Monday, March 5, 2007

Unraveling Old Threads

More random thoughts and sites.

I've found a way to officially launch my Presidential bid. Feel free to throw yourself into the fray. I will post myself as soon as I find an appropriate picture. No way in hell I'm posting myself up there. I want to win, after all.

Found out exactly how many Starbuck Lattes it would take to kill me. 129.44 Grandes would do the trick. 133.67 cans of Diet Coke would do the same. This must mean all at once, since I would be long since dead and smelling real bad if it meant long term. Find out how many of your favorite caffeine drinks it would take to kill you.

Read about a Montreal woman who was sentenced to 4 years in prison for lighting her boyfriend's cock on fire. She doused his privates with fondue fluid and lit him up. The story ended saying the man 'died last year of unrelated causes'. Sorry, but once you get your dick barbecued in fondue any death is related. Also added was the latest entry into the 'No Shit Hall of Fame' with the statement that he 'had difficulty getting into relationships after what happened.' Can you imagine? 'You know, I'd really like to get it on, but I'm still sore from my last skin graft'. Unrelated death, my ass.

Saw a demonstration of Lexus' new self parking feature on YouTube last week. Seriously, what the fuck? It takes longer to input what you want the car to do then it would take to actually park the thing yourself. I can't wait for the first assault and battery directly resulting from this gadget to happen. Someone will be sitting in their new Lexus trying to get the self parking feature to work and some other guy who actually knows how to parallel park himself pulls in to the spot before him. It will happen. And it will happen in either Boston or New York.

As if Boston wasn't enough of a laughing stock by providing Aqua Teen Hunger Force the best publicity money didn't need to buy. Now there is a wise ass going around labeling every day objects with a 'Don't worry this is not a bomb' stickers. I'm sure the Mayor is outraged, but damn this is funny.

Two things occurred over the weekend that has already threatened my weight loss challenge. The first was a major shipment of Girl Scout cookies delivered to my door. I really can't resist any of them. Peanut butter, thin mints, carmel, shortbread. I'm fucked.

The second event happened when I got myself all properly motivated for the gym on Saturday morning, got there to discover it closed for repairs. With all the melting snow and rain the roof was leaking.

Fortunately, I received proper motivation on Sunday morning. As there are only two readers of this blog, they know exactly what I'm talking about. Nothing like good old fashioned competition to get me moving.

Watched parts, but not all, of a bunch of college hoop games over the weekend. Wasn't impressed by anything I saw, though it was nice to see Florida get back in line. Also noticed Creighton did indeed get themselves into the tournament yesterday. Watch out for them. They could wreak havoc in the office pools.

One thing that is driving me crazy watching bball lately. A majority of players are resorting to that little 'jump step', as it's called, instead of just taking the usual two steps to the hoop. First of all, officially that's called 'travelling' or 'up and down'. If you pick up your dribble, jump up, then come down it's travelling. Same for switching your pivot foot (right, Shaq?). So, refs, either call it or legalize it. You can't have it both ways. For the record, I blame Dominique Wilkins for this trend.

Lastly, today, I would like to rant against all wives, girlfriends, life partners, what ever you want to call them who decide to become 'affectionate' (to phrase it mildly) with their significant others, then, in the after glow, say something to the effect 'I think I'm coming down with something. I don't feel so hot'. Really? That's fucking great. Maybe you should have brought that to my attention before hand. That would have been nice. This, of course, means in 7-10 days I'll be feverish, achy and cursing my wife, who is in that current state right now. Except for the cursing herself part.

And, for those in the know, 7 days would be the 12th of March. I think she might be a witch. Seriously.

Today's distraction: My new addiction (like I need another). Keep the balls away from the drain. It's sort of an opposite 'break out' type game and quite enjoyable.

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