Friday, February 23, 2007


I realize this is a sensitive subject, but breaking taboos is what I'm all about. That and taking great pleasure in making people uncomfortable.

Apparently society has entered a new sexual phase of 'hooking up', a term that could basically mean anything. In my day it was called 'getting laid'. However, I was unlucky enough to spend my college years in the frightful shadow of AIDS. Not the best of times, although many still willingly participated in risky behavior. Myself happily included.

This new term is technically different. It could mean making out. Or it could mean oral sex. Or it could mean fucking the living shit out of each other. It could mean you went fishing together. While the new term is intentionally vague, it all means the same thing. Someone got lucky. Call it whatever you want.

The difference seems to be that our lovely young ladies are more interested in just the sexual aspect of the hookup than any sort of relationship the develops from said encounter. They basically want to be fuck buddies with many of their male friends and often compete with other girl friends to bag as many guys as possible. To which my response was "Sure, NOW this happens!!" I can't shake the feeling I've been gypped.

Of course, since we're living in an alarmist society, everyone is freaked out by this. The girls are 'sluts' and 'putting themselves at risk'. There is even a new term called 'gray rape' in which women feel as responsible for an awkward or unwanted sexual encounter as the male. They think their liberated sexuality and flirtations had as much to do with the sticky situation as the man's actions. While I find this a bit questionable (seems perilously close to 'I was asking for it' mentality) it's their call. I won't argue as long as serial date rapists aren't allowed to continue practicing their despicable hobby.

You can be damn sure there are a lot of parents, so called 'experts' and guys out there cringing at the idea of their daughters and future wives sleeping around with as many guys as possible.

I, for one, think this is a good thing.

First of all, guys participate in this type of behavior all the time. Let's not be hypocritical here, fellas. You wouldn't want your current girlfriend or significant other knowing about certain 'incidents' in your past. Don't think there aren't incidents like that in her past, either. It's the ancient 'double standard' kicking into overdrive. Women shouldn't do what men do. Women should be more selective and demure.

Bullshit! I say women should be as free as any guy. Go out. Have fun. I have three main reasons why:

First: If the lovely ladies didn't act like this, you guys would never get laid. Face it, we're a bunch of idiots. I'm surprised the entire female gender hasn't gone completely lesbian on us. Although, what a show THAT would be! Crap, see? Lesbians enter our heads and we're lost. Even though a majority of lesbians are, let's be frank, repulsive. I say go for it ladies. And don't let the fact I'm married give you pause at all. Shit, was that out loud?

Second: It gives women practice for the real deal. I am aware of most of my wife's sexual past and am perfectly fine with it. She had her share of wild times, but it's all good. You know why? Because I am reaping the benefits. Everything she learned and perfected is now being enjoyed by me. ME!! Suckers!

Lastly, while most of these girls are saying they aren't in it for the romance, a part of them at least is taking stock in what they like and enjoy in a man. By the time they're ready to settle down or get serious they know what qualities they're looking for. Which means, that if they are choosing you it's an informed decision. They know what else is out there. They know what they want. If they're selecting you out of all the other available men, then for fuck's sake, take it as the highest compliment. They could just as easily use you and move on to the next guy (not a bad deal there, either). Something about you has caught and is holding her interest.

Consider it another way: If you wind up getting serious with someone, would you want that someone to know what she likes sexually and knows how to please you at the same time? Or would you want a novice who is learning on the fly? Think of it as a business partnership. Who would you rather go into business with? Someone who has no experience or someone that already knows the ropes?

Besides, if you can keep this great lady (Stay with me. I'm making assumptions) then you should, by extension, feel great about yourself. Nothing feeds a male ego more effectively than knowing you can satisfy a woman both physically and emotionally. Especially when other men have tried and failed.

Their loss is your gain.

Today's distraction: Learn more about women's and your own bodies. Did you know that women blink twice as much as men? Or that your pupils dilate when you look at someone you love AND someone you hate? They don't mention that can often be the same person.


French said...

You've gone completely 'Dr. Phil meets Dr. Ruth' on me, Bowen. What the fuck?

Actually, you say some enlightening things here but there was always something to be said for the girl you dated in college who had NO experience..."How should I do this? Like this? All the way down? But it's uncomfortable...well, if it makes you happy..." Of course I'm not cpeaking from personal experience because my one novice encounter ended up using teeth and thus ruining the idea of oral sex for me, pretty much indefinitely. AWFUL.

Anyway, good work here. It should be published as a prequel to the Bachelor's Grocery List.


BeachBum said...

Your 'teeth' story pretty much made my point for me. Kudos! And I hope you aren't still aren't off oral sex. Although I just realized I'm treading thin ice when it comes to you and DA, so let's just pretend I didn't say anything. Carry on!

French said...

All I will say is that DA's mom once made a comment to me about Jewish women being extremely adept in the oral department.

I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried...whoa, that Monkees line totally wrote itself. Weird.

BeachBum said...

yeah, but what if she's a non practicing Jew?

French said...

Practicing or not, still a Jew, my friend.

BeachBum said...

So she's beautiful AND talented? Damn, man, you've struck the motherload!!

Anonymous said...

Ok, both of you....thats enough


BeachBum said...

Party pooper