Thursday, August 21, 2008


I’m going to muddle my way through another half assed entry. In all honesty, I can’t think of much to write about. Summer is quickly slipping through my fingers. My kayak hasn’t touched water all season, weather wise the weekends have been a crap shoot (at best) and, until this week, August has been down right shitty.

But I will push on. Clinical depression be damned. Some random thoughts for a lovely week. Let’s hope this lasts through the weekend for a change.

- When I was in Philly, wifey called to tell me the dog was sick. Not your average ‘he’s just lying there’ type of sick, either. This was a ‘he just did bloody diarrhea all over the back deck’ type sick. Turns out it just had a stomach infection that was fixed with antibiotics, but I was secretly hoping he was dying of some rare dog disease. That’s how much I hate this fucking thing. Here’s another glimpse. Below is an actual transcript from an IM I had with wifey. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Wifey: ‘I just want to be clear on the limit you want to spend on the dog’

Me: ‘You mean the vet bill?’

Wifey: ‘Yeah, what’s the cap?’

Me: ‘$5. Anything more than that they can keep him.’

- Due to me being a complete fucking moron, last weekend was not my fantasy football draft. It’s this weekend. I misread the text my buddy had sent me and thought it was a week early. So, Sunday morning I text him asking if he needs me to bring anything. I get no response. An hour later I call and leave a voice mail. Nothing.

I start preparing by gathering my materials, stop at the ATM for cash, stop for beer and ice to go in my cooler. Still no call back. I call again. No answer, no call back. After 30 minutes and near the point I need to start heading up in order to be there on time.

I call again.

No answer, no call back.

Decision time. Do I head up or do I wait to hear back? I hedge my bets and head to a halfway point so I can be there quickly if this thing is on. I wait and wait. I make another call. No answer and I leave this message ‘Dude, you know what would be helpful? If you answered your fucking phone once in a while!’

No call back. It’s now past time the draft should have started and I figure something is fucked up (at this point I didn’t know it was me). My buddy’s brother is the one organizing things and he is notorious for making last minute changes and not telling everyone or deciding it should be pushed back an hour by simply showing up an hour late. Everything he touches turns into a clusterfuck, basically.

Anyway, this was not the case this day, but you can see how I would think that way. I call again and still no answer. I leave this voice mail: ‘Dude, what the FUCK? Where the fuck are you? What the fuck is going on? Call me back, you prick. I have a lot of other fucking fuck questions!’

He called me back 3 hours later. ‘I had my phone on silent’. Look, I don’t care how your phone was set. You don’t check your cell phone for 8 hours during the day?? I pick mine up and glance at it once every 2 hours on the weekends. At least. It’s probably more often than that. 8 hours on a Sunday morning? No, would never happen.

- My company is squashing spending like campers stuck in a swamp squashing mosquitoes. What? That doesn’t work? Whatever. They’re cutting back on shit. That’s what I’m trying to say. They just told our department that we can no longer accrue any over time. In fact, my boss isn't even allowed to approve any OT.

Now, if you’re familiar with what computer people do for a living, you’ll know what a tall order this is. I average 45-50 hours on a slow week. Just yesterday I had to travel to Hartford (The City of Lost Souls) to install some new equipment. I wound up working 14 hours. This means I have to take half days today and tomorrow so I don’t go over 40 hours total.

Yeah! Bite me! Sure, it’s nice to have the time off, but if I’m putting in 14 hours in one day I want to be paid for it. Fuckers!

- Work has been good news/bad news lately. Bad news first. Three of my favorite coworkers have left the company. One is moving back home (to LA of all places), one decided to travel South America for three months, and one got a better job at a nice place.

Good news? I’ve had liquid lunches for three weeks straight. In fact, just got back from one today! Love liquid lunches. These have been bittersweet, however, as they are goodbyes to people I enjoy.

- Speaking of people I enjoy, I got a call from an old friend (who, oddly enough, also abandoned the east coast for the City of Angels). Me and this lovely lady have a superstition that started nearly a decade ago. She just happened to be the first person I told when I found out wifey was expecting the eldest. Things went so well with him, that I tell her every big event first so they go as well (she was also the first one I told when son number two was in development).

