Monday, January 26, 2009

Funny and Cruel

Thoughts and questions following a Sunday with no football. It was a depressing preview of the coming month. March Madness can’t get here fast enough.

- In desperate need of some sort of sporting event to watch, I bought into the Celtics – Mavericks hype and watched the home town heroes put on a first half clinic. The game was over midway through the second quarter. It’s true what Bill Simmons has been preaching: Jason Kidd can’t guard any quick point guard and the Mavericks should never have traded for him.

- In a very strange cameo, none other than Nomar was sitting courtside during the game. Are the Red Sox thinking of bringing him back? Has anyone signed him yet? Even better, is this a publicity stunt by Nomar himself to get everyone thinking the Sox are in talks with him?

- 68,000 jobs lost in a single day? Of course not. If you’ve ever been around layoffs you know how some of the people wind up coming back before their packages are finished (thus get a nice paid vacation) and others are actually brought back as ‘contractors’ to do the same job they did before being laid off. Still, the over reactionary media love the ‘Bloody Monday’ nickname. Has a nice, panicky vibe to it, don’t you think?

By the way, hidden in this article (way at the bottom) is one man’s prediction that a recovery looks to be sooner rather than later. Of course, this guy probably didn’t think deregulating Wall Street or handing out risky loan after risky loan had any downside. He is an economic ‘expert’, after all.

- Let me get this straight. Andy Pettitte declined a one year, 10 million dollar offer from the Yankees only to turn around and sign a one year 5.5 million dollar offer? Does he have a calculator?

- Why, if the American car companies is such dire financial shape, are they running more advertisements than ever? Is this where the bailout money is going? Not into improving efficiency and quality, but so they can pay to run the same ad 42 times during every sporting event ever televised?

- I woke Saturday morning to the sound of my wife coughing up a lung and my youngest sounding like he had emphysema. After getting everyone settled I said to my wife, ‘You need anything? I was going to hit the gym.’

‘You leaving now?’ It was 10:30 in the morning and I don’t usually go until after lunch.

‘Yeah, might as well….’ I wait out another coughing fit. ‘…..get it out of the way.’

‘Plus,’ I add, ‘It gets me out of this germ factory for a while.’ I need to start sleeping in a surgical mask. Maybe get an oxygen tent. Should it scare me that Michael Jackson looks less crazy by the day?

- I’ll have to cut this short today as our company just found out we’ll be experiencing ‘additional cost cutting measures’ beginning tomorrow. This means more layoffs, of course. If I’m gone for a while, it’s because my cardboard box under the highway doesn’t get a wireless signal. I hate weeks like this. Way too much stress put on everyone.

- Let’s end on an up note. It seems we’re closer to my dream than even I could have hoped. Scientists at the University of Maryland have successfully teleported two atoms. I shit you not! There is lots of fancy talk and complicated diagrams to prove their point, but the bottom line is we are much closer to being able a door in Boston and emerging from another in the Bahamas. Most likely this technology won’t be fully functional for decades. I would pinpoint it about one day after I die, thus depriving me of one last day at Seven Mile Beach in Grand Cayman. Damn you, fates. Damn you straight to hell!!!

Today’s distraction: Interesting art works by Aled Lewis. Really like the Meaning of Life. Funny and cruel at the same time. Kind of like me.


Anonymous said...

I actually have some somewhat coherent thoughts about your thoughts.

1) Pettite is an idiot for not taking the guaranteed money, but with incentives he could potentially make $12 million this season. I guess he has more faith in himself than the rest of the world.

2) I gotta play devil's advocate on the car company comment you made. I'm guessing they have contracts with the networks to run x number of ads per hour, and these contracts were probably drafted years ago when they had at least a few pennies in the piggy bank. It's too bad they're spending millions per hour on every sporting event though.

3) I am freakin pumped about the teleporting thing. I have always said that teleporting would be the number two super power I would want (but that's a whole different post I'm gonna write up). I just hope they can get this on the fast track so I can enjoy it while I am still alive.

BeachBum said...

I think I'm expanding on the teleporting thing later this week. It really deserves it's own entry.

That may be true about the car companies, but they also knew they were in trouble a few years ago and still entered into these ridiculous agreements. Besides, the can always declare backruptcy and redo any existing contracts. But they won't.

Hammen said...

How about Citigroup (I believe it was them, anyway) who just got bailed out, and then turned around and purchased a $50 million private jet. Unreal.