Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Lost Redux

‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year’….

C’mon! Sing it with me!

Tonight ‘Lost’ makes it’s triumphant (we hope) return and I couldn’t be more excited even if Kate, herself, first handed me a layoff slip then an invite to her private estate to be her ‘landscaper’ for the next two years. Actually, I would be MUCH more excited for that second scenario.

Anyway, I thought since the show is starting up and anyone wants to jump in I’d offer a primer on the show. Everything you’d need to know so you can catch up with the rest of us. I can also use a refresher as it’s been a long time since the season finale.

Off we go:

Synopsis: Big plane crashes on beautiful island teeming with monsters, polar bears, horses, and previously dead fathers. Then it really gets weird. Passengers that survived the crash (but don’t include the dude that got sucked into the plane’s still running engine) all seem to have been brought to the island for a reason. Hilarity ensues!


Jack: Kick ass surgeon who becomes unofficial leader of the survivors. Has major daddy issues (Recurring Theme Alert) as he was transporting the body of his father back to the U.S. after turning him in to medical board when he showed up to perform an operation drunk. As you can see, Jack is a stickler for rules and is rational and logical even when faced with incredible events. Well, except for the island going ‘BLOOP’ at the end of last season. That sends him into a drug induced tailspin that somehow makes him glue a fake beard on his face. Ironically, Jack becomes the catalyst to get everyone back to the island after eight of them made it off.

Kate: Was prisoner while on the plane. Love interest for Jack and Sawyer and three quarters of the male population on earth. Winds up taking Aaron as her own when Clair gets killed or something (see below). Killed her own step father and burned his house down because he was abusive towards her mother. Instead of saying ‘Hey, Thanks!’ her mother turns her in and Kate goes on the run. Once on the island, her tracking and believable con skills are a huge help in fighting off the others. Strips to underwear on occasion and can hold her own in a fight which pretty much makes her my soul mate.

Sawyer: While it’s not his real name, we’ve come to know and love him as such. Con man with a hidden heart of gold who witnessed his father kill himself when he was child after his father was swindled out of his money by a con man going by the name of Sawyer. I know, it’s confusing. Anyway, Sawyer makes it his life mission to find the other Sawyer (also not his real name, by the way) and kill him. Possesses a mean streak and delightful nicknaming ability. My favorite character in many ways. Wound up sacrificing himself so the others could make it to the freighter in the helicopter, which didn’t turn out all that well as the freighter blew up into tiny little pieces, but it’s the thought that counts.

Sayid: Former Iraqi Republican Guard who is expert at torturing, fixing radios and looking somber and serious. Briefly fell in love with Shannon before she was gunned down by Ana Lucia. That was a bummer. His army intelligence and training has been invaluable when combating the Others. Has no qualms resorting to torture to get answers. Has a past lover who finds him when he gets off the island. She, of course, is run down by a car months after they were married. Tip for you ladies: don’t get involved with Sayid.

Locke: The former paraplegic who discarded his misery along with his wheelchair. As mystical and believing and Jack is practical and cynical. As many father issues as Jack, Kate and Sawyer have, they’re nothing compared to Locke! His father scammed him out of one of his kidneys, shunned him when Locke wanted a relationship with him (post kidney transplant), then pushed him out a window resulting in his paralysis. Bastard! Seems to have a bond with the island stronger than all the other survivors put together. Willing to do whatever it takes to protect the island and maintain good standing with it. This includes killing Boone in a round about way, killing the girl from the freighter with a hell of a knife throw, having Sawyer kill his own father (who also happened to be the original Sawyer Sawyer was looking for. Stuff like this happens all the time on this wacky island!), blowing up Ben’s sub and refusing to press the numbers which blew everything to hell. Basically, without Locke everyone would have been off the island three days after crashing on it. Anything else? Oh, right. He’s also dead. Was the body in the coffin at the end of last season. Keep in mind, dead in ‘Lost’ville is not nearly the same as dead everywhere else.

