Monday, December 8, 2008

Week 14 Postmortem

Some good news first.

Just weighed in and for the first time in decades, I’m below 200 pounds.*

* Truth be told, I never weighed myself much before this competition. There is a solid chance I was around 190-195 in my late 20s and early 30s but I wasn’t concerned about weight so much as being fit. Then I got married and had kids and it’s all been downhill both mentally and physically.

I was falling back in the contest, too, so this is huge. I had 8 people in front of me which should be fewer after this week’s comeback.

Why am I excited about this? Because I just found out that pot is currently up to $3600. You think I’m not dropping another 5-10 pounds for $3600 (and it will most likely be more than that when it’s all said and done) you’re crazy. Hell, I’ll even give up beer for the next two weeks.

OK, maybe not, but I would THINK about giving up beer. Either way I’m hitting the gym every day for the next two weeks. The final weigh in is Monday, the 22nd and you can bet I’ll be fasting the prior Sunday. Thousands of dollars, here I come!

In other good news it looks like I’ve won the weekly pot in my final fantasy week. Thanks to Westbrook, Welker, Roddy White, Drew Brees (who I will now go out of my way to have on my fantasy team the next 2-3 seasons), and the Arizona Defense, I am 58 points up on the next highest score.

Love then things come together. Too bad it wasn’t often enough throughout the rest of the season. Moments of brilliance, followed by weeks of abysmal scoring from everyone on my roster. With the exception of Brees, Welker, and White, nobody contributed on a consistent basis.

There’s always next year. Oh, and our end of year party which is coming together as we speak. Rumors are swirling about a trophy, but I’d just be happy with the bragging rights and money. Sadly, I’ll have neither.

So where does this leave us? The playoffs!! That's where!! Let’s take a look at the haves and have nots.



New York Giants: Despite the loss yesterday this is still the team to beat. Although anyone saying the Giants wouldn’t miss Burress quickly changed their minds after watching Hixon drop a sure touchdown pass.

Arizona Cardinals: That’s right. The laughing stock of the league since…well...whatever year this team came into existence just clinched their division yesterday. Can’t say their postseason will last long, but they get a home playoff game, so that’s something. Congrats to the rabid Cardinal fans out there.


Guess what? That’s it for the NFC. The rest, like my future, is completely up in the air.


Rest of the NFC East: Dallas, Philly (how did they get back into this conversation?), and Washington are long shots, but – believe it or not – that ridiculous tie with Cincinnati may work in the Eagles favor. If they win out they’ll have fewer loses than their nearest competitor.

Look on the bright side, the world will get to see Donovan McNabb puking on the field again. That’s always a highlight.

Minnesota Vikings/Chicago Bears: The Vikings have a one game lead over the Bears, but have three tough games to wrap things up: At Arizona, then home against the Falcons and Giants. If things go well for the Vikings, Arizona and NY will be resting some of their big guns.

Chicago finishes at home against the Saints and Packers then on the road in Houston.

Flip a coin on which of these teams gets booted in the first round.

The Entire NFC South: Imagine how Carolina (9-3), Tampa Bay (9-3), Atlanta (8-5) and New Orleans (7-6) feel when they look to the South and see that Arizona has already clinched that division with a similar crappy 8-5 record. I’m betting there are lots of curses involved.

Tonight’s game is FUCKING HUGE!!!



Tennessee Titans: While everyone is talking about how great the Pittsburgh defense is, most are over looking that this same 12-1 Titans have given up one - as in singular - more point than the Steelers while putting up 43 more points. In short, there is a reason this team only has one loss.

Denver Broncos: Yeah, you read that right. It’s not official, yet, but they’re three games up with three to play so unless they shit the bed in the worst way and San Diego somehow reincarnates Tomlinson into what he used to be this division is all Broncos.


The Entire AFC East: Except Buffalo. Miami, New England and New York Jets are all 8-5. The Pats, as defined by the tie breakers MUST finish with a better record then the other two. The Jets can tie with the Pats and still be the outright winner. Same with Miami. But, if the Jets and Dolphins end up with the same record, but better than the Patriots…

Well, then….

…uh…actually, I’m not sure what happens. Both have the same 6-4 conference record, but the Jets have the better division record (as of today). Guess we’ll have to wait for that final regular season game. Miami at New York. Yeah BABY!!! It is ON! Who would have thought that this game would mean everything for these two teams. Let’s not forget Chad Pennington coming back to New York with the chance to end their season.

Man, I love the NFL.

If you’re wondering, here are their remaining schedules.

Jets: Buffalo, at Seattle, Miami

Miami: San Fran, at Kansas City, at New York

New England: at Oakland, Arizona, at Buffalo

Basically the Pats need to win the rest of their games (which is more than conceivable as poor Arizona must fly east again) and hope either Miami or New York loses one game before their epic, season ending rumble. Then hope whoever has already lost a game beats the other team.

Oh boy.

Pittsburgh Steelers/Baltimore Ravens: Only one game separates these two and guess what? They play in Baltimore this weekend. Woooooo fucking hoooo! Be ready for a 10-7 game with these two.

With a win the Steelers effectively seal the division, but lose and things get very interesting. The head to head match up and their division records will be tied and the conference record will be one game apart. Basically both teams need to win this game.

Remaining schedule: Pittsburgh – at Baltimore, at Tennessee (ouch!), Cleveland.

Baltimore – Pittsburgh, at Dallas, Jacksonville.

If the Ravens win this weekend, this will go down to the wire.

Indianapolis Colts: Quite a few people lost sight of the Colts while coughing and sneezing on Tennessee's dust. Well, lookie who’s leading the Wild Card charge? With an 8-2 conference record, these guys have a huge advantage over the Ravens, Patriots, Jets and Dolphins. Considering their remaining schedule has the Lions, Jaguars (in Jacksonville) and a ‘no reason to even show up’ Titans left, expect this to be resolved before the AFC East mess.

So there you go folks. This weekend has a bunch of critical games and I’ll be in front of my 47 inch plasma soaking up every bit of it.

Today’s distraction: Some fun and informative trivia about the movie studio logos. You even find out who the boy is fishing off the moon in the DreamWorks opening.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for giving some dap to my Titans' defense. Everyone has such a boner for Pittsburgh and Baltimore when it comes to D, but as you pointed out, Tennessee isn't so shabby either.

Hammen said...

So obviously I cut Plaxico last week, and decided to pick up his replacement Hixon. That touchdown pass he dropped would've been worth 14 points....I lost by 13. Kind of a microcosm of my season right now. Oh well, grace period.

Dude, for 3600 bucks, I would absolutely give up beer, Sonic, hot pockets, anything and everything else. I would be fucking Ghandi for the next couple weeks. GET THAT MONEY!

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

I agree with Hammen on the money. So for some reason I thought playing Gus Ferotte was a smart idea, it was the fucking lions. I also sat Deangelo Williams. This leads me to believe I was smoking crack when I made my fantasy picks this weekend. Either way I still made the playoffs, but might be a complete retard.

BeachBum said...

Man, I would have thought DA Williams was a must start every week.

Oh, wait, he is! Nice work making the playoffs. Better than I can say.

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

In my own defense I started turner and tomlinson over williams.