Monday, November 24, 2008

Week 12 Postmortem

It is a sad day at the beach. Today any chance I had at my league’s fantasy playoffs is going to end. Drew Brees is playing for me tonight, but unless he can single handedly score 130 fantasy points, I am done.

See, I was lucky enough to have not one, but two useless running backs start for my team. Mr. Brian Westbrook, who has been a shell of himself the last few weeks, and Mr. Willis McGahee, who seems to be healthy but had a grand total of 7 carries yesterday. I don’t blame McGahee as it seems to be his coaching staff that is holding him back. When he plays (which is a random event dictated by the stars and John Harbaugh’s menstrual cycle apparently) he is very good. If it sounds like I’m bitter, it’s because I AM! I don’t care if McGahee is hurt or will be limited due to game plans, but let me know that so I don’t start him. The past 5 weeks has been like playing the lottery when McGahee is on your fantasy team.

The Eagles, for their part, are a fucking mess. Donovan McNabb has been throwing to the opposing team more than his own receivers and was actually benched in favor of Kevin Kolb yesterday. Kevin Kolb??!! Westbrook has to be either really hurt or the offense is so confused it’s effecting everyone. Maybe it’s a combination of things. For them not to run Westbrook down the throat of an atrocious Bengals defense last week tells us that either Westbrook is injured or the coaching staff is smoking crack at halftime.

The only thing I know for sure is Donovan McNabb or Andy Reid will not be with this team next year. Keep in mind this is the same team that tore things up in the first 5 games of the season. What the hell happened?

As for the Patriots, last week's Cassel performance was not a fluke. If anything, yesterday’s dismantling of a very good Dolphins team was even more impressive. In fact, I may have completely fallen in man love with Cassel when, on a 4th and 1, he plowed his way ahead for a first down and kept going. And going. And going. Not only did he not fall down, he gained 6 yards on a quarterback sneak and most of that was spent carrying four defensive linemen with him.

But that wasn’t even the best part! When the play was over, he shouldered his way back to the huddle, making sure to bump as many Dolphin players as he could on the way past. He didn’t say a word, just walked through a crowd of players with a ‘Get the fuck out of my way’ attitude that just made him a New England favorite.

I never thought I’d say this, but if the defensive side of this Patriot’s team can heal in time for the playoffs AND if the Pats get in, they are going to be trouble. Cassel is fearless and confident now. Moss and Welker are happy and producing, Sammy Morris, Kevin Faulk and BenJarvus Green-Ellis are a formidable running back team, and Cassel brings a new facet to the QB position by showing he’s not only willing, but quite able to take off running when the opportunity presents itself.

Let’s just say things are looking up for this Patriot’s team.

Other notes:

- I’m officially protesting this weight loss contest. The scale being used is suffering from schizophrenia. Last week I missed by .3% with a 205.4 weight. This week I initially got on the scale and it read 200.8. I got off to wait for my witness (no taking people at their words on this one) and when I got back on I weighed 201.4. Um, what? I got off and got back on and it was another weight. We finally settled on the 201 reading because that one came up more than once after retrying 5 times.

I still made my quota, but now I’m wondering if I got screwed last week. There is no way I lost 4-5 pounds over the past week. Just not possible.

As an experiment I re-weighed myself with shoes back on and my witness having left. It came up as 206, which seems high for a simple pair of shoes. I then moved the scale to the other side of the room and it weighed in at 211!!!! Say it with me: What the fuck?

I should have known something was fishy when one of our contestants has claimed a 20 pound weight loss in less than 5 weeks. What’s truly bizarre is he doesn’t look much different. Sure, he looks a bit lighter, but 20 pounds?! Sorry, dude, but I’m not buying it.

Considering there is $2500 riding on this, I feel I need to say something. Apparently other people have known about the scale issues, but haven’t said anything or are benefiting from the fluctuations and just keep taking the lowest weight. Either way, I’m getting screwed and I don’t like that at all.

- I’ll say it again (even though it kills me): The Giants are the best team in football. Best defense, best running game, best ability to completely control the game from beginning to end. Hell, even Eli made some key third down throws.

That said, even in the loss, Arizona proved they can hang with any team.

- Denver and Philly sure look familiar. Both started off on fire only to have their flames flicker to nearly nothing. Oakland just put up 31 points on the Broncos which is the grand total the Raiders scored in their last four games combined.

- Please, please, PLEASE can we stop talking about a ‘subway’ Super Bowl? First of all the Jets and Giants play in the same friggin’ stadium. Second, they don’t even play in New York. Third, as everyone in Green Bay knows, while Favre can bring your team to the playoffs he can just as easily kill your chances once you get there. For further explanation refer to Favre’s final game with the Packers.