Hurley: Big, not so jolly, survivor who happens to be a multimillionaire after playing the mystical numbers in a lottery. Is now convinced he’s cursed since winning which can happen when your grandfather dies at the press conference, a meteor hits your brand new fast food joint killing a famous reporter and crash landing on a moving island loaded with monsters and hidden armies. Still, he’s loaded. Also has daddy issues when Cheech (or is it Chong?) suddenly reappears in his life. He’s also a former and current mental patient who plays chess with dead people.

Ben: The weasel who is in charge of all the people living on the island when the plane crashed (The Others). Manipulative, creepy, occasionally funny, and knows everything about everyone. Spent nearly his entire life on the island, killed everyone involved in the Dharma Initiative by gassing them then presumably moped around wondering why he was so lonely. Yeah, he’s that type. Watched his ‘daughter’ shot down by a mercenary which led to him killing said mercenary and blowing up the freighter. Long story. Displayed an uncharacteristic self sacrificing side by being the one to move the island. Anyone who moves the island is kicked off. Just the opposite of ‘Survivor’ in a way. Still seems to be choreographing things from the mainland as he now has Sayid assassinating a list of people and keeps popping in and out of the survivor’s lives.

Juliette: Fertility specialist who was brought to the island by Ben to figure out why women who were pregnant kept dying. Still hasn’t figured it out, so she kind of sucks in that regard. Ben had a thing for her and so did Jack for a split second before he remembered Kate was scorching hot and liked him, too. There are still some questions as to where her loyalties lie.

Claire: Pregnant survivor who was told by Australian psychic to not let ‘any other’ raise her child. This could have meant ‘Any Others’, but psychics have an annoying tendency to be vague and not at all helpful. She may be dead, too, but that’s up in the air. The only thing we know is she’s kind of bitchy and smug and hanging out with Jack’s dead father which happens to be her father, too. Yeah, nearly forgot that part. All in all she was more likable when she was doing Charlie.

Sun: Beautiful Korean woman who becomes pregnant (we think) on the island. Father (hey, look! More father issues!) is a crime boss who recruits her husband, Jin, to do his dirty work for him. Sun has last word, though, as she buys up majority shares of her father’s company with the Oceanic settlement money and starts running things her way. The most dramatically altered character in the show as she morphs from shy, quiet and meek to vengeance unleashed.

Jin: Sun’s hubby who (again, we think) went BOOM with the freighter. Just when he was learning to speak English, too. Dammit!! Jin was the iron fist of his company which often included killing people or beating them mercilessly with his fists. Shares intense love with Sun even though she was ready to leave him, cheated on him, learned English behind his back, and – quite possibly – was having another man’s child. Man alive, no wonder he beat people for a living.

Michael: Father of Walt – the psychic, rapidly aging boy who was kidnapped by the Others – and murderer of Ana Lucia and Libby. Managed to get Walt off the island by working with Ben and betraying the other survivors. His name is mud. After unsuccessfully trying to kill himself (‘Did the gun jam or did the bullet just bounce off your head?’) he’s recruited onto the freighter and brought back near the island. Michael went boom along with Jin and nameless others on the freighter, but not before seeing Jack’s father who told him ‘It’s time’. Jack’s father is the master of the obvious apparently.

Desmond: Scottish bloke who was sailing around the world before crashing on the island and punching in numbers in an underground bunker for years. Finally discovered by the survivors at which point he leapt onto his boat and sailed in circles for weeks before winding up back on the island. Was the probable cause of the plane crashing when he didn’t enter in the numbers in time. Wound up naked and psychic after Locke blew up the hatch and was instrumental in getting the survivors rescued when he contacted Penny, his long lost love after a time travelling episode. Got off the island, but is not part of the Oceanic Six as he was not on the airplane. Oh, he and Jack had met before, too, but nothing much has come of that coincidence.

Faraday, Charlotte, and PAD (Psychic Asian Dude – aka Miles): People that came to the island under the ruse of rescue. There are hints that Charlotte has been to the island before, Faraday is strange beyond description but seems like a nice guy and was one of the people Desmond visited during his time travelling adventures. Miles is a con artist/real psychic who can talk to recently dead people. The three seem to have a secret that has yet to be revealed.


