Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Spring Cleaning

Need to empty out the old noggin'.

- I tried, I really tried getting into the Masters, but there is just something about watching other people play golf in beautiful weather that frustrates me. It makes me want to go outside and play. Not golf, just anything. I'll go shoot hoops or play catch with the boys. Anything other than sitting in front of the tv set.

- Seven year old had his first minor league practice on Sunday and in a simulated game he made an unassisted triple play. I shit you not. Bases loaded, no outs. He was playing third, caught a pop up, then tagged out a runner who left second without tagging up and stepped on the base to get the guy on third who ran for home. This provoked the coach to bring everyone together to explain why everyone was out and the inning was over.

My boy's grin during the entire conversation made me realize he just accomplished a seven year old's dream. They're too little to be hitting home runs, yet, so this is the next best thing. He'll be talking about this for years. To put it in perspective, let's list the comparable events at different ages. This if for boys only.

Ages 8-10: Making a great play in a game. Usually they're still learning the game so the minimum of screw ups is usually a positive. But if they get a good hit or make a nice play on a hard hit ball, they're glowing.

Ages 11-13: Any game winning hit, shot, play in an organized sport. This makes them the star of the team and playground legend for at least a week.

Ages 13-15: Hitting walk off homer then discovering the cutest girl in your class likes you. Not just likes, but likes likes!

Ages 16-18: Discovering what 'likes likes' can entail. Suddenly sports don't seem so important.

Ages 19-21: The realization that there are many, many, many other cute girls in the world and they don't all have to like like you in order to have fun with them. Winning the game is nice, but usually takes a back seat in during this age.

Ages 22-25: Landing a prime job for a company you thought it would be great to work for.

Ages 26-30: Finding a job you actually like for more money than you think is necessary and, by landing this job, the hottest girl you know finally decides you might be worth investigating further. Marrying hot girl then discovering hot girl enjoys picking up other hot girls at random bars so you can both enjoy them.

What?

Ages 31-40: Hitting a hundred million dollar lottery so you never have to work at that job you used to like ever, ever again. Maybe having a kid.

Ages 41-death: Making sure your payments are on time and your kids don't wind up in jail or dancing next to a stripper pole. Anything else is gravy.

- Must admit I couldn't get that in to the Sox - Yankees series this past weekend. I watched a lot of it, but it's just too early. The weather felt like late December most of the time and when it was pleasant it rained like a son of a bitch. I think the long, multiple delays during Saturday's game had a lot to do with it.

- Speaking of which, when the Sox game finally resumed it was the ninth inning and Papelbon was pitching for the final out in the game when suddenly.....Nascar came on. Seven year old and I had the look of wild animals for a minute. Fox finally announced that the rest of the game will be shown on FX. Well, damned if I have ever watched that channel and I had to race through the on screen guide to find it. We turned it on just in time to see the handshakes all around. What the holy hell was that? Fox turns to a Nascar race in the Boston area right at the climax of a one run Red Sox - Yankee game? What bright boy thought that was a good idea? There wasn't even a warning. Just the race announcers stating that the rest of the game would be on FX. Nice work, Fox, you fucking scumbags. Maybe I was involved in the games after all.

- Speaking of sport scumbags, check out this insulting article in which David Stern defends the new owner of the Seattle Supersonics. This even after emails were released that specifically stated the owner never intended to stay in Seattle and his sole purpose for buying the team was to move them to Oklahoma City. I hope they are forced to stay in Seattle until the lease expires, no fans go to any of the games so they lose tens of millions of dollars, then the move to Oklahoma City blows up in their faces and everyone involved loses millions. This could be the beginning of the end for Stern.

- You think your parents are hard to deal with, this poor woman has you all beat. While clearing out her mother's apartment following her death, she found a dead body wrapped in plastic and crammed into a closet. Turns out her roommate's been missing for a while. As if this weren't bizarre enough, it turns out the family of the missing roommate would stop by for a visit, but they were never allowed in. Did they question anything or ask to even speak to the woman? Apparently not. In fact, they hadn't seen or talked to her in years. YEARS!!! They must have really loved that woman.

- On a lighter and more productive note, a company called BlueFire Ethanol wants to setup refineries to create ethanol. But not corn, they'll use a process that creates ethanol from landfill areas. According to this article 'Landfill operators pay about $6 a ton to get rid of their trash. By converting it to ethanol the operators eliminate this cost and can qualify for carbon credits. BlueFire operates the ethanol refinery and then sells the fuel'. Not enough for you? Well, this process costs 30-40% less then it takes to create ethanol than the standard corn based process. Score!!

- In what Indonesian men are now calling 'Black Wednesday', massage parlors are locking down female masseuses. Literally. They're making them padlock their skirts and pants in an effort to cut down on the prostitution in the parlors. I can only assume this means no more happy endings in Indonesia. Pity.

- In just a few weeks, my kayak will be in the water.

- Ever been frustrated and tempted to put your fist through your monitor because you can't load your favorite porn site or this fantastic blog? I know it's your favorite site on the internet. It's ok to admit it! The University of Washington may have an explanation. Seems some internet requests get lost in 'informational black holes'. In a comforting summation one researcher says 'When we started this project, we really didn't expect to find so many problems'.

- As if school life weren't discouraging enough, now comes word that wearing a backpack could result in loss of fine motor skill and shoulder fatigue. Seems the straps from backpacks carrying heavy loads can restrict the blood flow of an important vein. You can read this article for the details if you want. Personally, I think this is just the first step towards the male purse.

- Last month there was an update on the mummified dinosaur that was discovered in North Dakota, which has inspired both a National Geographic special, a children's book, and my own theory on global warming. Yeah, I know, but this is my blog and I'll write what I want. Try and keep an open mind.

My theory is that the earth is simply warming up to it's natural state. That the earth is supposed to be warm and tropical. How else do we explain dinosaurs in North Dakota? Bear with me. When dinosaurs lived, the earth was one big rain forest. Then a meteor hits, causes massive sun loss due to ash blocking out the sun. This ushers in the Ice Age which basically kills every cold blooded animal on earth, most bugs, and that cute squirrel thing from the 'Ice Age' movies. Since that time earth has been steadily warming up to where it was before the Ice Age. Sure, our pollutants have accelerated the process, but I don't think we're going to be able to stop it.

Alright, need to get to work. Until next time....

Today's distraction: Check out this Cincinnati student who wants to arm a bunch of students so they can defend themselves in case some nutcase decides to begin another VT type mass murder spree. I see beer keg incident written all over this movement.

4 comments:

thepowerof10 said...

For me, ages 16 through 18 were spot on with your description. However, I found that the more I excelled in sports the more girls I could get to "like like" me and so forth, so I kept my eyes on the prize as well.

Good work here, I enjoy collections of random thoughts and I am sure that I could fill my blog with nothing but them ... even if it led to the eventual dismissal of the four people who still actually read it.

BeachBum said...

I totally agree. The line between sports and girls becomes blurred the older you get. For me, it swung towards the girls around 16 years of age. Sports were still fun and mattered, but to a much lesser extent than ever before.

What's strange is when we hit our late 20's, early 30's (whenever we settle down) we start looking to participate in more sports.

Hammen said...

Sports have always meant as much to me as girls. Sadly.

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