Friday, March 9, 2007

Cynicism Overload

You know those elevator mini-television sets that give you little news blips. Forget what they're called, but they're in a bunch of office buildings now so people don't actually have to talk to each other and have an excuse to never make eye contact. Could be one of the best ideas ever.

Last week I caught an item about a study that found a woman's desk or work area had twice as much bacteria as a man's area. I read it twice, just to make sure things were registering properly. I don't know what kind of women work in other areas, but I've had several jobs and always found the women in the office to be much neater and cleaner than the men.

Who is always wiping down their desks and using sanitizers on their phones and keyboards? Not men. We barely spend the time to get the crumbs out of our keyboards, never mind swabbing the desk down with antibacterial wipes. It's our desk. We know where we've been. I'm looking at a coffee ring that's been there for weeks. I know it can be wiped off, but I don't have cleaning material around and I certainly don't have the motivation or memory to go get it. If I leave my office for that purpose I always get sidetracked.

Plus I've seen men in the bathroom. I know women can't be as dirty as us. I just know it. Believe me when I say it isn't possible. The ladies are much more neurotic about their hygeine than guys.

So, what the hell is this study saying? Why doesn't it make sense to me or any semi-intelligent person who has held a job? Don't worry, I've investigated for you.

At first I was thinking maybe the woman's monthly visitor had something to do with it. Handling of tampons and all, but it seems to me the ladies would wash before heading back to their desks (if this isn't so, do NOT tell me). Then I thought, maybe they tend to have more knick knacks hanging around. Plants? Thought those were supposed to be healthy. Perfumes? Jewelry? Makeup? Pictures? I was coming up blank.

Until this: 'Study was conducted by Clorox corporation'

Of course. This study isn't scientific. What was their sample for the study anyway? How did they go about it? Did they ambush unsuspecting office workers with crews dressed all in white and rolling bacteria detection carts around? They better have been wearing those white booties around their shoes, cause that can contaminate a site. This is nothing but another way for Clorox to sell merchandise.

In your head, answer the following questions with 'men' or 'women'. In general, who cleans more? Who is more concerned about unseen bacteria? Who does Clorox want scared that there is unseen, dirty bacteria crawling around their workspace? Who is more likely to run out and buy disinfecting wipes?

And there it is. This is nothing but an attempt to get Clorox's biggest customer base to run out and buy even more of their shit. Nearly every working woman thought, 'Crap, I should get those bacterial wipes I use in the bathroom for my cube'. Bingo! Job done.

This raises another issue of whether this item is actually news or an advertisement. Did that elevator service get paid for running that 'news blurb'? If so, shouldn't we be informed of that? I hardly think this is valid, scientific research. I would really like some independant, non-profit company to do their own research and let me know if women really are more unsanitary than men.

On the other hand, why waste the time and money? Most of us already know the answer.

Today's distraction: Find out how dirty you think. I thought the worst on all of them as, I suspect, will the rest of you. The only one I got was the cow/woman one.

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