Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Lack of Regret

I was going to apologize for not posting yesterday, but realized I wasn’t all that sorry. Sure, I let down all five (and dwindling) readers of mine, but there were three things that prevented me from writing:

1: Work has been insanely busy lately, thus limiting the amount of time I had to put any thoughts onto virtual paper.

2: My home internet connection has been down since last week. I have Verizon DSL and, as anyone with Verizon can tell you, dealing with their tech support isn’t the most pleasant experience. I’m convinced their first level of support are homeless people they’ve dragged in off the street.

‘Have a quarter, sir?’

‘Actually, can you read?’


‘Want to work with Verizon? You just have to read off this paper and walk people through things they’ve probably already done three times.’

‘uh….I guess….isn’t there someone more qualified for this?’

‘Ha! You’re a funny guy! That’s good! Besides, we figure you’re used to seeing the rude, ugly side of people. Now you can just do it over the phone and get paid for it!’

‘Ok, what do I need to do?’

‘Just shower and show up at this address on Monday morning. Thanks!’

‘Wait! Can I drink on the job?’

‘Sure! Nobody will no the difference anyway. Hell, they’ll just be happy you don’t have an Indian accent. See ya Monday!’

This led to me spending 48 minutes on the phone with Alex (no, not some cute sounding girl, either) so he could tell me what I already knew: There was a problem with my line! Thanks, Alex. Hope you’re enjoying your Peppermint Schnapps.

3: And most importantly, I had absolutely nothing to write about. I considered throwing some bullshit together to make my quota until I realized I don’t have a quota. I’m not getting paid for this, after all. I used to think the ‘Daily Diversions’ of the title should really mean I divert your attention daily.

Of course, that would mean posting on Saturdays and Sundays, too and there ain’t no way in hell that’s happening. I spend enough time on my computer at work. I don’t want to spend more time on it at home unless it involves downloading new (preferably free) music or some bootlegged sex tape of a Hollywood hottie. No, Paris, I don’t mean you.

So rather than bore you with some inferior entry when I had nothing to say, I decided to wait until today to bore you with some inferior entry…which….I really have nothing to say. Huh. That’s weird.

Whatever. Off we go.

- I’ve been playing Tiger Woods ‘08 on the Wii for the last month and can’t recommend it enough. It’s addictive and challenging and fun and you even get a slight workout from it. The morning after my first game my sides were sore. Of course, I’m old and decrepit, but still. Sadly, I may have to cut back as wifey is getting ready to file papers against me. Despite repeated requests for clarification, she hasn’t specified whether said papers would be divorce or commitment. One of them would be totally worth it.

- Last weekend was going great right up until Sunday night - around 7pm - when my seven year old got hit dead in his right eye with a waffle ball bat. His eye swelled up so much he couldn’t open it for three hours. He was a trooper, though and kept icing it down until he could open it without it hurting. Monday morning it was still a bit swollen with a huge scratch on the upper eyelid. He, being a boy, was all excited to get to school to tell all his baseball friends how he survived a bat in the eye. I’m sure him crying for more than 30 minutes will get cut from the final version.

- Everyone in Boston is freaking out that the Celtics can’t seem to win a road game in the playoffs. Yes, it’s cause for concern. Especially since they’ve looked old, tired and lackadaisical, but let’s keep in mind the same thing is happening in every other series except Detroit – Orlando. Everybody calm down and see if they turn things around in Boston. I still think the Celtics take it in six.

- For some reason, my fingernails are growing at warp speed. I just cut them last week and already they need it again. Am I growing extra fast because it’s spring? Why do our fingernails seem to grow faster than our toenails?

- I caught the Bill Russell – Kevin Garnett interview before game 3 last weekend where Russell promises to ‘share’ one of his championships with Garnett if he doesn’t manage to win one. Coming back from the first part of that, Stuart Scott says to the viewers ‘If you don’t have goosebumps watching that….you just aren’t human’. Look, it was nice and all, but goosebumps must be earned with some sort of spontaneous or unexpected event. Manufacturing a sit down with two great players and scoring it with sappy piano music isn’t going to do it. I enjoyed the run in Russell and Garnett had where Russell tells Garnett he’s his favorite player to watch. Garnett seemed sincerely humbled by that comment. Still, no goosebumps.

