A quick rundown on the SuperBowl ads from last night. Strapped for time, so let’s get through these quickly.
Note: today’s distraction will link to the ads, so if you missed one you can watch it on Hulu.
Man, I love the internet!!
E-Trade Baby: I enjoyed both of these, actually. If pressed I’d go with the first one where his black friend tries to ‘polish the golden pipes’ by singing a Mister Mister song. The song selection puts this over the top.
Coke Zero: The one with Troy Polamalu that takes off the Mean Joe Greene classic. Only thing that would have made it better was him ripping the Coke Brand dude’s underwear off (like a vicious wedgie) instead of his shirt. Of course, throwing a kid some guy’s worn underwear would have been weird.
Hulu.com: Alec Baldwin is hilarious in this. As is the concept that television doesn’t rot your brain, just softens it up a bit.
Monster.com: Great shot of a luxurious office with a moose head mounted on it. The camera pans to the other side of the wall where an office shlub sits in his tiny office with the moose’s ass mounted above his head. Not only was it funny and relevant, but it takes a shot at all the corporate fat cats who are stealing our tax money. Fuckers!
Talking Flowers: Ok, maybe it shouldn’t be here since I have no idea what company the ad was for (800-Flowers?), but loved the last line of what wilting and droopy flowers says: ‘Nobody wants to see you naked’. This elicited quite a few questions from my eight year old, by the way.
Dorito Crystal Ball: Any ad that ends with a crotch shot to a boss is a winner in my book.
Audi Chase Scene: Recruiting The Transporter himself was a great move. He gets chased in past era’s signature cars before finally winding up in a brand new 2009 Audi. First, the look of disgust when he sees the pink Lexus is fantastic and that the Audi looks fucking awesome make this work. Bonus points for getting the Bandit's Firebird in.
MIDDLE OF THE ROAD
CareerBuilder.com: Started out promising (‘Hey Dummy!’) but became repetitive and way too long.
Cash4Gold: Let me get this straight, people are mailing in gold for cash to people they’ve never met is such large numbers that the company can now afford a SuperBowl ad and MC Hammer? Wait, I can afford MC Hammer. But, still. A SuperBowl ad? Did enjoy the random gold items both Hammer and Ed McMahon were sending in. ‘A gold hip replacement!’
Coke: The one where the bugs coordinate a theft of a coke bottle. Animation was fantastic, but had two problems with it. First, does anyone actually have those bottles in stock? I can only find the plastic ones, but the ads always have the old fashioned glass bottles. Second, I’m pretty sure Coke would kill every insect that came in contact with it.
Universal Studios: The one where the kid was running through the city with a cape and underwear and somehow winds up on top of a skyscraper. Don’t try that at home. Still, there was something about calling out your inner little kid that spoke to me.
Taco Bell Quick Guy: He meets a hottie at a party, she gives his number and says ‘Call me sometime’. As she walks away her call goes off and it’s the guy that’s right behind her. Before the ad is over, he has her meeting his parents at the same party. Starts off amusing and ends desperate and creepy.
Toyota Tundra Fire Climb: Um. What exactly is this trying to show us?
WHAT THE HELL?
GoDaddy.com: Look, I’m all for tits and ass, but shoving Danica Patrick in these is disappointing. Can’t they get Erin Andrews or Anna K to do these instead?
The Whatever Water Drink: I still don’t know that name of the drink these psychedelic lizards are hocking, but it really doesn’t matter. After putting three NFL guys in white, skin tight outfits and making them awkwardly dance around I’m never buying whatever it is they’re selling. That they put this in 3D, didn’t do nearly enough to tell everyone we needed 3D glasses, then tied it into some horrendous looking kid’s movie makes this one of the worst ad spots in SuperBowl history. Complete train wreck that gave me a headache. Ray Lewis, you are dead to me.
Any ‘Heroes’ Spot: Does NBC realize everyone stopped watching this two years ago?
Budweiser Clydesdale Ads: Note to Bud: Nobody gives a shit about the fucking horses. They’re animals that pull a cart and they aren’t funny.
LMAO Clinic: I’ll admit I like ‘The Office’ (anyone catch the fantastic episode following the SuperBowl?), but my ass never falls off. Was waiting for shit to start flying everywhere. Wait, that may have made it better.
Conan O’Brien in Sweden: Do I need to even get into this one?
Those I Would See Based On the Trailer: Star Trek, Transformers 2, Up, Year One.
Those I’m Staying Far, Far Away From: Monsters & Aliens, Land of the Lost (comedy or what?), Angels and Demons (at least the Hanks wig is gone), Fast and the Furious...um...what number are we on?
I’m sure I’m missing some, but if I don’t remember them then they haven’t left much of an impression.
Today’s distraction: Vote for which ad you liked best. You can watch any that you may have missed, too.