Thursday, May 10, 2007

Crap Morning

Yesterday morning, I awoke to glorious weather. The boys had slept all night and I was refreshed and ready for the day. I get the boys dressed and they are cooperative and happy. Not usually this way, for the record. Often they fight me to put a shirt on or can't decide what they want for breakfast or don't want to brush their teeth. Not so this day!

I bring them downstairs and get them fed and they are watching Spongebob and laughing and just in a generally good mood. Things are going well. I open the windows and begin making lunches for school while wifey takes a shower and gets herself ready. Just then - OW! Sharp pain in my foot. I hobble over to the coach to see if I can pull out whatever it is I stepped on. Since it feels like a splinter, I get the tweezers and try to get the fucker out.

No good. Can't even see it, never mind grab a hold of it. I get the nail clippers and start digging. Feels like I got it until I start walking again and the stabbing returns. What the FUCK!?? Sit back down and really go at it. I don't want to be walking around like this all day. Want to get it out before I head to work. Dig away, more blood than should be for a splinter, still can't get it out.

Wifey comes downstairs and I say to the boys, 'get something on your feet cause I don't want you stepping on anything'. Wife says 'Oh, I broke a glass last night. Thought I got it all'. I say 'Great, that glass is now in my foot.' To which she says 'Well you shouldn't be walking around barefoot'. She says this knowing I walk around barefoot ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I say 'I wouldn't have been walking around barefoot if I knew you broke a glass last night.'

As you can see, my glorious morning quickly went to shit. As I write this, that fucking piece of whatever is still in my foot. I doubled up the socks and went to work. Hopefully it will loosen and soften up in the shower so I can get it out later.

This also got me thinking about how many different ways a day or morning can be ruined by one little detail or problem. Mornings are the catalysts for the rest of your day. Below are things that have personally happened to me that ruined an otherwise perfect morning. Feel free to add your own.

For the record, I've left out two mornings when I've learned about the death of a loved one. Not minimizing them, just that the news and loss ruined more than one day.

No hot water. The worst. You wake up, eat, iron your clothes, go to shower and it's ice cold. Not only can you not shower properly, but most likely you will know have to call in sick to work and wait for a plumber to arrive or call your landlord and let them know. At the very least, you're going to be late for work and look pretty shitty when you get there.

Flat tire. Close second to no hot water. Not only are you going to be late, but you'll be dirty and need to take another shower after putting that ridiculous looking toy wheel on. Compounds ten fold when it's a hot summer morning. Like in August. When the humidity makes it feel like 120 degrees out at 7am. Good times.

Waking up sick. Not a head cold or even flu. I can handle those, but that 'man it's beautiful out today. Think I'm going.....' then suddenly having to run to the bathroom due to stomach issues.

Injury. The glass in the foot is minor compared to some of the things I've done. Cutting myself on a cat food can, throwing my back out picking up the laundry basket, falling down a set of icy stairs on the way out the front door. Nothing ruins a morning quicker than intense, unexpected pain.

Environmental Disaster. Living in Malden, wifey and I were woken up by firefighters pounding on our door. Looking up at me on the second story balcony he asks 'You have any children in there?' Me answering 'Whhhyyyyy??' Not the question you want asked at 4 am. 'There's an ammonia leak next door. We're telling everyone to evacuate the area.' And here I thought the cats had pissed on the carpet.

Sick kids. Nothing gets you out of bed faster than the sound of your child retching in the next room. Cleaning up before you've had coffee isn't the most ideal way to start a day.

No heat. Close relation to no hot water. If you own your house, you're missing some work and will probably be waiting around in the freezing cold until someone shows up.

Ceiling leak. Either from outside or the upstairs shower leaking downstairs, there is no more horrifying site than dripping water. One suggestion, if you want to deal with it later, but not worry about damage: drill a hole in the center of the leak. This way the water will get out quickly and dry and you can go to work and figure things out when you get home.

Blackout: Surprisingly, this hasn't happened too often and even when it does it's merely an inconvenience. Of course, I don't blow dry my hair and can shower in the dark. There are worse things then going to work with wrinkled clothes. Women would probably move this up to number 2.

Weather: Waking up and realizing it snowed about 10 inches over night. That sucks. I also hate planning a day off during the summer only to wake up to unpredicted, pouring rain.

My grandparents have me beat on every count, though. One morning, after a particularly riotous, overnight thunderstorm they walked into their kitchen to find a tree had fallen through the window. Damage wasn't as bad as it first appeared, but I can't imagine anything more troublesome than finding a forest of branches in your kitchen when you're still barely awake.

Today's distraction: 6 Great Ways to Start Your Day. Personally, think these are great, but since I'm pressed for time in the morning I'm combining three of them. From now on I'm doing Yoga and eating a balanced meal while stretching in the shower.


French said...

Picturing you going ass over tea kettle down some icy stairs made my day a little better.

A few things I'll add on here:

1. Stubbing your tow on your way to the bathroom, grabbing your foot and then conqequently losing your balance and hitting your head on the wall as you fall down. Awesome.

2. Going to get in the shower at your usual time and finding your roommate taking a dump instead. Not only do you have to wait, but you then have to shower amidst the hot stench of his foul shit. Hasn't happened lately, but happened a lot when I lived with two dudes in Woburn and had only one bathroom.

3. Fumbling with your toothbrush and accidentally jabbing it into your gums, causing them to bleed and ultimately creating a canker sore that will last a week. I hate this one and it happens a lot. I have GOT to slow down when brushing my teeth.

BeachBum said...

You just reminded me of another one. Accidentally dropping something into the toilet. Be it a toothbrush, hair brush, cell phone, whatever. That is no way to start the day.

I should have added leg cramps, too. My right calf has a habit of cramping up so bad I have to jump out of bed and stand up to make it stop. It's quite painful and I can never get back to sleep after it happens.

Stupid legs.