Wednesday, January 7, 2009

BCS Funeral

I swear, this is it. I will speak no more of the BSC (BullShit Champion) after this entry. It’s what they want, anyway.

Officially, everyone knows it as the Bowl Championship Series, but there really is no ‘series’. It’s a bunch of games that – in the end – mean nothing. Florida beats Alabama who beats Oklahoma who beats LSU who beats Texas which provides computers with equations combined with strength of schedule and coaches votes to decide on a Champion.

(NOTE: do not leave comments that LSU didn’t even play Texas. I don't give a fuck!)

Only there will never be a champion in Division 1A college football. Never. Not until they adopt something we call ‘playoffs’. The concept is simple. You take the best teams in the nation and make them play each other. The loser goes home and the winner moves to play the winner of the other playoff games. Eventually there is one winner left and that team claims the title of ‘Champion’.

If you are unfamiliar, BSC, then take a look at every other FUCKING SPORT THAT INCORPORATES THIS!!! The NBA, the NFL, Major League Baseball, College Basketball, College Hockey, Soccer, Lacrosse, Volleyball, Cricket, Tennis, Beer Pong, fuck even the Video Game Championships.




But not you. No, you’re far too sophisticated for such Neanderthal leanings. Playoffs are for pussies, you say. We have complex algorithms and voting and big, cool looking computers that can play DVDs and tell us who our best team is. We don’t need no stinking playoffs!

Except you really do.

Last weekend the Utah Utes defeated the Alabama Crimson Tide and their scumbag head coach 31-17. They were up 21-0 after three offensive possessions. They finished the season as the only undefeated team in Division 1A. They kicked ass on a team that was undefeated and ranked – by your same computers, mind you – as the best team in the nation up until the very last game.

Yet Utah has no shot at winning the national championship. None. Apparently the powers that be have decided they weren’t good enough to be included in the BCS even though they finished 12-0 and had defeated #12 TCU, #14 BYU, and the same Oregon State team that had just defeated the same USC team everyone is currently raving about.

Anyone talking about the Utes? Nah, of course not. They’re not glamorous. They don’t have a big name head coach like Nick Saban or Pete Carroll (as a Pats fan I can’t begin to tell you how strange that sounds) or Bobby Bowden or Joe Paterno. By their own admission, the Utes are a blue collar team that played it’s entire schedule without losing once. Not once.

Utah was invited to get it’s ass kicked by Alabama strictly as a courtesy. Nobody who ‘knows anything’ thought the Utes had any chance of beating the big, bad Tide. Just not going to happen. Utah is a small time program taking on a football power house. They want to taste the big time, thought the BCS, we’ll give them a taste of the big time. Only the Utes tasted it, bit it off, chewed it up and spit it right in the face of the BCS. Thank you, sirs, may we have another?

Actually, no. You can’t. See if this were an actual ‘playoff system’ (I want you to imagine the BCS people making air quotes with their fingers every time they mention playoffs. Like Dr. Evil and his ‘laser’) you would move on to face…oh I don’t know…let’s just say the winner of the Florida – Oklahoma game. Then whoever won that game we might be able to call champion. But not this year. Nor last. Nor the last 20.

This really isn’t that complicated. Take the best 8 teams, seed them with your fancy computers and make them play each other. Whoever wins out is your champion. No bullshit meaningless bowl games, no controversy, no endless debates about how your current system sucks and needs to be improved and no coaches whining about how they didn’t get a fair shake.

Considering this happens every year, I can’t help but ask why? Why stick with this ridiculous setup?

I came up with three reasons:

1: Money. The Bowl games make boatloads of it. Who wants to derail that gravy train?

2: Publicity. There is no such thing as bad publicity, right? And if every season ends with people talking about college football and how some teams got shafted then all the better. It is for this reason, this entry will be the last time I mention your evil organization. No longer will I carry on pretending there is such a thing as a Division 1A Champion. Watch the bowl games if you want - the players certainly deserve the attention - but let's stop pretending this means anything. Agreed?

3: Retardation. Those in charge of such things are probably mentally impaired and can’t collectively make a decision to save their lives. They’re probably still trying to decide between black and blue colored pens because one of them insists red is the way to go.

The bottom line is there is no reason nor any excuse good enough to explain this lunacy. You can’t decide on a champion (or even split a championship as has happened many times) by using votes and computers. There is a saying in all of sports that the BSC has ignored for decades.

It’s ‘Defense wins championships’.

Wait, that’s not it.

It’s ‘That’s why they play the games’. Because anything can happen on any given day. Just ask last year’s New England Patriots. Or last weekend’s Crimson Tide.

Just don’t ask the Utah Utes, because they did play the games, won them all, and still have nothing to show for it.

Why, exactly, do you play the games, BCS?

Today’s distraction: Some entertaining food art. The WALL-E one is impressive, but I would eat every single one of those bunny cookies. Mmmmm, cookies…..


Hammen said...

Well put. You just described, in detail, the exact reason why I stopped following college football about 5 years ago. What a worthless sport.

BeachBum said...

Glad to be of service.

I just noticed Rick Reilly posted an entire article about Utah on ESPN.COM. So much for nobody talking about the Utes.

Anonymous said...

(Begins a slow clap while rising from his chair to bow in the presence of awesomeness)