Monday, July 7, 2008

Weekend Fireworks

Hey, how was your weekend? What did you do for the Fourth?

Sick of hearing that, yet? Me, too. In reality, does anyone at work really give two shits about what you did over the long weekend? Considering everything anyone did can be classified into three categories, there really isn’t that much to talk about. Chances are you spent the weekend doing one of these:

1: Watching some kick ass fireworks after a family/friend cookout. This can possibly include launching your own fireworks display and losing some fingers and/or eyebrows.

2: Heading up to your friend’s/family’s cabin or some other vacation spot to spend time at the lake/ocean/pool. Fireworks display will be included at some point, also.

3: Staying close to home and enjoying the peace and quiet while everyone else heads out of town. Cookout and fireworks are included here, too.

For the record, I chose number 3. I love the Boston area when everyone heads elsewhere. The neighborhood was quiet (too quiet, as you’ll soon learn) so the boys, wifey and I enjoyed our own cookout and pool party.

Unfortunately, the weather around here was questionable. It didn’t rain, it wasn’t cold, but it hovered between that line of over cast crappiness and nearly beautiful. The sun would make attempts to show itself only to disappear quickly and be gone for extended periods of time. It was frustrating as hell.

It was all good, though (for the most part). Some highlights for those who like things organized for easy reading. I include myself in that group.

- Since the weather was semi-crappy and indecisive, we decided to take the boys to the movies. This was three year old’s first theater going experience and he handled it like a pro. We saw ‘Kung Fu Panda’ (highly recommended if you have kids) and we had no incidents until the climatic fight scene when youngest looks over at me and says, in a really loud voice ‘Dad, I have a big HUGE poop coming out of my butt!’

There were two mothers in front of us who had their daughters with them. They looked back with a ‘GASP’ look on their faces as if my three year old son had groped one of them. As I took him to the men’s room, they shot a dirty look towards me and I said ‘A glimpse into the world of boys’. I was glad that the good looking mother at least laughed at that.

- When did mothers become so goddamn good looking? Growing up I can remember less than a handful of good looking mothers. And the only reason I remember them is because all mothers resided in the drab, beaten down section of life. Now I see hot mothers walking their kids all over the city. What’s changed? Well, besides plastic surgery, personal trainers and eating disorders.

- Wifey and I let our 8 year old stay up for the Boston fireworks for the first time this year. If I may rant for a bit, what the fuck is going on with this city’s schedule? Growing up, the fireworks were at 9pm SHARP. Every year. It was one tradition we looked forward to. The Boston Pops would start playing the ‘1812 Overture’ and the fireworks would start at the end of that song and keep going for 30 minutes.

About 4-5 years ago, the Pops celebration and fireworks went national. The concert and subsequent fireworks were televised for the first time. Was a nice touch and everyone that didn’t want to venture into Boston could see the fireworks on television.

But something strange started happening. The Pops and Boston’s celebration became popular. Two years ago the fireworks didn’t start until 10. This year? 10:30! What the holy hell? I was half asleep by the time the things started going off. There were shots of kids in the crowd and they looked like zombies; just staring off into space while their parents sang along to 'Yankee Doodle Dandy'.

To make matters even worse, they ‘1812 Overture’ doesn’t lead into the fireworks any longer. They played the song right at 9:50 and I was saying to my boy ‘When this song gets to the end, the fireworks will start’. Sure enough, the fireworks started going off…..

…then ended. It was a very brief display and my son asks ‘Was that it?’ and I had no answer for him. At 10 pm, Craig Ferguson, of all people, comes out to introduce Rascal Flatts who will be performing with the Pops now. Take a minute and read that last sentence again and consider how very wrong that all sounds being announced live and in Boston on the Fourth of July. Ferguson was actually fine, but Rascal Flatts was horrid beyond any expectations and the lead singer looked like he ate one of the tubas from the orchestra.

