit. There has to be a connection. Maybe our scrotum is directly connected to our cerebellum.

I would really like this study expanded. Do these same men start watching 'Oprah' and 'Desperate Housewives'? Do they get irrational cravings for hot fudge sundaes on the 15th of every month? Is it all just an excuse to explain why they keep forgetting their wives birthdays? Are these guys faking to explain why they forgot to pick up milk and bread for the 5th time in a row? I know men who've gone to much greater lengths to get out of doing chores around the house.

What about the other side? Do women who've had their tubes tied become sane? Wait, I already have the answer to that. It's a resounding no. In fact, it's officially been classified as a "Fuck, NO!!" in the medical journals.

I guess the best reaction would be to stick to my tried and true philosophy. 'Keep any and all sharp objects away from your crotch'. Hard to go wrong following that rule.

Today's distraction: Compete in a tower building competition. The towers are phallic symbols, in case I'm being too subtle. Not something I'm normally accused of, so wasn't sure how to handle it. Seems 'awkwardly' is how.

http://files.gtds.net/games/towerblaster.swf

No comments: