Monday, May 19, 2008

Weekend Updates

Some events from the weekend that was. Let’s break it down by categories today.

It’s A Small World

Spent Friday night at my buddy’s place. Met his new dog (or his substitute child in this case), watched the wedding video of his wedding and basically just hung out. We had to watch the video because I gave the best man speech. Therefore, I had to avoid watching myself on television for 10 minutes. Not sure why, but I can’t stand watching myself. It’s almost pathological. I survived fine thanks to Mr. Beer.

Anyway, we were shooting the shit and buddy of mine mentioned that he’s back working in Boston. He’s a carpenter/construction worker so he bounces around a lot. He tells me what building he was working in and says ‘They have a great Starbucks there!’. I say ‘Dude, that’s my building’. He pauses. ‘It is?’ ‘Where were you working?’ I ask, already knowing the answer. ‘The 17th floor.’

Of course. All last week there was working going on directly above my office. I could hear drilling, pounding and even them running cables just above my ceiling. I’m on 16 and my best friend was working about 50 feet from me all week. Go figure.

Cheater, cheater, never beater

My brothers and I took our 17 year old nephew paint balling for his birthday and got into a pissing match with those guys that take everything in their lives too seriously. We do this recreationally (maybe twice a year), but these douchebags are the type that spend two grand on their own guns and dress like ninjas. I’m betting they don’t have girlfriends and have read ‘The Art of War’ repeatedly.

Anyway, somehow we wound up with two groups and ours was hopelessly outnumbered. We were getting slaughtered nearly every time, but it wasn’t until the fourth go round that we figured out why. First, one group had 38 people in it. Our group had 17. You can see how that might be a problem. Me and my bros were the last of our group and we were taking out large numbers of people and yet they still kept coming. At one point I ran out of ammo and did a suicide run to see if I could get to the flag. I wound up taking two in the leg and one right behind my ear that left a huge welt. Still it was fun.

Up until we discovered reason number 2: The dicks we started referring to as ‘The Green Berets’ were cheating. In ‘The Village’ battle I hit one square in the face mask. Now in these games, when you are hit you are out. Not so with these guys. I saw him duck down, then come right back up again with his face mask wiped clear and he kept firing away. What the fuck? So not only were we fighting double our numbers it was more like triple our numbers as a third of their army wouldn’t leave the game.

On one of the capture the flag games, one of the guys that had the flag had his visor covered in paint. He had obviously been hit, but kept playing anyway. When someone spoke up between games one of the Green Berets told us to ‘Quit whining!’. That’s when I said ‘I see. It’s ok for you to cheat but when we say something it’s whining?’. He opened his mouth to say something, gave me the once over and shut up. I was bigger than him by at least six inches and was ready to shoot him in the face if he said one more obnoxious thing. I think he caught that vibe.

There is a happy ending to this. Eventually the refs evened out the teams and guess who joined us? Yeah! The Green Berets! I don’t need to tell you I ‘accidentally’ shot one of them in the back. It’s easy to get confused in the heat of battle.

Game 7

While I thoroughly enjoyed the Pierce/Lebron duel yesterday, can we please cease and desist with the Bird/Dominique parallels. Half of both their points came from the free throw line. While the B/D duel was jumper, followed by driving dunk, followed by three point bomb the P/L duel (especially in the fourth quarter) was Pierce at the free throw line, Lebron fouled again, Pierce fouled again. Sure the numbers looked great at the end of the game, but the only real excitement came when Lebron hit two three pointers in a row.

And while we’re here; I was ready to string Doc Rivers up by his short hairs the entire second half. Lebron’s having his way with the game, keeping his team in a season ending game and he never double teams him. Not once! It was only the most effective strategy of the first two games and he doesn’t employ it once in a game seven when the one player from either team that can single handedly win the game for his team is going off for 45 points.

Ladies and gentleman, Doc Rivers. I’m now convinced the Celtics will not win the championship this year. Not with this guy making the decisions.

Sox Nation

The Red Sox looked good this weekend. Despite the Friday night rainout, they swept the Brewers and looked like their old self for the first time in weeks. Papi hit two homers yesterday and is looking like his old self. Dice K is quietly have a solid season. Manny is his usual self. Even Pedoria, Youk, and Ellsbury are hitting.

Even better, the Yankees got killed by the Mets this weekend. Overall, a fun baseball weekend.

Injury Report

I emerged from paintball with very few injuries to report which, considering my advanced age, is a major success. I have a huge bump behind my left ear, a few bruises on my shins and knees and a nice scrape on my hand, but it’s all good.

What isn’t good is a massive blister on my left heel. I wore my old boots and thought they were broken in, but when I got home I noticed a big flap of skin hanging off my foot. I pulled it off and didn’t think too much of it until I stepped into the shower.

YEEEE OUCH! When I got out I noticed a huge circular hole where the skin used to be. Only now it’s red raw and sore as a bastard! Even better was how it would ooze the rest of the weekend and soak through band aids and socks. Good times!!

Still, it was worth it. Got in a work out, shot some douchebags in the back and face, and reasserted my manhood.

Just what the Celtics need to do in this series against Detroit. Reassert your manhood!

Today’s distraction: Using body parts to make some creative art designs. Not nearly as erotic as it sounds. I noticed a lot of these use the hands and it made me wonder what these artists do in their free time. Like create a 'date' that they completely take advantage of with some hand lotion and tissues? What? I'm just sayin'....


Hammen said...

Those were exactly my thoughts on the LeBron/Pierce "duel." It's not tough to rack up points when you're at the line every other trip. Plus it's boring as shit.

BeachBum said...

ESPN is trying to pimp yesterday's game as 'Best Game Seven of All Time?' during last night's SportsCenter and nobody was having it. Even while I was watching it I didn't think so.

It was entertaining, but it wasn't 'call your friends to make sure they're not missing this' exciting. Not by a long shot.