Monday, May 14, 2007

I Rule!

Here's a question: Who's better than me?

Answer: Nobody.

Saturday's entry about King Dickwad (aka Herod) was my 100th blog entry. That's right, this blog is now ready for syndication. You can catch old entries on CW56 every night at 5pm EST. Check your local listings.

Since none of you loyal readers (if you exist) have the common decency to congratulate me, I'm going to have to do it myself. As the saying goes, if you want something done right....

By the way, this is entry 101 so you are already late with your well wishes and congratulations and sexual favors and cash. Just forget it. Christ, I slave for minutes a day to put this together and this is the thanks I get. You can all just bite me.

A matching game for today. Could be the easiest one in history, too. I put some of my favorite quotes from previous entries in the top section. In the bottom section are possible topics and/or people I was referring to. Simply match the number to the letter. Or vice versa. Or don't play at all. See if I care!

There is a trick one in here. See if you can guess which one is not my quote.

A: "a talentless hag who thinks acting simultaneously shrill, condescending and hypocritical makes her interesting"

B: "underground tunnel that is dripping what looks like anti-freeze"

C: "Your life makes me laugh....but you knew that. And we're clear how pathetic this is, right?"

D: "one word that exemplifies the difference between men and women more than any other"

E: "He's a chain smoking, former basketball player who has the most addictive personality I've ever witnessed"

F: "Stupid broken satellites"

G: "Always leave a buffer zone"

H: "I punched her a couple of times, but it was totally in self defense"

I: "Man alive, this is the best we could do?"

J: "They both flew on the last Discovery Space Shuttle mission which, I'm guessing, makes them members of the elite 100,000 mile club."

K: "didn't even freakin' exist when I was a kid"

L: "What I can't live with is them putting ideas into my wife's head"

M: "once Iraqi men get one and Iraqi women know how to give a proper one making bombs will be the last thing on anyone's mind"

N: "A staggeringly simple, yet profoundly genius invention that I will be using and abusing for the rest of my life"

O: "I can't shake the feeling I've been gypped"

P: "was hoping they would name it Keep The Fuck Out Act"

Q: "I may never be heard from again"

R: "burn just as much, if not more, going out as they do going in"

S: "I'm a fucking idiot"

T: "a conspiracy backed by CVS, Rite Aid and Walgreens to drum up more business"

U: "I got dibs on San Diego"

V: "My problem is not people. Just people I don't know"

W: "best written show on TV"

X: "delighted to announce that ________ has become the most common plastic surgery procedure in the U.S."

Y: "You need something so ridiculous and borderline asinine that people sit up and take notice"

Z: "I rule!"

1: Rosie O'Donnell
2: French Embassy
3: Trick one!
4: Fart
5: Childhood Friend
6: Broken Satellites
7: Urinal etiquette
8: Other Woman
9: Super Bowl
10: Lisa Marie Nowak & Bill Oefelein
11: Disney Channel
12: Entertainment Shows
13: Blowjobs
14: www.callthefuture.org
15: New Female Sexual Behavior
16: New Border Fence
17: DirecTV, DVR, March Madness Combo
18: JJ Foley's Buffalo Chicken Tenders
19: March Madness (though could apply to all entries)
20: Supposed Terrorist Plots
21: Post Apocalyptic World
22: People
23: 'House'
24: Breast Augmentation
25: Getting your band noticed
26: How great I am

Today's distraction: What, that game wasn't enough for you? Fine. Then try this game that sums up this blog perfectly.

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