Every day, around 3:30 I hit a wall.
My eyes want to close. My head wants a soft place to rest. My brain wants a little down time. I used to just stop at Starbucks at three o’clock to get over that little hump, but I’m in shape and healthy now and don’t want to get back to bad habits.
Plus, that’s an expensive habit. Heroin’s got nothing on caffeine!
Lucky for me it has now been scientifically proven that taking 20-30 minute naps during the day actually increase productivity.
Google it. It’s true.
Those in charge may not agree, but it’s time that I take the nap nerds advice and find a place to recharge for the afternoon rush. In a perfect world I would have a nice quiet hammock room to retreat to or an enormous office with a leather couch to call my own. Actually, in a perfect world I would be incredibly wealthy and able to sleep until noon while beautiful, young women cater to my every need.
Where was I?
Since my perfect WORK world doesn’t exist, I need to improvise and figure out how to make myself more productive. It’s all about being the best employee I can be. NOTE: that’s going to be my excuse when I get caught. And I probably will get caught at some point.
And, hey, if I’m going to figure this out I may as well share it with all two of my loyal readers. If I can influence your lives just a bit, I’ll feel I’ve accomplished something. I’ve already given tips for boozing at work, why not add sleeping to the list.
Never claimed I’d be a good influence.
Let’s run down some options I’ve been considering.
AT MY DESK
Pros: Have accidentally pulled this off during a conference call. My own snore startled me awake after 15 minutes were lost forever. Have perfected the art of ‘I may look like I’m reading something, but I’m actually dozing’ posture.
Cons: Drool in keyboard; side window of my office offers full view of my seating area; solid chance my head would slip, bounce of the desk and render me unconscious.
UNDER MY DESK
Pros: Optimal setup as I have my own office and the desk is at the back end of the room. If I duck down nobody sees me from the door or the side window; could envision a George Costanza bed built into my desk scenario.
Cons: Floor is disgusting; people tend to come in looking for me often (I’m a popular guy) and it would be tough to explain why I’m curled into a fetal position under my desk.
UNDER SOMEONE ELSE’S DESK
Pros: Nobody would be looking for me in another office; layoffs have opened up several options.
Cons: Sound of my snoring might draw some curiosity; owner of office or visitor could arrive unexpectedly. Explaining myself under my own desk is a skate compared to trying to rationalize why I was under someone else’s desk. Also, same disgusting floor condition as in my office.
MEN’S ROOM STALL
Pros: Ultimate privacy; experienced from my ‘raging alcoholic’ era (still ongoing).
Cons: Not very comfortable; legs can fall asleep making it difficult to stand; could be trapped like a wild animal if unable to call for help; people coming and going (get it?) would disrupt sleep cycle; unsanitary.
EMPTY CLOSET/SUPPLY ROOM/MEETING ROOM
Pros: Often out of the way and quiet; could turn lights out for maximum sleep conditions.
Cons: Not many of these to be had around here; interruption of others looking for pens or toner; being trapped if impromptu meeting is held.
Pros: Used to sleep in car during college class breaks and during lunch at old jobs; comfortable; private.
Cons: Don’t drive to work (which is a problem); could draw unwanted attention when a passerby knocks on the window to see if I’m ok, doesn’t get a response, calls 911 and the Jaws of Life are used to pry me out. Sleeping in someone else’s car while this happened would pretty much be worst case scenario.
OUT IN THE OPEN
Pros: The best hiding places are often in plain view. Maybe in the comfy chairs at the main entrance or on top of the company President’s desk.
Cons: Job loss is devastating in this economy; very high potential for embarrassing pictures posted to the internet.
Pros: Know the area well; actual bed
Cons: Commute back and forth would eat up a lot of time; wife and kids could be there.
ROOF OF THE BUILDING
Pros: Nobody – and I mean nobody – would find me there
Cons: Might get locked out; windy and cold this time of year; could plummet 22 stories to my death.
Overall, I’ll stick with the desk option. Not under it, although that will be a serious option if I need some real quiet time.
See you in my dreams, everyone. If I had any.
Enjoy your weekends!
Today’s distraction: Life summarized in four bottles. Here’s to sticking with bottle number 3 for as long as possible. Cheers!