- While we’re here. My top sports related ‘goosebump’ moments. In no order as these are off the top of my head.

2004 Red Sox World Series

First Patriot Super Bowl win

The entire 1986 Celtics’ playoff run

The Gold Medal presentation for the 1980 U.S. men’s hockey team where Eruzione motions the entire team to join him on the podium

Bird’s 60 point game where even the Atlanta fans and players were cheering for him

The end of Michael Jordan’s ‘Flu Game’ where he nearly collapses in Scottie Pippen’s arms

Ted Williams at the 1999 All Star Game in Fenway Park

Pedro striking out Barry Larkin, Larry Walker, Sammy Sosa, and Mark Mcgwire in consecutive at bats in that same All Star Game

Joe Carter winning the World Series for the Toronto Blue Jays

Bird stealing the ball and passing to DJ for the layup

Henderson’s steal and layup against the Lakers

Pete Sampras sobbing uncontrollably while playing a match after the death of his long time trainer

Can’t think of any others at the moment.

- Man alive, even ex-Yankees are piling on the current team.

- Two things to keep in mind about this story. First, this happened in Australia where beer is not only a prime commodity, but a true lifestyle choice. Second, it happened in Australia.

- Can anyone tell me if ‘The Incredible Hulk’ is a sequel to ‘Hulk’ or is just another version of it? I can’t tell from the previews or from anything written about it.

- Speaking of previews, it’s becoming more apparent that nothing sells a movie like anticipation. My seven year old went to see ‘Iron Man’ over the weekend and all he could talk about were the two previews he saw instead of the actual movie. He’s all pumped for the new Hulk movie and was freaked by the new Batman movie because of the Joker. When I asked him how ‘Iron Man’ was he said, ‘Oh, yeah it was ok. A lot of people got killed.’

- To prove I’m not a heartless, unfeeling bastard, I bought my wife the new 8gig iPod Nano for Mother’s Day. She has the Shuffle, but was always complaining that she couldn’t fit enough of her songs on it. So, last night I walk in the door and she hands me the new iPod before I even get my coat off. ‘Can you fix this?’ I look at it and it’s completely in Japanese. ‘What…?’ ‘I accidentally set the language to Japanese and can’t get it back to English’. So I spent the next 30 minutes going through Asian characters until I saw ‘English’. That was fun.

Today’s distraction: A gallery dedicated to everyone pumping in $50 every gas station visit. Cars that are being designed to travel 100 miles per gallon are already in development. Let’s just hope they don’t wind up looking like these borderline bicycles and are safer then they appear. Some of these will be found in the wheel well of a Ford Excursion. Enjoy and imagine what could be…..


Anonymous said...

I so want to see "Iron Man." Can you press your seven-year old for a better review?

Hammen said...

I have always wondered about fingernails, toenails, and the rate of growth of them, and why fingernails grow faster.

The goosebump thing could easily be its own post. A really sweet post. I may have to look into that...

Hammen said...

just so we're clear, that means I'm gonna steal that idea about goosebumps and sports and write my own blog about it.

BeachBum said...

I got it, Hammen. Take it and run with it.

son pere said...

Don't know if I can forgive you for missing a day's posting. Starting a day without your posting is like, for me anyway, starting the day without breakfast. If I don't have any breakfast, my entire day is wasted, useless, no fun!!

I agree with you regarding the people who populate "help desks", the so-called "techies" hired to help out the technologically challenged. How can they help if they can't even speak English?? I was, in a prior live, responsible for running an in-house "help desk" at the last company I worked for. The most difficult part of that job was hiring people who could actually "HELP", or wanted to.

I have found, though, that if you ask to speak to a manager, you usually get a much better class of techie who can actually help you.

Good luck with that!

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

The new hulk movie is just another version, so not a sequel. After the last one didn't do so well they wanted to redo the whole thing. Kind of like the punisher, except hopefully this one won't suck.

Clayton Bigsby said...

My Qwest Modem recently went to shit on me. Sometimes I hate the interwebs.