Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Odds and Updates

Wanted to follow up some of my earlier entries and provide links to things I found interesting. Things just keep happening and I'm having trouble keeping up.

The Orion, that quantum computer chip, had a demonstration for reporters last week. It solved a Soduku puzzle, arranged seating and searched for molecules similar to the drug Prilosec. Yeah, but did it try converting MA4 files to MP3s and surf ESPN.COM while fronting a dummy spreadsheet so people think you're doing real work? Thought not. Wuss computer. But at least your wedding seating will be all set.

Here's the full article from Wired, including what this actually means to us. Summary: they have no idea


Lisa Marie Nowak, our diaper wearing astronaut friend has turned into quite the media celebrity. Good for her. If only she were sane enough to appreciate it. She entered a Not Guilty plea at her arraignment, by the way. Riiigght.

Found this sidewalk chalk artist who is amazing. Check out some of this work here:


I got surprisingly little hate mail regarding Asian drivers. This can only mean people have had the same experience as I or nobody is reading this. Could go either way.

My Presidential bid is spinning it's tires. Apparently you need a whole bunch of signatures from actual people to be official. What a load of crap. Instead I'm going with the grass roots campaign and hoping millions of people write me in on the ballot. Too much work going around collecting signatures. Who has time for that?

Oh, and I thought of another item for my platform. I'm mandating nap time for everyone. All employees will be getting a 20 minute nap in the afternoon. I have studies to back me up and everything!! I'll see if I can sneak in a milk and cookies article.

I've used http://www.callthefuture.org/ three times since last week and it's worked every time. I swear these people custom made this site just for me. I don't know them, but I love them like they're my family.

Found two other highly useful sites in my neverending quest to do zero work. The first is for readers only. You enter in a book you enjoyed and it suggests other titles for you.


The next is for travelers and gives you a full rundown on what planes have the best seats and which to look out for. I'm checking with this site before I choose my seat from now on.


It seems that 'Where you should live' quiz is pointing everyone to Miami. Even if you put in mountain ranges as your view preference. Not sure what's up with that. Still Miami is nice. Just go with it.

Someone told me that the most accurate characteristic for a man's penis size does not involve shoe size or height (as that study concluded). You supposedly have a man spread his fingers out and the distance from the tip of his thumb to the tip of his middle finger should be his penis length. Someone else told me it relates to the thickness of his wrists. I also heard it has to do with whether your maternal grandfather was bald, but we may have been talking about hair loss. I kind of zoned out there for a few minutes.

I attempted making one of those office guns, but couldn't get it to work properly. It shoots, but barely. It's like a misfiring rocket launcher. Just pops out and falls straight down onto my desk. Decided just buying a real gun would be easier and more effective for killing fellow employees.

My men's room etiquette suggestions seem to be having a positive effect. Not many offenders since I posted that. However, I no longer share a bathroom with many of my coworkers as I've moved up one floor. Less traffic in my new one.

Watched some NBA over the weekend and realized why most games are becoming unwatchably dull. Free throws. Nobody can shoot free throws anymore. The easiest shot in the game (It's FREE!!) and highly paid pros can't make them. This leads to every potential dunk or layup turning into a hack job. Why give Ben Wallace or Shaq a dunk when you can wrap them up? Odds are with you they'll miss one of the two, often both. Christ, even LeBron blows.

Teams that I know are going to completely fuck me over in this year's March Madness pools: Georgetown, Syracuse (if they get in), Creighton (if they get in), Michigan State (again!). I actually like Michigan State to do some damage this year. Which, of course, means they'll get knocked out in the second round.

Finally, I wound up with quite a puzzle on my hands last week. While painting my hallway, I realized that I would have to continue down the stairs in order to maintain the color continuity. Fine, right? Nope. See the walls stay up high while the stairs go down (or up depending on which direction you're going). The further down the stairs I got, the higher the walls got. I couldn't reach the highest parts. I was on the stairs, so I couldn't put a step ladder up. I could have put one at the bottom of the stairs and run a plank, but my small ladder was encased in 5 inches of ice (stupid winter) and won't be available for use until July. My solution? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Brush Extender 2007 (pictured in all it's glory below). I have patented the invention and will be taking orders. Cost is $150 plus shipping and handling. There is no money back guarantee.

Today's distraction: Let out your inner 8 year old artist. Consider this your approved time to regress to a simpler age before dating, working, drinking and drugging. Wait, scratch those last two.


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