Thursday, March 13, 2008

Crappy Relationship

According to this absolutely insane story, a woman spent two years sitting on a toilet.

Yes, you read that correctly. She sat on a toilet with her pants around her ankles for two years. And that's not even the insane part. The really crazy thing is she had a boyfriend!

Pam Babcock, who has the most fitting name possible for someone that sat on a toilet for two years (only Bobcock would have been better) developed a strange phobia about wiping her ass apparently and was brought food and water by her boyfriend. She spent so long on the toilet the authorities had to remove the seat to get her out. Her skin had actually grown around it.

For you guys that take their time attending to business, you know how uncomfortable your legs get by just sitting on the john for 20 minutes. Two years? TWO FUCKING YEARS!!????

This is lunacy at it's most incomprehensible. So many questions....

Why didn't the boyfriend do anything?

'I should have gotten help for her sooner; I admit that. But after a while, you kind of get used to it,' was his reply to reporters. 'It just kind of happened one day; she went in and had been in there a little while, the next time it was a little longer. Then she got it in her head she was going to stay -- like it was a safe place for her'.

Is anyone surprised this happened in Kansas? No offense, Hammen, but seriously, even you couldn't have been shocked by that development. The only place less surprising would have been Idaho.

Where did the boyfriend go this whole time?

Sadly, don't think we have an answer for this one. The residence looks like a trailer so I'm guessing there weren't multiple bathrooms, unless the bucket in the backyard counts. I can't imagine this guy having friends that would let him use their bathroom.

Why didn't her boyfriend do anything?

He claimed he would ask her every day to come out and she would answer 'Maybe tomorrow'. Hey, that's not doing nothing.

What the fuck?

Hey, I'm with ya....

Wait, if they were boyfriend/girlfriend was there any hanky panky?

If you read between the lines, I would think yes. Boyfriend claimed that other than her being in the bathroom their relationship was 'otherwise normal'. If you define normal as 'totally fucking insane'.

Why did the boyfriend finally call for help?

He became concerned when Babcock seemed groggy and disoriented. Maybe she thought she was in a public restroom instead of her own.

Seriously, what the fuck?


What was the police reaction to the situation?

The same as ours basically. According to the County Sheriff charges are being considered against the boyfriend, but 'She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body'. In other words, she was not forced to stay on the toilet unless you count her crippling phobia of anthing not bathroom related.

Is there any hope for this woman?

She is currently under evaluation, but just the fact she's no longer got a toilet seat stuck to her ass is a positive step. We know her legs atrophied and she will bear the brunt of toilet jokes and puns the rest of her life. Other than that, she's just dandy.

What's next for the boyfriend?

No clue. My bet is he'll wait for Babcock for an appropriate time, then try relationships with the Bearded Lady or Sigourney Weaver's character from 'Copycat'. If she's still alive.

Anything else we should know?

The County Sheriff's name is Whipple. Figure on a mass of 'Squeeze the Charmin' jokes from Jay Leno the rest of this week.

Today's distraction: Use Google Drive to familiarize yourself with Wichita, Kansas. Unsurprisingly, there aren't many streets as part of Google. You get the main freeway and that's it. Still, type in other cities below and have fun with it.


Jim Hammen said...

The only thing about that story that isn't downright shocking is that they lived in a trailer. I would've bet every cent I own on that.

Anonymous said...

Mom: "Mike, what did you learn in school today?"
Me: "Nothing in school today Ma, but I learned that human skin can grow on a toilet seat from this guy's blog."

BeachBum said...

Around! It can grow around a toilet seat.