Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Crush of the Month

It’s that time of month again. No, my wife isn’t breathing fire, emotionally irrational and throwing my things on to the front lawn. That was last week.

Today it’s time for BeachBum’s Crush of the Month. Granted today’s highly honored recipient (who will undoubtedly be upgrading her home security system this weekend) is the beneficiary of baseball’s triumphant return to my life, but that’s the way things fall sometimes. Life isn’t fair. All you other ladies will have to wait until next month.

Ladies and Gents, allow me to introduce April’s Crush of the Month.

Who?: She is the love of many Red Sox fans around the country or basically anyone that subscribes to NESN, the cable channel that broadcasts 99% of all Red Sox games. She graduated from the University of San Diego (probably last year) and immediately took her love of sports (I know, she LOVES SPORTS!!!) to radio and television.

Having competed and been a finalist in the Miss California pageants, made extra cash modeling, she caught on with the Red Sox as their on field broadcaster/interviewer and has been in the hearts of male viewers ages 4-400 ever since.

I’m talking, of course, about Ms. Heidi Watney, a stunning reason to watch every bit of every Red Sox game on NESN this season. I would watch the Yankees pounding the Sox 42-0 if I knew she was coming on for a piece in the next inning. Seriously.

You would, too!!!

What Else?: Oh, I'm sorry, former California beauty pageant winner and model who loves sports isn’t enough? Fine. Surprisingly, she’s really good at her job. Sure she asks cream puff questions at times (nature of the job), but she has a certain fan like enthusiasm during her interviews that comes across as ‘Holy shit, am I really talking to Josh Beckett?’

Best. Job. EVER!

She also has fun interacting with the fans at Fenway between her on field spots. She certainly seems aware of her popularity, but rather than shy away from it she seems to enjoy and play off it.

And knows her demographic.

That All?: Actually, no. There is RAMPANT speculation that she may have something to do with Jason Varitek’s marriage breaking up. By ‘something’ I mean she’s practicing her interviewing techniques while naked and horizontal. Or so I fantasize.

I need to stress that there is no confirmation of this, but you could imagine why her willingness to get it on with an over the hill, married man is a major plus in my book.

Unbeknownst to Heidi, is she is also responsible for a disastrous conversation between me and Wifey. My neighbor was over watching one of last season’s afternoon games and he passed on the rumor about Watney and Varitek. I said (without thinking obviously) ‘Wow, good for Varitek!’ Wifey glares at me and says ‘Good for him??!! He’s got a wife and kids!’ To which I stuttered ‘Oh….well yeah…there’s that complication’ while my neighbor nodded his approval of my initial statement behind Wifey’s back.

Oh, and there’s the fact she looks fantastic in a bikini.

Told ya

Congratulations, Heidi Watney. You are my Crush of the Month*. Keep up the great work!

* Due to the current economic climate there will be no monetary compensation or trophy or plaque accompanying this award. You can print out this entry though and frame it at your own expense.

Today's distraction: A semi official rundown of how to determine the hottest sideline reporter. I have a huge problem with Jeanne Zolasko even being included in this contest. She drives me nuts!


Clayton Bigsby said...

Nice pick for this month Beach. Good for Tek if the rumors are true. Maybe that's why he doesn't resemble a corpse this year.

BeachBum said...

Actually, she may have been partly responsible for his collapse last year. After rumors of him and her came out and his filing for divorce became public is when he went into his second half free fall.

Still, totally worth it, I think.

Hammen said...

She's no Erin Andrews, but she'll do. She'll do juuuust fine.

thepowerof10 said...

God damn it, my exact comment was going to read "She's no Erin Andrews, but then again, not everyone can be perfect." Fucking Hammen and our think-alike minds.

Seriously though, she is gorgeous. Nice pick Beach.

Clayton Bigsby said...

I guess it isn't good for Tek as he cheated on his wife, but I'm the kind of person that thinks if your paycheck has 7 figures on it your finger should never have a ring on it.