Thursday, March 1, 2007

Remote Control

" MANCHESTER, England, Feb. 20 (UPI) -- British engineers say the development of extendable automobile bumpers might speed the arrival of computer-controlled highways.
University of Manchester scientists say automated highways would eliminate the need for independently driven vehicles. Instead, cars would be controlled via computers, communicating with the vehicles around them to ensure safer journeys."

Wow. I mean WOW! Talk about giving new meaning to computer crash! Are they freakin' kidding?!

As someone that works with technology on a daily basis, this idea is so bad as to be laughable. Trust computers to automatically drive our cars. Let's think about that for a second. Got it? Ok, now think of the last complex spreadsheet you worked on. How often did that crash? How often do you have to restart your computer during the day because things get bogged down? For fuck's sake, you can barely get the Out of Office tool in Outlook to work half the time.

Let's not forget the idiocy of the averge person, too. I envision people reading newspapers and drinking their morning coffee while the driver next to them has moved to the passenger seat to use the bigger visor mirror to shave. After the first 50 car pile up, they'll all wonder why the computers didn't put their brakes on for them. It's like having computers automatically fly our airplanes!

Wait! Now that I think of it, how could this possibly be worse than the lunatics we have driving around now? Maybe this isn't such a bad idea. I live in Boston, the comfortable home of Road Rage. If computers controlled the cars on the highways, maybe things would run smoother. Automated courtesy moves like allowing someone coming onto the highway in front of you. Being unable to run a red light. Someone coming onto the highway not driving 20 miles an hour while riding the brakes and nearly killing everyone around them. This has potential.

I would offer some features. Like if there are too many cars on a main bridge or highway, the computers decide who the biggest asshole drivers are and drives them off the side. Get them out of the way once and for all. Or how about entering in coordinates and having some sexy voice direct you there. Like a navigation system. How cool would that be? What?

My biggest concern would be the systems having bugs or viruses in it. Like mistaking a tractor trailer truck for an exit ramp. That would be bad. And hackers will always try to find a way to fuck things up. I'm guessing these things would have wireless built into them. That just leaves them open for all sorts of mischief. Wonder if you could remote control a car or the highway system? Who hasn't seen the airport scene in 'Die Hard 2'? Exactly!

Plus we all know who'll be buying up and distributing these systems. That's right. Google. They'll be one step closer to world domination. Bastards.

Today's Distraction: An challenging, addictive game called Virus. Try to spread colors until the entire frame is uniform. You only have a certain number of moves, so choose carefully.

Weight Watcher: Today's starting weight is 223. I was wearing sneakers and sweats. Will try to weigh myself on the same scale around the same time of day every Sunday. Challenge is to get to 208 by end of the month. And so you know how tough this will really be, I refuse to give up beer. I mean how can I with Evacuation Day coming up?

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