Monday, April 16, 2007

Second Thoughts

Some follow up from previous posts and random links:

Found a fascinating article written by Timothy Noah that reviews other racist/sexist/insensitive remarks uttered by Don Imus. I never listen to the show, so I had no idea this was his brand of 'humor'. When you reading through them (they're at the bottom) let me know if you laugh at any of the comments. Also found Newsweek's take on Imus back in 1999 interesting. Describing him as 'the perfect voice for an age that prizes irony over solemnity.' If the author defines 'irony' as completely lacking in humor, than I wholeheartedly agree.

Glad to see the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby was finally figured out. Congratulations to...uh....well, I have no idea what his name is, but he seemed happy to be the dad as he jumped up and down and did a fist pump. Wonder if he'll be doing that when he realizes he actually has to take care of the baby? Personally, I was rooting for Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband only because it would have given me a week's worth of material. Oh, well.

I've also reconsidered my take on the comment that Anna Nicole could be considered the American version of Princess Di. If there was one person that epitomized the American way of over indulgence, celebrity without any discernible trace of talent, drug abuse and obesity it was Smith. My apologies.

Those of you not from Boston should know that about 90% of the time it rains here umbrellas are completely useless. That's because it gets so windy they get turned inside out and upside down and like to go skipping down the street free from human hands. It is fun to watch people keep trying, though. Your best bet is to get a rain slicker with a hood.

Boston Marathon is today (Forecast: freakin' hurricane) and I was wondering if all the favored Kenyan runners have ever experienced weather like this before. I'm betting no. I was kind of hoping for 8 feet of snow just to see the look on their faces. Maybe next year.

By the way, if the wind is at the runner's backs, expect a world record to be set. Judging by the gusts, they should finish in about 45 minutes. The wheelchairs in about 10. Now, if the wind is in their faces, figure 6 hours. Good luck, runners!

While I'll enjoy watching the masochists run the marathon in this weather, it also means my favorite Patriot's Day event has been cancelled: The Red Sox day game. Would it be a bad thing to add a retractable roof to Fenway? I say no.

Now that I think of it, would it be a bad thing to add a retractable roof to Boston? Again, I say no. Expensive, maybe, but not bad.

Since it's such a shitty day out, here is something to cheer you up. I particularly like the polar bear cub which everyone thinks is so adorable. I hope they realize this thing will quickly grow into an animal that would be happy to rip them limb from limb. Not that I'm cynical or anything, just realistic.

For the record, here's my happy place.

Check out the picture below. It's the perfect American invention. It's a pill box with an electronic reminder so you never forget when to take you valium or viagra or any other prescription drug you may be addicted to. The tragedy is this comes out AFTER Anna Nicole dies. This thing could have saved her life!!!

I was just looking at the Red Sox schedule and see the SF Giants and Big Head, Steroid Bonds are playing the weekend of June 15th. This means there is a very good chance Bonds could hit the record breaking home run in Fenway. This pisses me off and I am hereby imploring any fan that catches that ball to throw it back on the field. It's a tainted record anyway and would show Bonds we don't believe in his 756.

In fact, this goes out to any fan anywhere that catches said home run. Throw it back!! If you could swing it, stick a hypodermic needle in it, then throw it back. If you aren't able to smuggle in a needle, then put a big glob of cream on it.

And finally, check out the map below on the differences between men and women's shopping habits. Perfect!

Today's distraction: Since the Sox game is rained out, play some baseball yourself. I was actually trying to find one that would let you bean Bonds, but came up empty.

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