Monday, July 23, 2007

Women Rule

An article in Psychology Today highlighted '10 politically incorrect truths about human nature'. Behavior, that may be considered racist, sexist, or completely against societal norms. Here are a few examples:

- Most suicide bombers are Muslim. Shocking, I know!!

- Men really do prefer blonds and women want to look like them.

- Humans are naturally polygamous, BUT, polygamy actually benefits the females more than the males. To be honest, I don't care who it benefits, let's just roll with human nature. This item is going to get it's own entry at some point, too.

- This one is my personal favorites - beautiful people have more daughters than sons. No idea why this is, but if it means more hot chicks in the world.....

While all of the above are interesting (well, except the Muslims) what really caught my eye were three items regarding men and their behavior. First is the entry about 'What Bill Gates and Paul McCartney have in common with criminals', which delves into why creative, criminal and/or innovative men become less so as they age.

This is something I have always been interested in. How does someone so artistic and creative just decide to stop writing songs or painting pictures or making movies? I always figured that the creative flow isn't something that can be stemmed or controlled. It just is and you give it an outlet when it arrives. The entry compares crime and creativity in that they may both be ways in which younger men display their naturally competitive desires.

What are they competing for? Why women, of course. Everything men do in their younger years (late teens to late 20s mostly) involves getting the attention of the most beautiful women. As any male reading this can tell you, this is no news flash. I cringe remembering the stupid things I've done to get the attention of, say, the hottie in History class or the girl I worked with who was just about to get married. Um...not that I've done anything crazy that resulted in suspension or getting someone to do something they would not want their significant other to know about. You know what? Let's just drop it. I was young and foolish and horny. So it goes.

So why crime? As this article states: 'In the physical competition for mates, those who are competitive may act violently toward their male rivals. Men who are less inclined toward crime and violence may express their competitiveness through their creative activities'.

Unfortunately for most of us stupid primate males, we often didn't realize we had a creative side until after we joined in the 'physical competition' for mates. That's why teenage boys tend to get into fist fights for basically no reason at all. It's also why our fighting, creativity, and innovative ideas tend to dwindle as we get older. We've got the woman, we've achieved some sort of financial security (although I would argue that being married infers NEVER having financial security, especially if wifey likes to shop and buy stupid things that we have no use for. Oy!), and, probably more importantly, we have our children. Studies have shown that criminals that have children are less likely to continue their aggressive behavior.

Article again: 'The cost of competition, however, rises dramatically when a man has children, when his energies and resources are put to better use protecting and investing in them'. I know I don't go out partying nearly as much since I've had the boys. Doing the boys night out once in a while is still fun, but the odds of fights, arrests, etc aren't really worth the risk when you have two impressionable kids at home.

But wait there's more! Number 8 on this list is how the male midlife crisis is a myth. That the middle aged man isn't acting out because of his age, but because of his wife's age. That's right, when women hit the age of menopause, their husbands rush out and buy a shiny red sports car or a boat or start working out again, not because they're worrying about aging, but because - subconsciously or not - they're trying to attract a younger, healthier woman to replace his current wife.

Hold on. One more. Number 9 says it's 'natural for politicians to risk everything for an affair' but only if the politician is a man. Article again: 'Betzig points out that while powerful men throughout Western history have married monogamously (only one legal wife at a time), they have always mated polygynously (they had lovers, concubines, and female slaves)'. The Betzig they refer to is Darwian historian Laura Betzig who points out that powerful men throughout Western history have a very high reproductive rate. That they use their position of power to have sex with as many women as they can. Thomas Jefferson meet the world. The world, Thomas Jefferson.

You sensing a trend? If it's that men suck, then you're only half right. If it's that men will do anything, risk anything, say anything, or buy anything to attract the most beautiful women in the world, then you are right on! Basically men may have the positions of power (although that is quickly changing) but we will always bend to the will of the women that surround us. And those women doesn't necessarily have to be our wives. In fact, since we're naturally polygamous, it would involve many different women.

Basically everything we, as men, do involves trying to impress the girls. Gates didn't invent Microsoft to become rich and famous, he was trying to get laid. Rich and famous was just a way to get there. Beethoven wasn't trying to become timeless, he was probably courting some cute girl who lived down the street. Men have waged wars, painted, murdered, stolen, written, composed, lied, invented, joined teams, changed jersey numbers (sorry French), been suspended from high school, and, above all, made complete jack asses of ourselves in order to get some.

Why do you think so many young boys fantasize about becoming a famous athlete? Only part of it is the competitive side of things. Only part of it is the financial reward. The majority of the reason is because women are attracted to athletic men. If they are rich, famous and athletic, well then BINGO!! You can basically have your pick of the women throwing themselves at you. What guy reading this wouldn't trade places with Tom Brady in a millisecond?

So, yes, as men we do suck at times, but it's your fault, ladies. Stop being so damn beautiful and gracious and sexy and attractive and funny and we will stop trying to impress you despite our relationship status. Not that I would ever do such a thing. I'm just speaking for all the other men in the world who don't have my supernatural will power to resist your feminine charms.

Will power!!!! (Fist in the air)

Today's distraction: As a tribute to men everywhere, I give you The Stupid Test. Gotta admit I did horribly on this. But that's really no shock, now, is it?

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