Friday, June 6, 2008

Puttering Around

I have it figured this way. It’s Friday and it’s summer and that combo always produces a very slow work day. Especially from lunch time on.

Now, I’m a working schmuck (I use the term ‘working’ as being at work) and am fully aware that having something to divert my attention from the boredom of my work life is always welcome. Hell, it’s why I started this blog. I feel your pain.

Therefore, I am opening up the vaults. Here are some things to keep you entertained, educated and distracted from doing any real work.

Enjoy, friends. I’m here for you.

- Besides, according to this article, blogging is good for your health. No kidding. Research shows that writing ‘improves memory and sleep, boosts immune cell activity and reduces viral load in AIDS patients, and even speeds healing after surgery.’ While I can’t testify for the last two (honestly!), I really haven’t improved my sleeping or memory at all. That could just be me, though.

- Or it could be because of this. Although, let’s be honest, if you have smoked 5 joints a day for 20 years (what this research considers ‘heavy users’) you probably have bigger concerns than your hippocampus. Like where your car went or where all those bugs crawling over the ceiling came from and why they’re all singing ‘Macarena’.

Two quick updates from past posts:

1: Researchers at University of Leicester have found an even more scientifically awesome way to catch the bad guys. It’s proving so effective that it’s giving law enforcement hope for solving long unsolved cases. This new method involves applying an electric charge to a metal (like…oh….I don’t know…A GUN!) which has been ‘coated in a fine conducting powder’ to ‘visualize’ the print. Even better is this method works even if the person wiped down the gun or even washed it with soap and water.

According to Dr John Bond (you think he introduces himself as Bond….John Bond? I know I would), ‘The technique works on everything from bullet casings to machine guns. Even if heat vaporises normal clues, police will be able to prove who handled a particular gun’.

On the other hand, the person could just wear gloves.

2: Apparently, my warnings are going unheeded as some dipshits have just created a self replicating machine. No, I’m not kidding, although it’s nice they throw in a picture of the Terminator robot to make my point for me. In fact, here is one sentence from the article: ‘it will be greeted with some trepidation: robots that can reproduce feature in the novels of Isaac Asimov and the Terminator movies, often with disastrous consequences for humanity’.

Yes, thanks for bringing that up. Even better, the process of replicating itself has been dubbed ‘addictive fabrication’. Fucking fantastic. Not only are we allowing robots to build their own human eradication army, but they’ll be enjoying it (and probably hating themselves for enjoying it) at the same time. How can smart people be so stupid?

- Years and years ago, I was at a party that was hosted by my first cousin. I met and got along famously with a very attractive young lady. We spent a good part of the night joking around and feeling out the possibility of something potentially happening. As we were enjoying each other’s company, my cousin came up and said ‘Oh, you two met?’ We gave him a blank look. ‘She’s my other cousin,’ he said and walked away. We both looked at each other and uttered ‘You’re his cousin, too!’ at the same time. Horrified, we both said awkward goodbyes and slunk away from each other feeling dirty.

I bring this up because incest has been getting quite the publicity lately. While most states have bans on incest (duh!), some half cousins are questioning whether they fall into the category of incest. The courts have said no and even my sister, when she heard the story of me nearly scoring my cousin said to me ‘She’s not blood related to you, you know’. To which I said, ‘Maybe not, but we’re related in SOME way and that’s enough for me’.

- Speaking of inbreeding, there is a new study out that found flies bred for intelligence die younger. Something about the neurons needed to be smart sap the life energy. If this happens to be true for people, I’ll be living forever. Between stupidity and beer consumption, I’m in the driver’s seat, baby!!!!

- While we’re here, did you see that drinking alcohol can cut the chances of you developing rheumatoid arthritis by 40-55% depending on how much you drink. In fact, the more you drink the less likely you are to develop it. Like I needed one more reason to be a raging alcoholic. Hell, like I need any reason….

OK, on to the games from last night.

- Celtics took game 1, but it was anything but a convincing win. I’m appalled that Doc continues to play Sam Cassell over Eddie House. Yes, he had some good baskets in the first half, but he couldn’t do anything right in the second and I lost count how many times I uttered ‘Oh, C’mon Cassell!’

The knee injury to Pierce was heart stopping. If he was lost then so was the title. The utter astonishment and silence of the Boston crowd said it all.

I was so disappointed with the Celtics last night. Handing out white ‘Gotta Beat LA’ shirts (white? Couldn’t go all green, at least?), fireworks, video prompts to cheer, and cheerleaders in a circle during introductions. Red just spun like the Tasmanian devil in his grave last night. The worst part was the loud PA system and music completely drowned out the crowd reaction. I couldn’t hear them boo or cheer at all. From now on, can we just do straight intros? Please? Think of it as a tribute to Red.

I was reminded I missed two wildcard possibilities with this series in my rundown.

First, Kendrick Perkins gets no calls from the refs. I mean ever. He even got called for a loose ball foul that was actually Derek Fisher rolling into the back of his legs and knocking him to the ground. Maybe he needs to whine and protest like everyone else.

