Monday, December 22, 2008

Week 16 Postmortem

During the second to last week of the NFL season, we learned a lot.

We learned the Arizona Cardinals are not ready for prime time. Especially on the east coast during a blizzard against a very good team.

We learned that Tim Hightower may not be the answer, after all, and there are serious questions about his fantasy value next year.

We learned that this Patriots team may be better than we thought. Or they simply kicked the tar out of a team that has stopped playing to win.

We learned Lamont Jordan may have something left.

We learned Mike Holmgren may have something left.

We learned that Brett Favre may have nothing left and may be costing the Jets a chance at the playoffs. I know, he’s responsible for getting them this close in the first place, but Jet fans are learning the harsh lessons Green Bay fans learned a decade ago: Favre giveth and Favre taketh away.

We learned Cincinnati is the best crappy team in Ohio.

We learned that when you play a Saturday night game the weekend before Christmas, a lot of people may not notice. I didn’t even realize Dallas and Baltimore had played until I turned on SportsCenter and watched the Blitz crew discussing the game.

We learned Detroit may be one of the worst teams in history. But we already knew that.

We learned that Pittsburgh may not be as good as we thought and that Tennessee may be even better.

We learned Kansas City will fight to the end, even if they won’t win until 2009 (maybe). We also learned that Larry Johnson isn’t really dead. Who knew?

We learned that Miami may actually lose in New York next weekend if their performance against the Chiefs is any indication.

We learned absolutely nothing when San Fran beat St Louis 17-16. Although my fantasy sleeper for next season was the guy that caught the last minute TD pass. Josh Morgan, you will be mine!

We learned Denver just can’t take care of business and may be on the verge of a monumental collapse. What does Shanahan have to do to get fired?

We learned that Darren Sproles – not Tomlinson – should be the Chargers go to guy for the big play.

We learned that the Giants and Panthers will fight to the death if they meet in the NFC Championship game. It will be an epic battle. Have two teams ever been so evenly matched while playing the same brand of football?

We learned Jamarcus Russell may actually be an effective QB sometime soon while Justin Fargas may be the most underrated running back in the league.

At the same time we learned Steve Slaton and Andre Johnson are human, which was terribly disappointing to me.

We learned the Atlanta Falcons are for real. Watch out for this team in the playoffs!

We learned Tampa Bay’s first half may have been a mirage.

We learned Andy Reid really didn’t figure things out. Against the Redskins he had Donovan McNabb pass 46 times and only rushed Westbrook 12 times. Over all the Eagles rushed 16 times while passing 46 times. This led to three points. Nice work, Reid. Keep the ball out of the hands of your best player. In a related note, we learned Reid may be out of a job this winter.

The one thing we didn’t learn: Who’s the favorite heading into the playoffs?

Other news from the weekend.

- I just spent the last three days shoveling – I shit you not – approximately 1000 pounds of snow out of my driveway. Not all at once, of course, but over the course of the weekend and two mammoth snowstorms.

The first hit Friday afternoon and proceeded to dump 10 inches of snow over the course of the next 12 hours. Fine. I can deal with that. The snow wasn’t too bad, but it does build up and there are only so many places to put it. While the boys played on the mountain I built on the side of our driveway, I sweated through three different shoveling sessions. I was not in a good mood.

By the time the first storm finished, the pain in the ass weather forecasters started talking about another ‘less serious’ storm coming in for Sunday. This one was going to ‘only’ be 3-6 inches and should be out to sea by late afternoon. So they said and like much of what they say, it was all bullshit. Try another 8 inches at least. By 8 pm it was still snowing/sleeting/raining/beginning to freeze. It’s one thing to have snow, it’s quite another to have an entire winter’s worth of weather fall in one 10 hour period.

The worst part was this second storm was it was that wet, back breakingly heavy snow that makes me feel 80 years old getting out of bed the next day. Shoveling sessions involved in second storm: three. Only they took twice as long as I was exhausted from the weight and having to shovel the previous day.

Winter is only two days old and I’m looking forward to June. I believe that makes 41 years in a row this has happened.

- My brother and his pita wife were kind enough to schedule their annual gingerbread house building party on Saturday. The problem being they live in the furthest reaches of our state (known to most as East Bumfuck) and it takes us at least an hour to get there. I say at least because if you wind up stuck behind a slow driver you may never be heard from again. The road leading to their house is a throwback to the old country days where every other house is a full functioning farm. You can’t pass the car ahead of you and there are virtually no traffic lights.

On Saturday we not only had to drive this road, but do so while the cleanup continued from the first snow storm. 90 minutes!! That’s how long it took us to get there! Then another 90 minutes back as we got stuck behind a sand truck that topped out at 25 miles an hour the ENTIRE FUCKING WAY!!!

The one good thing about him moving out there is it taught me I’m a city boy. I can’t be that far out in the rural areas as I would most likely turn into Jack Torrance. I should also point out that he had to buy a gas powered generator because his hick town recently went more than a week without power due to an ice storm. A week!! Seven days with no power. Move, motherfucker! Move back to civilization!

- Lastly, as I need to get moving, today is the last weigh in for the weight loss competition. I need to have lost 9 % by today in order to be eligible for some cash refund. Considering I spent all Sunday either at the gym or shoveling snow, I think I’m in good shape.

Will fill everyone in tomorrow on how things turn out. Later!

Today’s distraction: If you’re looking for some time killers at work this holiday season (I know I am), try some of these sites to get you through the day. I’m going to try and catch up on Dexter if I can find it anywhere. Enjoy!


Anonymous said...

The Cardinals should be shunned from the playoffs no matter what happens for the way they've been playing. It's sick that the lack of competition in their division is going to give them a spot by default.

And as a Pats fan, you are desperately close to your Pats finishing 11-5 and missing the playoffs while 8-8 Denver backdoors its way in. Should we put you on suicide watch effective Sunday afternoon?

BeachBum said...

Nah, I'll be ok. I didn't expect the Pats to be even this good after Brady's injury, so if they manage to get in (which I think will happen), it will be like a Christmas bonus.

Hammen said...

"Favre giveth and Favre taketh away." For some reason, that throwaway line had me DYING laughing. I think I'm high or something.

And since the Chiefs are televised every Sunday in my part of the world, I end up watching their ridiculous games every week. They could easily, EASILY be 7-8 right now. They are literally inventing ways to lose tough games.