Now, if you have kids you know what happens when you say ‘You can stay up to see ’. It means you have to let them stay up even if it means they wait 24 hours. So, he stayed up until after 11. The good part is we can watch the fireworks from our back yard. We didn’t have to stray far and he was in bed as soon as things were over. If you want a feel for his reaction and who he takes after this was his response: ‘That was it? They didn’t last very long.’

I now understand the term ‘chip off the old block’. He is the chip - I am the old block. Emphasis on OLD.

- Please tell me you saw the most bizarre triple in major league history over the weekend. It was (of course) Red Sox – Yankees. Kevin Youkilis hits a pitch that looks like it’s going out of the park. Johnny Damon goes back to the fence, leaps up to make the catch, hits the wall, falls to the ground and comes up….empty. He looks around and the ball is nowhere to be seen. Finally, it drops onto the field, he picks it up and throws it in.

So what happened? Turns out the ball was in his glove and when he hit the fence, the ball popped out and sat on top of the outfield fence. And sat there. And sat there. Finally, the shaking from Damon slamming into the wall made it fall back on to the outfield warning track. To put this in perspective, the head umpire was asked about the hit after the game and even they didn’t know what the ruling would have been if the ball had stayed perched on top of the wall. Not only was the hit truly unique, but it’s probably going to add a rule to baseball.

- While we’re here, I need to point out that Julio Lugo is making history that not many people are aware of. He is currently on pace to break the record for most times hitting a ball off the dirt in front of home plate for a ground out. He’ll be breaking his own record set last season.

- On a related note, Jed Lowrie is having a fantastic season in Pawtucket.

- While everyone in our neighborhood was away, it seems someone broke into my wife’s car and rifled through the entire thing. We know because the douchebag left the driver’s door and some inside storage compartments open. What’s particularly ballsy about this is our driveway is right next to a big picture window. If anyone was to walk through the living room we would be two feet from him (or her). I actually think he (or she) was scared off and that’s why the everything was kind of left scattered.

Fortunately, nothing was stolen since we don’t usually keep anything of value in the cars. And yes, it does have an alarm on it, but wifey somehow didn’t set it that night. This, of course, gets me to wondering how many times this same guy tried our doors and found them locked. Might be time to set up one of those motion detection cameras. I’ve always wanted to bag some dickhead this way.

- Speaking of dickheads, on the way to the movies there was this foreign driver who decided he was going to cut off a bunch of drivers in an attempt to get from the far right lane to the far left. He apparently thought it was his god given right to just push his way over. He tried to cut me off, but I pushed past him. He wound up cutting off the guy behind me who thought it would be productive to roll down the window and yell ‘Nice move, DICKHEAD!’

Eight year old says ‘Kick Head? Why is he calling him a kick head? That doesn’t make any sense. Is that like saying he wants to kick his head?’ These questions went on for a few minutes and verged on becoming a Seinfeld routine until we told him it wasn’t nice to call someone a ‘Kick Head’ and he let it drop.

- The best part of the entire dickhead comment was the driver obviously didn’t understand English very well and was completely blank faced as he tried to interpret what the other guy was yelling at him. Between the look on his face and my son’s kick head rant, wifey and I were quite amused.

That’s enough. I’m exhausted because my youngest was seeing ‘ghosts’ last night and had to sleep in our bed for comfort. This is one thing the ‘Sixth Sense’ doesn’t address: how the parents are effected by sleepless children haunted by ghosts. Do they finally just start slipping them sleeping pills in their chocolate milk?

Today’s distraction: As a tribute to the complete selling out of the Boston Fireworks display, here are some cool advertisements from around the world. At this rate, I’ll be happy if they fireworks go off before midnight next year.

1 comment:

Hammen said...

I don't care how much Lugo is making. It's Lowrie time.

Also, fannnntastic comment you left about KG. I was dying laughing at that. Can't believe I didn't think of it at the time, alcohol may have played a role.