Spam! spam! spam! spam!
Hope that Monty Python song is now rattling around in your brain the rest of the day. I know, I'm an ass. I get told that ALL the time!
Anyway, I've been noticing a lot of spam coming into both my work and personal email lately but I can't seem to make heads or tails of most of it. Yeah, I get the usual penis enlargement (they don't work - damn them!) and re-mortgaging emails, but some are complete nonsense. Here is an example of one I got at work.
"And whenever her father spoke of sending impatience, while he waited for his share of the feel as if she was doing you a favor all the while."
What the fuck is this? Am I working for the CIA? Whatever it is they're selling, I ain't buying. And you know why? Because I don't know what it IS they're selling. Let's try to figure it out.
'Impatience' - since it's used with 'sending' maybe it's a flower spam?
'Waited for his share of the feel' - porn site?
'she was doing you a favor all the while' - escort service?
Maybe they're secret terrorist messages. If I can just figure out the key I can prevent the next attack. What I can't figure is how someone can spend all this time sending mass amounts of emails with fake originating addresses, but have nothing to say or sell? Why freakin' bother? There isn't even a link to any other site.
So it appears that there a bunch of live-in-mom's-basement techies out there who are sending gibberish to random email addresses. Nice work, fellas (yeah, I'm betting they're male and have no girlfriends). Not only are you annoying everyone in the known universe, but you're not even getting paid for it. At least link to a site. Make it funny or semi entertaining. Even if it's pure nonsense.
You know, like the lives you're currently leading.
Before we get to today's time waster, I wanted to fill you in on a new project I'm embarking on starting tomorrow. It's rather ambitious, which means there is no way in hell it's going to be successful, but what the fuck, let's give it a go. As you'll soon find out, I'm full of great ideas just lack the follow through and motivation to actually complete anything.
Anyway, yesterday my six year old was weighing himself on our bathroom scale and was excited he is almost 60 pounds now. He says "Dad, let's see how much you weigh". I get on and it read 222. I nearly dropped 5 pounds of shit on the floor right then and there. This is officially the heaviest I've ever been.
Therefore, a new routine is being undertaken. Starting tomorrow, March 1st, I'm going on an all out diet/exercise binge. My goal is to lose 15 pounds by the end of the month. That's right 15 pounds in 31 days. I'll post my weight every other Sunday until we get near the end of the month at which point I'll post it more often. Step one happens tomorrow when I weigh myself on the scale at the gym. One at home is a bit squirrely (say it like Veruca) and tends to change on a hourly basis.
I'll post my starting weight tomorrow. I figure the first 10 pounds will be easy, it's that extra 5 that's going to cause problems.
Wish me luck. I'm going to need it. Actually, wish me some motivation and will power. I'll need that more.
Today's distraction: This also doubles as today's gift. It's an anti-spamming site. You can create a fake email address that forwards to your legitimate one. This way when you sign up for some questionable site, you can use this fake one, then get rid of it later. When the company sells the temporary email address to the spammers your temp address will no longer exist. That will teach them! Fuckers!