Charles and Penny Widmore: Penny is Desmond’s true love, spends countless years and dollars searching for him and finally comes to rescue him in a really, really nice yacht. Charles – Mr. Widmore to you – is a billionaire who’s been searching for the island. He’s the one that planted the fake Oceanic plane and has a personal grudge against Ben. Also, it’s implied Widmore is responsible for Desmond becoming stranded on the island.

Bernard and Rose: Married couple who both survived the crash. Bernard in the tail section, Rose with the Jack and the rest. Rose had terminal cancer that is in remission while on the island. Bernard is the sage, old guy that can kick some ass when called upon.

Christian: Dead father of Jack and Claire (not same mother) who has more life in him in death than he ever did while alive. Could be the communicator for Jacob, but he’s so obtuse and vague he really isn’t of much use. That could be Jacob’s fault, though.

Jacob: We haven’t actually seen Jacob except for a very brief moment in a dark, spooky, mobile cabin but he seems to be the key to the entire island. Seems to be able to communicate with Locke.

Patch: Can’t remember his real name, but he’s the indestructible guy with an eye patch who appears at the worst possible moments.

Richard Alpert: Ageless wonder who appears in different episodes, in different times (always looking the same) and with different agendas. Recruited Juliette, tested little Locke, and helped Ben gas the Dharma people.


Libby: While dead, she seems to play a critical role in a variety of people related to the island. Was the woman who gave Desmond the boat to sail around the world (and crash and become hopelessly lost on the island). Had a connection with Hurley on the island that may have been related to them being in the same mental hospital.

Ana Lucia: Tried hooking up with Jack before boarding the doomed flight. Ex L.A. cop who turned vigilante. Killed Shannon and Juliette’s island lover by accident before being killed by Michael not so accidentally.

Charlie: Drowned when Patch set off a grenade near the underwater hatch. Managed to warn the survivors that the freighter was not part of the good guys. Heroin addict who was famous rock star (Drive Shaft Rules!!) before becoming faux father to Aaron and special someone to Claire.

Mr Ekko: War lord who was taken from his family at a young age and wound up becoming ruthless leader in African nation (unnamed). So tough that when he came face to face with smoke monster, the smoke monster ran away whimpering like a wounded dog. Smoky got his revenge later when he killed Ekko by tossing him around like a rag doll. Scare Smoky, will ya? Take this! And that! And this! Oh, he’s dead. I’m outta here.


Smoky: Since we’re here. This is the monster that can kill you in a heart beat (goodbye Oceanic pilot! We barely knew thee) or can read your thoughts and history for future use. Since Ben seemed to have some control over it you can’t help but wonder if this is how he gets all his inside information on everyone that lands on the island. While it made short work of several mercenaries, there is a hint of something mechanical in it, as well.

Dharma Initiative: Research project developed for some reason. It hardly matters now as it seems to have dissolved after Ben killed all the employees on the island (how’s that for a layoff?). They did, however, have stations all over the world, so whether it’s still active remains to be seen. Specialized in unusual sciences.

The Numbers: These are the numbers that Hurley won the lottery with: 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42. They show up repeatedly throughout the show and were the numbers etched into the side of the first hatch door as well as the code you need to enter to prevent the hatch from imploding. Tracking the numbers on the show can become an obsession (flight 815, for example), but according to many they relate to the extinction of mankind and the Dharma Initiative was developed to change any one of those numbers. By doing so, they will save the human race.

Or something.

Enjoy the show tonight!

Today's distraction: A word from Alvar Hanso.


Anonymous said...

Never once watched the show. It's a spite thing I guess, since ABC shoves this thing down peoples' throats like crazy. Also, I can't back a show in which a horribly fat guy gets lost on a deserted island for an extended period of time and doesn't lose a pound.

BeachBum said...

he doesn't lose any weight because there are massive air shipments of food relating to the Dharma Initiative. These guys have thought of everything.

Hammen said...

Just so you know, I skipped that entire post. I hope to someday watch all the seasons of Lost. However long that may be, I'm not sure, but someday it will happen.

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

Fantastic review I needed that.

BeachBum said...

10 and Hammen, I urge you to rent the first season of 'Lost'. Actually, Netflix the first disk. No, make it the first two, because you will get hooked in the first 10 minutes and plow through 5 episodes in one sitting.