Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Playing The Percentages

Since the economy is currently circling around the toilet; getting ready to take the plunge into the sewer system, our company just gave us a good news/bad news scenario. The bad news is nobody will be getting raises this year. The good news is we'll still have a job.

It's better than having layoffs, that's for sure. Plus they've decided that certain positions would not be filled after a person leaves. This makes some sense as most of the people that work here really don't do anything. I would fall under that umbrella, if you're wondering.

What bothers me is the cost of living rising by 3%, while my income stays where it is. Actually, in this Bush World, the cost of living will be going much higher than 3%.

Well, fuck this! Considering my usual raises range between five and ten percent, I am hereby cutting my work load by ten percent. I rounded up just to be safe.

As of today I will no longer be doing the following:

- Answering the phone (approximately 3% of my day. I don't usually answer, anyway)

- Answering stupid questions....wait, this takes up 80% of my day so that won't work.

- Reading emails (app 5% of my day). I'll still respond to them as that takes up more of my time, but I refuse to read what I'm responding to.

- No more conference calls.

Wait a minute, this is in direct opposition to my scheme to drive the new hire from my office. Dammit, I'm screwed now!

Fine, as of this moment, I'm only giving 90% effort towards my job. No, that's not right, either. I haven't given 100% since I started working her. Typically, I'm around 75%, so let's cut that by 10%. As of now, I'm only giving 65%.

There, that should do it. That extra 10% will go towards this blog. Considering I only give 20% of my effort towards this, expect it to now be 30%. That still allows 5% of my time for just fucking around.

Don't expect a 10% increase in quality here, though (what is 10% of crap, anyway). Most likely I'll put in my usual half assed effort and spend an extra 10% of my time trying to find things to write about.

To hell with it. All these numbers are confusing me. Let's just say that I'll put 50% of my effort into my job and the other 50% will fall under the general 'fucking around' section of my day. This will include this blog, jokes, drinking on the job and watching 'South Park' and 'Family Guy' clips online.

KISS is my life's motto, ya know - Keep It Simple, Stupid.

Simple it is.

Today's distraction: Compare the cost of living in your city with other cities. I compared my salary with some places I would consider moving to and was shocked. San Diego and San Jose would be 10%-16% more expensive to live. Houses valued here at $425,000 would cost over 800K there. Yikes!

According to this, the best places to move would be the Tampa area or Austin, Texas. Cost of living would be 25%-29% lower in those areas. I would consider Atlanta, too. That's comparable to Austin.


French said...

This blog actually made me laugh out loud.

When are we having beers again? How about tomorrow night? DA needs some Bowen face time I think. Can you arrange this with this big cheese?

BeachBum said...

Sorry, dude. I'm in Atlanta until Tuesday. Next week?

Jim Hammen said...

I speak for everyone when I say this is good news.

Anonymous said...

I've gone cross-eyed due to the abhorrent amount of numbers in this post. Nevertheless, I'm glad to hear you're sticking it to the man. I stuck it to the man once, but I was really drunk and it was on a dare. He never called back ...