Thursday, June 19, 2008

March On!

My plan today was to hit the Celtics parade, take some crappy pictures of cute girls in tight Celtic Championship shirts, then place another half assed post in this generous space.

As always my plan didn’t pan out the way I wanted.

To begin with, there were WAYY more people coming into the city than I thought possible. I forgot that most schools are out, thus everyone was bringing their kids into the city for the celebration. I work less than two blocks from the main parade route and made an attempt to see the trucks cruise by, but it was already 30 – 40 people deep at 10:30 this morning.

I also forgot another important, yet often over looked, aspect of these things: Nearly half the crowd is drunk off their asses before they even arrive. Don’t let the 11:15 am start time fool you at all. One friend told me there were high school kids on the train sharing a bottle of Southern Comfort. And it wasn’t even 9 am!

Still, I always have a contingency plan. I’m just going to pretend I made it to the parade and had a front row seat. Faking it: The next best thing! Hey, that should be the motto of this blog.

Here’s Garnett soaking everything in. I must say that of all the championship trophies, the NBA’s is the coolest. The Super Bowl trophy is nice, but it always looks banged up on television. Like 100,000 people have passed it around. I bet if they made it gold it would look better. Silver shows all the flaws and fingerprints.

By the way, don’t ask how I managed to get this close. I’m slippery and can talk my way out of any situation. Plus I made a fake PRESS badge using an old shoebox and permanent marker.

Here’s Pierce who held onto his MVP trophy all day. That cigar, by the way, was given to him by Red Auerbach just before he died and he has been holding onto it for nearly two years. He told me this personally. Not Pierce, Auerbach. I'm betting it was a stale smoke.

Some typically crappy signs with equally mediocre sayings scribbled on them. Seriously, this is the best you could come up with? My eight year old has better ideas than that. One other note here. See that guy with the cigar looking right at the camera…er…me? The running theme of the day (besides the liquored up teens) was everyone smoking shitty cigars and stinking up the city. If you’re going to celebrate, at least get a nice cigar so everyone around you doesn’t get nauseous.

There’s Rondo, who was put in the last truck and nowhere close to the trophy. Even his own teammates don’t think he deserves to hold it. In all seriousness, I forgot to salute his play in yesterday’s entry. That was the Rondo from all season long. Scrappy, annoying and all over the place.

If you’re wondering how I got this shot, I have a 53 inch vertical leap and stabilization control on my camera.

Here we have two polar opposites. One guy has two great signs, my favorite saying ‘4 million won’t buy you this ring’. The guy with the Garnett jersey has one checking off the local teams that have won a championship. However, he’s checked off the Pats for some reason, which means he either has blocked out the last Super Bowl from his memory or he’s a complete moron. Considering his other sign ends with ‘Your mama’ I’m leaning towards the moron theory.

Is there anything less intimidating than cops on twelve speeds? I can outrun these bikes (especially in a crowd) and I’m 40 and out of shape. Unless they come with handlebar mounted tasers that can shoot hundreds of feet, there is nothing these officers could do to me.

I found it uplifting to see all the young Celtic fans enjoying their first Celtic championship. Until I remembered not one of them could stay awake for any of the games.

Some die hard fans who apparently don’t have enough friends. Two more, guys. All you needed were two more friends.

Sadly, this is the best I could do in the ‘cute girl’ category. I’m 90% sure they’re 15 years old and bulimic. What I find absolutely fascinating is none of them are on a cell phone!! This could be the first recorded evidence that teenage girls can survive in the wild without texting.

More fans who’ve creatively found a way to recycle those dopey New Year’s Eve glasses. You threw yours out, didn’t you? Suckers! I really like the girl’s shirt with the two nicknames for Garnett and Pierce, then simply Ray below that. Allen is so bland we can’t even come up with a nickname for him. How about ‘Shooter’? Or ‘Dead Eye Allen’?

The celebration continues. I had to climb up a street light to get this photo. Hey, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my loyal readers.

Look closely at this picture. This is what Boston has been like all day. See those nut jobs trying to high five everyone in their general vicinity? They’ve most likely been drinking since before breakfast and just did some lines to get themselves totally pumped for the parade. They also probably didn’t watch one game this entire season and have the price tags hanging off their jerseys.

Last and definitely not least

Sometimes a picture really does say it all. I may need to frame this one.

Today’s distraction: Great article by the underrated Jackie MacMullen about the path Paul Pierce has taken. She pulls no punches, which is why I like her writing.


Hammen said...

I left a comment on here yesterday, but it mysteriously disappered into the Matrix. Oh well, it sucked anyway, much like this one.

Anonymous said...

So if you're 90% sure those girls are 15 ... then that means there's a 10% chance that I don't have to feel guilty for the thoughts that ran through my head just now. Good for me.

BeachBum said...

You should feel 90% guilty. Just like all the other times.