- Every time I see Michael Turner’s name in the box score I cringe remembering how I ragged on the guy that picked him in the first round in our fantasy league. In my defense, I wasn’t the only one.

And since we’re here, Atlanta is going to be one tough team if they make the playoffs.

- The St Louis Rams have been outscored 95-6 in the first half of their last 3 games.

- Culpepper’s celebration over his touchdown pass was a bit over the top, don’t you think? Dude, you didn’t just win the Super Bowl (or even the game) with that pass. Tone it down a bit until you win at least one game, ok? Just so you’re prepared, that might not be until next year.

- I just looked into the most productive running backs for fantasy purposes. Here is how most drafts went in the preseason:

Tomlinson or Peterson (first or second decided by a coin flip)
Joseph Addai
Larry Johnson
Stephen Jackson (both Jackson and Johnson went before I selected Westbrook, but this may be different depending on the league)
Brian Westbrook
Marion Barber
Frank Gore
Marshawn Lynch
Clinton Portis
Brandon Jacobs
Reggie Bush

Note: I think someone may have taken Ronnie Brown ahead of Reggie Bush, but can’t swear to that.

Here are the actual most productive running backs for the year:

Michael Turner
Matt Forte
Clinton Portis
Adrian Peterson
Thomas Jones
Marion Barber
Frank Gore
Brandon Jacobs
DaAngelo Williams
Maurice Jones-Drew

What does this tell us? Nothing. Except that none of us knows what we’re doing when we draft our players. It’s a complete crap shoot. For example, if I had to do it over again I still would have taken Westbrook over Barber or Gore. Jacobs was always out of the question as I can’t root for any Giants player. That goes a hundred fold for Eli.

- Did you know Houston beat Cleveland? Yeah, nobody else cared, either.

- Not that I closely follow it now, but I’m officially done with college football until they come up with a playoff system. For the umpteenth year in a row the system is littered with single loss teams with everyone depending on a ‘coaches poll’ to decide who are the top 5 teams in the country.

Done!! I will no longer watch for the same reason I don’t watch gymnastics, diving, or figure skating: Because competition does not rely on judgment calls. Ever. You can’t have championships decided on by votes. You see this in no other major sport, be it college or professional. Even the Canadian Football League has a clear cut champion. There is no doubt or controversy about who wins it.

So there you go, Division 1A football. You are currently less credible that the CFL. Get with the program and figure out a playoff system already.

Today’s distraction: After everything that happened yesterday, Donovan McNabb will start on Thanksgiving against the Cardinals. Is there any doubt Andy Reid has lost his fucking mind? Pay attention to the part where Reid didn’t even have the balls to tell McNabb he was being benched, but had the QB coach tell him instead. There’s leadership for you. No wonder the Eagles are shitting the bed.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad I have you on my side about this whole BCS debacle. We need to form some kind of a coalition and get this shit figured out. We have the power Beach. Wonder Twin powers activate! Form of: common sense!

Hammen said...

Dude, for that much money, there HAS to be some kind of fix going on in the weight loss contest. Lord knows I'd try to fix it somehow. I'd investigate that if I were you.

BeachBum said...

Love the Wonder Twins reference!

The entire argument against a playoff system is that the bowl games make too much money. So why not just use the same bowl games as part of the playoffs. The winner of the Rose Bowl plays winner of the Orange Bowl or something along those lines. I would even be ok if they used the BCS to figure out the four best teams in the country and have those four fight it out. Something! ANYTHING!!

Hammen, the email response I got back included excuses about guys drinking lots of water before the initial weigh in to 'this is just a friendly competition and is more a way to get people to lose weight in a healthy manner'.

So gorging on water is now healthy? Anyway, I responded that anything involving thousands of dollars is never 'just friendly' and something should be figured out that's fair. Have yet to hear back.

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

I started DaAngelo Williams over Tomlinson last weekend, but for some reason I didn't do it this weekend. I won't make that mistake again. What a waste of a pick he has been this year.

BeachBum said...

Tomlinson's behavior in last year's AFC playoff game raised all sorts of red flags for me. Not the sort of attitude you want for an elite running back.

DeAngelo Williams is a stud, though. Nice work getting him. He'll be a top 5 pick next year in most leagues.

Hammen said...

Yeaahhhhh I cut De'Angelo before the season started, figuring that Jonathan Stewart would get most the carries. That's how Kos picked him up. Dammit.