Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Space Shot

In my never ending quest to keep you informed, entertained and from doing anything useful with your time, I ran across a story about a woman who has redefined the term commitment. The link to the entire story is at the bottom, but here are some highlights.

Lisa Marie Nowak is a NASA astronaut who had a fling with Bill Oefelein, 'another NASA astronaut, which she categorized as "more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship," according to the charging affidavit.' Both Nowak and Oefelein are highly qualified pilots who have flown more than 80 types of aircrafts combined. They both flew on the last Discovery Space Shuttle mission which, I'm guessing, makes them members of the elite 100,000 mile club.

Now, I'm sure it isn't unusual for two working NASA pilots to have an affair (whether it's approved by NASA is another matter), but what makes this story different is what Nowak did after the affair was over.

See, Oefelein was also screwing one Ms. Colleen Shipman, who just so happens to be a Captain in the US Air Force. Nowak learned of Shipman and proceeded to drive from Texas to Orlando in order to meet with Shipman to 'talk to Shipman about their relationships with Oefelein'. Apparently the talk she had planned needed the following items:

- Trench coat
- Wig
- Knife
- BB gun
- Pepper spray
- Latex gloves
- Steel mallet
- Several feet of rubber tubing

Novak waited in the airport for Shipman, who just flew in and followed her to her car. She faked needing some help and when Shipman rolled her window down a bit Novak used the pepper spray. Shipman managed to speed away and called police.

Novak, a mother of three I might add, is charged with attempted kidnapping, battery, and attempted vehicle burglary with battery. She was released on $15,000 bail and is required to wear a GPS anklelet until trial.

But here's where Novak went above and beyond the call of duty. Also found in her car were a box full of diapers. You see, she wore diapers on her 12 hour drive so she didn't have to stop for bathroom breaks. Now that's thinking outside the box!! Or outside the loo, as it were.

While I'm disgusted and somewhat impressed at her endurance, it raises some questions. Like how did she change her own diaper while driving?

Was defecation involved?

Does NASA perform psychological profiles on all pilots?

Who was watching her kids?

How good does this guy need to be in bed before a woman pulls something like this?

Was it a rental car she was driving?

If so, was there cleaning/disinfecting insurance on it?

Did the car wind up with a smell similar to Seinfeld's old car? Where it just wouldn't come out and even an exorcism didn't help?

Considering she seems fairly intelligent and plans well, couldn't she have come up with a less conspicuous disguise than wig and trench coat? Did she think she was in 'Casablanca'?

What was the purpose of the steel mallet? Do I even want to know? I can't help but think of what Mel Gibson's character went through in 'Payback'.

I must humbly admit that I've had women pull similar stunts because of me. But it's usually a complex plan of escape, not due to jealousy.

Here's the entire story:,0,6104316.story?page=1&coll=orl-home-headlines

Today's distraction: Rescue some abandoned astronauts. Mouse driven game, but has sound so turn down your volume if you're at work. Watch out for the asteroids.

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