Friday, February 9, 2007

Richie Rich

Wifey and I were watching some coma inducing celebrity show (not sure why, but she loves watching this shit) and they did a quick item on two supposedly famous people I had never heard of renewing their vows on their ten year anniversary. It was a nice beach wedding (renewal?) and, in a post interview, the bride kept gushing about how great she looked and what a fantastic marriage she has. I bet my wife they'd be divorced within two years. She didn't find it funny, but wouldn't take the bet either.

After the segment (as they call it in the biz), wifey looks at me and says "How come we didn't renew our vows on our 10 year anniversary?" I was going to remind her that she kicked me out of the house during that time in our marriage, but realized I was way off. That was our 11th anniversary. I decided to answer "Because we have no money and no time".

To which she responded "You're such a killjoy." Hard to argue with that, but I wondered how many other couples viewed the same piece and asked themselves the same question. "Why didn't we do that?"

Here's why: Because celebrities have more time and money than should be legal. These people have nothing to do during their day. NOTHING!! There's a reason Brad Pitt, Mark Wahlberg, Jennifer Aniston, Kate Hudson always look fantastic. It's all they have to do.

You always hear about actors working 18 hour days and going through "Brutal shoots". That doesn't mean they work 18 hour days, it means they were on the set for 18 hours. 90% of the set work on a movie is done by the grunts; Best boy, associate directors, sound men, lighting people, landscapers, set designers, etc. They are the ones that work 15 hours to get the set just right, while the actors sit in their air conditioned, luxury trailers waiting to be called. So what do they do with their time? Exercise, have their personal chefs whip up a low cal, no fat, ice cream treat of which they eat half, and read the latest People to see how they looked in that red dress you'll never see them in again.

Actors and celebrities do not live in real life. They don't live like the rest of us. They get paid millions by movie producers and studios to work out 8 hours a day for 6 months so they look buff for their next action movie. Then they take 6 months off during which time they read through scripts and pick what they want. In the meantime they have luncheons and attend charity events and get all sorts of free stuff they'll never use even though they have more money than some small countries and can afford to buy whatever they want.

Me? I fight my way onto the subway with all the other rat racers, pay for my own Starbuck latte, work 8-10 hours before fighting my way back home. If I'm lucky I'll get to the gym on the weekends. That's if I'm not sick, the kids don't have a birthday party, family obligations or other obstacles don't get in my way. Like my own laziness. That's a big obstacle.

My problem isn't that famous people have a better life than me. I am jealous, no mistake there, though I would be driven to killing and dismembering a member of the press if I had to live like that. My issue is the constant - and I mean CONSTANT - coverage these shows provide. Every stupid little aspect of these morons is scrutinized, covered, analyzed, then done again until something else happens to attract their ADD gaze. How many entertainment shows are there now? 50? 100? There's an entire fucking channel dedicated to following the likes of Tom Cruise and Katey Holmes (TomKat! BARF!!) around. To which I say "WHO CARES??!!" These people are not important to me. I don't care what their baby looks like or how many people attended their wedding. Christ, a good percentage of them are complete imbeciles with personality disorders.

But I can live with this. What I can't live with is them putting ideas into my wife's head. That is when you cross the line!! "Why don't we do that?" Why? Because we're normal and have kids and have jobs to go to and bills to pay. That's why. Fucking 'Access Hollywood' is making my life miserable.

Today's distraction: Pretend you're Brittany Spears and keep your baby away from the police as they attempt to take it away. Great fun. I especially like the voice they use for Spears. So true to life.

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