Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Busy Work

Since I’m off for the rest of this week due to minor surgery (not me and not penile enlargement) I figured I would grant you all your life long wishes and post another random bunch of excess thoughts, links and rants to carry you through the long, dark days ahead.

Hey, I care. What can I say.

- I can’t figure out if this is good news or not. Was rest all Papi needed? If so, why didn’t they just tell him to take the rest of the season off and not fuck with things any more than they had to. Something tells me surgery is in his future and they’ll realize it right around spring training.

- This headline made me laugh: ‘Obama may reverse Bush policies’. Really? Not only should he reverse them, he should create legislation that wipes the last four years from every history book in the universe. As it turns out the story refers to stem cell research, oil drilling, and Planned Parenthood funding.

- Here’s some free advice for our President Elect: Look at what your predecessor did and do the exact opposite. Simple, yet effective.

- I keep seeing ads for the new Blackberry Bold or Storm or whichever has the iPhone look to it and get aggravated every time. See, I’ve used an iPhone for a bit and I FUCKING hate it. The screen keyboard keys are so small that I kept hitting two letters at the same time. It took me a solid three minutes to type a simple one sentence text to someone because I had to keep backspacing due to typos. Of course, the iPhone is huge so every other phone is going to copy the same interface and make my life a living hell. Why do companies ignore the big fingered, above average height people in this world? WHYYYYYYYYYY??????

- Remember that sidewalk chalk artist? Here are some more for you viewing pleasure. I notice a lot are of people falling into Hell or something. Hope he’s not degenerating into some homicidal, religious nut. Might explain why he's working in the street.

- We always make fun of stupid criminals (and point and laugh, usually) but here is one that thought ahead. He even used CraigsList to arrange things. Smart mofo!

- Here are 5 Human Wonders (which I assume means 5 wonders built by man. But if that’s the case than shouldn’t The Great Wall of China and others be a part of this list?). Instead we have an air conditioned bus stop for those spoiled brats in Dubai and the future of every parking garage in every American city. Hoo-fucking-ray!

- Kill some time trying to find places you know. I spent about 20 minutes trying to zoom in on my house.

- Feel good about your failures. At least they weren’t caught on film like these. Although, some look touched up.

- See if you can figure out what to do here.

- Like I need to tell my readers this, but here is photo evidence why friends are more dangerous than beer. Beer doesn’t help – obviously – but just remember this is what you’ll probably look like when they finally figure out you died of alcohol poisoning and weren’t just passed out. Still, imagine the looks on their faces. Priceless.

On a related note, a Patriots cheerleader was just fired for having her picture taken with someone in this condition. Literally. It was some passed out person with magic marker all over them. And she was fired for simply being in the picture. I'm not even sure Patriot cheerleaders get paid.

- There is a big hullabaloo (love that word and need to use it more often) about Malden, MA being named one of Business Week’s Best Places to Raise Your Children. Not because of pride, but outright shock. A woman who lived there reacted this way when interviewed about it: ‘REALLY??!!’ Ah, nothing like local pride.

I live on the Malden line and spent 7 years living there before buying a house and in Malden’s defense, they have done a ton of work there in recent years. Beautiful landscaping around any public area, the local schools have been renovated and updated, there is a perfect mix of local run businesses and franchises like McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts, and the public transit system is accessible from anywhere in the city.

On the other hand, I can say the same thing about my own city. So….whatever. Congrats, Malden.

- Here are seven signs you have a work spouse. I read through these and realized I have not one, but two work spouses. What the hell?? Does this mean I’m a work polygamist? Before you get, like, all up in my face about this, allow me to read you the definition of a work spouse: ‘a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage.’

Please note the ‘platonic’ in that sentence. However, a real marriage usually involves fights over money and not having sex and shopping habits and doing chores around the house and who is more awesome. A work spouse only includes the fights about who’s more awesome, which means – in many ways – you’ll have a better relationship with your work spouse than your actual spouse.

Make sure you check out the pluses and minuses of having a work spouse. Things like:

‘You have a friend who provides emotional support at work during challenging times. During times of stress at home or at work, you have a built-in support system.’

Or most importantly

‘Having a trustworthy co-conspirator for those occasional workplace escapades (and juicy gossip) can be beneficial, and often acts as a way to release work-related stress.’

Oh yeah! Having someone you can totally trust with pranks around the office is key! As is having someone to keep you in the loop on office scandals.

Some negatives:

‘If your real spouse becomes aware of their counterpart, it can create issues in your real-life marriage.’

Not sure I buy this one as wifey is aware I pal around with these two at work. In fact, she’s met them both and they seem to like her more than me. Understandable, believe me.

- Some ‘funny ass’ pictures. Actually, they’re just ok, but love the baby’s shirt. May not be safe for work, so beware.

- If you’re in the mood for some truly inspired photography instead, try this link. Awesome images.

- If you love music, check out Jamsbio. It’s a new online magazine that will let you search new music or even give you suggestions for other bands you may like. Kind of like Pandora but with random lists and articles.

- A game that will send you into fits. You basically eyeball shapes and position midpoints to what you think is the proper form. Good luck!

- Another US geography test for you. Place the states in their proper places in our fine country.

- And lastly, had another weigh in on Monday and only lost a pound. I’ve lost 3.6% of my starting weight and need to get over 4% by next Monday. Major gym time is scheduled for this weekend. Oh, and I’m up to 1.75 miles a day. Hoping to get to 2 by Monday, so that will help shed a few percentage points.

Enjoy the weekend, y’all!

Today’s distraction: OK, one more. A highly addictive and mentally challenging game in which you design contraptions to get the pink ball into the pink square. Take the tutorial as it makes much more sense. Oh and turn your volume down if at work.


Hammen said...

What troubled me about Ortiz is when he said "all we need is another 30-homer guy and some bullpen guys"

He's clearly not happy with the Manny trade. Bay's not good enough for him?

BeachBum said...

Bay doesn't speak Spanish and is a white boy from Canada. He could hit 50 home runs next season and Papi still wouldn't be happy with the trade.

Rumors are flying that the Sox are trying to get Saltamacchia (sp?) from the Rangers. That would fill two needs: A power hitter and a replacement for Varitek.

I find the off season nearly as entertaining as the regular season.