Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Bachelor Party

'Let's have a bachelor party with chicks and guns and fire trucks and hookers and drugs and booze!'

One of my oldest friends has finally decided to make things official between himself and his live in girlfriend of...crap...I don't know...a really long time. At least 5 years. He is getting married and has asked me to be his best man. Sorry, I should capitalize that to make it seem more important. I am going to be Best Man! Yeah, that's more like it.

As anyone knows, the Best Man is the one who gets to plan the bachelor party. And, as anyone knows, if I'm planning the bachelor party there is a very good chance this wedding may never happen. Hey, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't make sure he was aware of all his options. Exactly! No kind of friend at all.

As is always the case, his girl is trying to interject herself into the planning of said BP. I introduced the highly regarded idea of a few of us flying to Vegas for a long weekend. This was met with wifey giving me the 'Over my dead body' look, his fiancee drunkenly replying 'No fucking way' before spilling her espresso martini all over my $300 coat and him resisting my repeated attempts to just go to Vegas anyway and tell our women another story. He really wants to go, I can tell, but he knows no good will come of it.

In his defense, he makes the solid point that we would wind up either never being heard from again, in jail, married to some prostitute (high class, of course) we met at the craps table, or spending the rest of our natural lives sitting by the bar that has direct view of the topless pool. He neglected to mention losing all our money and drinking ourselves to death ala John Bonham and Bon Scott. All kidding aside, at least three of the above scenarios would happen. There is no doubt about it.

So with Vegas out of the equation, I've got some planning to do. His girl suggested 'Why don't you have a cookout at our place, then rent a van or limo and ride down to Foxwoods for the night.'

First of all, the only reason she wants us to hang at their place is so she can keep an eye on us. She's already made me promise no strippers, which, for a BP is almost like promising not to drink. Secondly, I'm not about to waste 4 hours of my party time sitting in a van while we cruise down to Foxwoods and back like a bunch of retirees on a Sunday morning after our Social Security checks came in. Thanks, anyway.

I've come up with some ideas. Please, leave ideas and/or comments. I need all the help I can get. There will be approximately 8-10 guys, almost all live in and around the Boston area. I figure to keep things fairly local for the benefit of everyone.

Jillian's/Felt/Any Other Pool Place: I actually like this idea a lot. Rent out a place that we can just hang out, play some pool, shoot some darts, drink massive amounts of beer, and have food catered on site. Will save on travel and clean up time. Plus, if we're in the Boston area whoever wants to stay on for the duration can hit the bar scene when we get sick of the room. And, if some random strippers show up unexpectedly, then what can we possibly do about it? One possible drawback would be me spending over a thousand dollars on booze. Again.

Sox Game Followed by Boozefest: Problem number one would be getting enough tickets for the game and you'll have more luck getting your hands on the Holy Grail than on 10 tickets seated together. It would be cheaper too. Plus my buddy is six foot eight and doesn't exactly 'fit' into the Fenway seats. Another option would be to take that simple Fenway tour just to get a good look at the park, then make it a day of boozing. Haven't looked into that yet.

Booze Cruise: The idea of being stuck in the middle of the harbor for 4 hours drinking $6 beer out of a can isn't really that appealing. Maybe that's just me.

PaintBall: Me and my buddy have actually done this a few times and had a blast. The problem would then be getting everyone showered (cause you sweat like a pig) and hooked up again for the actual party section of the day.

LaserTag: Wifey suggested this one and was met with 'That would be a great idea....if we were 12.' She hasn't offered any further suggestions, except to say divorce would be imminent if I followed through with the Vegas idea. She might know me a little too well.

Foxwoods: I'm keeping this idea on the list if man of honor really wants to do it. I think he'll go for the Jillians idea when he hears it as will the other gents involved.

Patriots Preseason Game: This is another one I'm high on. The trick will be pulling it off. The party won't take place until end of August - mid September depending on the availability of the other guys. If we can get enough tickets (and to a preseason game, how could we not?) we go see the Pats and spend all day tailgating. Possible con would be having to drive home after drinking all day. Still, this would be fun and it would double as a throw back day for us as we used to do this all the time when the Pats sucked and the stands were half empty.

Strip Club Tour: I offer this just for spite, although it would be fun to see how seedy and nasty we'd be willing to go.

That's it for me. My well of debauchery and depravity is running dry. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll have other moments of inspiration. I can't stem the flow of my alcoholic creativity.

As always, I'm open to any suggestions.

Today's distraction: One of the funniest sites I've seen in a while. One ingenious gentleman has created a site for the sole purpose of tracking what he and his girlfriend have argued about, including, but certainly not limited to, how to hang laundry and how to cut a kiwi.


French said...

We're doing a day trip of deep sea fishing for my buddy in a few weeks...then dinner on Cape Cod. The newest rumor is that we're also getting a party bus for transport, so that the guests can drink themselves into comas and sleep on the party bus instead of dying on the way home.

BeachBum said...

I did deep sea fishing for another friend's party and the big problem with that is we had to be up at 4:30 (that would be AM), on the boat by 5, and seasick by 5:45.

I wasn't part of the seasick crew (I actually slept like a baby while the boat rocked me to la la land) but nearly everyone else was heaving up their breakfasts.

Plus I'm not much for fishing. Although I am much for drinking, which is what I did for the entire day. Will add this to the list and see if the others are up for it. We could always do a half day trip and combine it with something else.