Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The Legend Of Anna Nicole


I was going to try and stay away from this topic, but an interview with one of Anna Nicole Smith's fans or friends or old lovers (wasn't really sure who this guy was) has put me over the edge (hand motion that indicates 'over the edge').

During this interview, the dipshit let loose with this gem. 'In a way, Anna Nicole can be considered American royalty.'

Now, I suppose 'in a way' all of us could be considered American royalty. Just like this guy could be considered a genius 'in a way'. I'll let pass the assumption that America can even have 'royalty' since we're a purely democratic nation and that the only 'throne' we need to deal with resides in our bathrooms. Let's instead focus on what this nimrod was trying to say. Basically that Anna Nicole was so famous her death was the American equivalent of Princess Diana's death.

Hmmm

Princess Diana - Proper Princess of England using her position of fame and power to bring attention to charities across the world.

Anna Nicole Smith - Drug fueled former model that would do anything to milk out another 15 minutes of fame.


I'll wait until you stop laughing to continue........

Done? Good.

Let's start with Anna Nicole's premature (?) death ranking as one of the least surprising events of the year. Right now I have it just behind Brittany Spears entering rehab. Anyone who has seen A.N.S. slur her way through public appearances and interviews knew something was seriously wrong with this woman. Her denials and protests aside, she was on some heavy duty drugs. After her death, slimy cling-on and personal lawyer (redundant, I know) Howard K Stern admitted she was on so many different medications he couldn't keep them straight. And that was his job!!

Add to this her personal...um...lifestyle where four different men are claiming to be the father of her child (by all accounts, they actually could be, too), her older son's mysterious death and the fight over her body and what we have isn't American royalty. We have the tabloid death of a tabloid created celebrity in a tabloid obsessed society. It's the perfect tabloid storm.

What bothers me isn't the fiasco created by her death. I expect those yellow news shows like E! or Entertainment Tonight to latch onto this story and milk it for all it's worth. It's that legitimate stations like CNN are covering it like it's a real story. Larry King interviewing her mother and not questioning where she's been these last few years or why she never sought help for her daughter. MSNBC or whatever channel I stumbled across, letting this douche compare ANS to Princess Di. Princesses everywhere should be offended. I include Princess Barbie, Princess Cruise Lines and the Princess Bride in that.

I have nothing personal against ANS. I didn't know her and she seemed harmlessly goofy enough. I still can't figure out how she became famous or what appeal she had, but whatever. Stranger people have become more famous than her for smaller reasons (Tiny Tim, anyone?). What's becoming obvious (or more so, actually) is that she was a highly disturbed girl who, instead of surrounding herself with people that actually cared for her, employed sycophantic leaches like Stern to cater to her every whim. People used to ridicule her for marrying that elderly billionaire, but it could turn out he was the one person that may have actually loved and cared for her. Things seemed to go south in a hurry for her when he died. Could it be he was actually a stabilizing force in her life?

Now, just like her life, her death is a circus. Even a Florida judge presiding over a hearing about her final wishes got into it the act by requesting irrelevant personal information about her, harassing the lawyers on both sides and bursting into tears when he read his verdict. It was such a bizarre scene (of course there were cameras in the court room!) that one couldn't help wonder if he was trying to draw attention to himself.

Someone might have suggested showing decorum and common sense is a way to separate yourself from this crowd.

Today's distraction: Take this test and see what member of Anna Nicole's posse you would be. I'd be Kimmie. I don't know who that is, but I'm betting she's still alive.

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