Second, the stunning inconsistency of the referees in general. If Stern wants to address an issue with the NBA, he should start there. It’s become a running joke in the league if not a downright embarrassment. Last night wasn’t even that bad and I could count 5 fouls off the top of my head that were called wrong.

Two moments that made me jump out of my seat. Pierce’s four point play (quick note here: how did that Laker player have the balls to complain about that call? Is it now just second nature to throw your hands up when the whistle blows? Did he not think he committed a foul?) and Garnett’s follow up jam on Posey’s three point miss. If one thing became clear last night it’s that Gasol is completely over matched.

The other thing that seems a concern for Lakers fans everywhere: The Celtics, when needed, can up their defensive intensity a notch. It was evident in the fourth quarter last night. The Lakers don't seem to have the personnel to do that. Other than Kobe, is there one decent defensive player on that team?

Kudos goes to the Boston crowd for not putting on those white shirts. A few had them on, but I noticed most of the crowd already had on their own Celtics gear and kept it that way. Nice work.

Suggestions for the rest of the series, in case Doc is reading this.

1: Play Eddie House. He’s fresh, better defensively, better offensively and Celtics fans across the country won’t be cursing his name every time he launches a 20 footer with 20 seconds left on the shot clock.

2: Play Leon Powe. He had some spot duty and was very effective against the Lakers’ soft front line. You could even play him at small forward with Perkins and Garnett on occasion and completely over power LA for a while.

3: Limit Pierce’s practicing and playing time in game 2. Anyone who’s sprained anything knows the next morning is the worst. He is going to be very sore and possibly ineffective if that was as bad as it looked. Rest him. There’s a long way to go and you need him in LA to have any chance at winning this thing.

- Leave it to the Red Sox to try and steal the Celtics thunder. Did the early start time make everyone insane last night? Did they catch the playoff vibe from the Celtics? Holy shit that was an insane game. Coco charging the mound and kicking off a good, old fashioned, basebrawl. Loved it. Loved it even more when replays showed how close Sheilds came to landing that punch.

Note to Gomes on Tampa Bay: Jumping on and sucker punching someone who is already fighting someone else is a douchebag move. The fact that it looks like you landed more punches on the ground and your own teammate makes you look even more foolish. Hope you slept well last night, you tool.

If that weren’t enough, it looked like Ellsbury got hurt and some bizarre semi-fight between Youk and Manny broke out in the dugout, although even Youk wasn’t sure what it was about or why they had it.

Maybe it’s just a full moon!

Enjoy your weekends, all. Game two Sunday night and I’ll be hitting a sports bar until 1 am if all goes well.

Today’s distraction: Last night’s brawl in all it’s glory. Not sure why, but I love bench clearing shit like this. Two questions:

1: If Ellsbury is hurt and Crisp is suspended (and he will get suspended), who’s playing center for the Sox?

2: If you’re Tampa Bay, why have one of your best starters throw at Crisp when you know a brawl and possibly suspension were a very real possibility? It looks like he may have landed on his throwing shoulder, too. Why not wait until the eighth or ninth inning and have some scrub reliever bean him?


Hammen said...

What the hell happened with Youk and Manny? I would be so much more pumped about this brawl if those two hadn't got into it with each other later on. I was legitimately distressed last night.

Also, the Lakers should feel pretty decent about their loss. No one besides Fisher really played well at all, the Big 3 put up 60+, and they were still there until the end. Not a good sign for the C's.

BeachBum said...

Yeah, it wasn't a particularly impressive victory, but I take solace that if Cassell wasn't involved they would have won by 20.

No idea what happened with Manny and Youk and I'll be neither one of them could explain it, either. Maybe they were still keyed up from the brawl.

French said...

Word is, Youk called out Manny for not being more actively involved in the defending of Coco. But not to be discounted here is the fact that Youk's fiance Enza once cozied up to Manny...pre-Youk. She also wears a Manny jersey around the house from time to time, prompting Youk to say things like "Why don't you put on a #20 jersey instead of that shit?"

This knowledge of Youk has been brought you by the letter L, for La, and by the great state of California.

BeachBum said...

Wow, inside knowledge. Sweet!

I also heard that Youk dined at a local place for lunch and mentioned that he expected some bad blood to be spilt in last night's game. So both teams were expecting something going into the game.

Makes Tampa's decision to put Shields in harm's way even more confusing.

Hammen said...

I feel privileged hearing this inside info.

Watching Wednesday's game, and hearing Coco's comments afterwards, there was a 100% chance he was getting hit last night.

son pere said...

French is correct - Youk called Manny out for not getting out on the field quickly enough to defend Coco. Then, Manny retaliated with a "bitch slap" to Youk's face.

Two things for sure - Shields should never have been told to dust Coco off and Coco should not have charged the mound. With Manny nursing a hammy, and now Ellsbury with a possible wrist sprain, we can't afford to lose another outfielder, especially for stupidity! What happened Wednesday night was baseball, nothing more, nothing less.