She adopted the same when she invited me to her marathon and she won her age division.

This unexpected call came Tuesday morning and went like this:

Her: ‘I’m driving to work and realized I had to call you’

Note: I haven’t spoken to her in almost 2 years.

Me: ‘What’s going on?’

Her: ‘I just needed to call you because I’m getting married Saturday! I would have kicked myself if I didn’t tell you before it happened.’

Few things in my life have changed my mood so instantly. Never mind that this beautiful, intelligent, funny woman finally found a guy worthy of her, but I’m her good luck charm!

By the way, I thought back to when we bought the dog and I did not call or email her to let her know that big news. Superstition? Or something more? You decide.

- You looking for a surprise player that could effect the outcome of the American League playoffs. Look no further. Anyone want to bet he gives up 5 runs in 4 innings? Anyone?

- Saw an ad by McCain’s group criticizing Obama’s economic plan. ‘He’ll Raise Taxes. Higher gas prices. More Government Spending….which leads to fewer jobs’.

Uh, what? While the first three things may be true (and how does anyone expect to get out of this crushing deficit without higher taxes?) how does more government spending lead to fewer jobs? Wouldn’t it lead to more jobs? When our government spends money, it’s usually to create agencies which create jobs.

This ad in a nutshell is what’s wrong with our political process. It’s getting more and more difficult to figure out just what one candidate stands for. Negative ads and spin doctors constantly distort views and platforms until you can’t figure out which end is up.

One more question for McCain’s camp. When you say ‘More Government Spending’ what do you refer to? More than who? More than the current administration?

- I don’t usually condone any type of torture, but I’d make an exception in this case. A Lynn man is refusing to cooperate with police as they frantically search for his missing five year old boy. He obviously knows something and isn’t talking while the clock ticks on the safety of his own son. ‘Bring in the water board!’

- After reading about that cop that stopped a speeding couple who were trying to get their choking dog to a hospital, I had two thoughts. The dog wound up choking to death while the cop was recorded saying ‘Calm down, you can get another dog’.

1: Yes, the officer was a dick, but a choking dog is no reason to be risking the lives and safety of every other human being unfortunate enough to be in your way. This couple was traveling at 90 + while weaving in and out of highway traffic. I know people consider their pets to be part of the family, but once again, we’ve crossed some invisible sanity line.

More and more people are more concerned about the safety and well being of animals than they are of human beings. Often to the detriment of both species. They are pets. You love them but they don’t live forever. The couple that got pulled over seemed more intent on saving their dog than the safety of every human being that was driving on that road. How many vehicles carrying small children did they fly by before they got pulled over?

2: Since there is no way in hell the over zealous animal lovers are going to calm down anytime soon (Michael Vick, anyone?), I offer a solution.

Why not create an animal 911? It doesn’t have to be a formal thing, just a generic number (like 611) that people can call when they have a pet or animal emergency. It can be manned by volunteer animal lovers and vets from across the country who would be on call for any urgent matters. This way pet owners don’t have to throw their pets in a car and drive like they’re auditioning for ‘Death Race’. The call center can get them in touch with a vet in their area who can either walk them through solutions or stop by to assist (at fee, of course).

I’m just the idea man. You guys take it from here.

Later folks. My time is (literally) up.

Today’s distraction: Two guys that I think ARE funny. That anyone is upset about this says more about them then anything these guys did. As one says, ‘It’s Bigfoot. Bigfoot doesn’t exist!’ Translation: Lighten up, you idiots.


Hammen said...

I don't care if you're working 14 hour days, 4 hour days, whatever. This once a week crap isn't cutting it. Big-time players make big-time plays.

BeachBum said...

I'm giving 110% and leaving it all on the field. Cut me some slack.

Anonymous said...

We DO need an animal 911. I've been thinking that for years, no joke. I'm not a big hippie or PETA freak or anything, but I like animals and this is a pretty attainable idea.