Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Q & A

A few questions I would like answered.

- How can Mel Kiper grade teams on their drafts when not one player drafted has played a second of NFL football? Isn’t he basically grading his own scouting skills and who he believes will be a good player?

- If a guy comes into the men’s room to take a piss, disgustingly sniffs and roughly clears his throat multiple times like he’s trying to get something up, but never spits anything out, do I just assume he swallowed?

- How can I consistently make terrible choices in ‘ESPN’s Streak for the Cash’ for three solid months, then go 23-8 in April?

- Why was everyone in Boston upset over the Celtics’ double overtime loss to the Bulls when they have no realistic chance of winning a championship without Kevin Garnett?

- While on the subject, is it wrong that I find myself liking this Bulls team? They’re scrappy, their big men can all pass, shoot, defend and hustle. If Rose would crack a smile I might start rooting for them to upset my own team. Ok, not really, be seriously, man; you just won Rookie of the Year. At least attempt a smile. I promise it won't hurt.

- While Ellsbury’s steal of home was very exciting and unexpected, was it the correct thing to do?

- Is it wrong that I’m enjoying Bill Simmons’ podcasts more than his articles?

- Why can’t the Patriots get Boldin?

- Why – despite the attempts of the media to create panic – am I not worried at all about the Swine Flu?

- In a related note, why do people still go to Mexico for vacation?

- Even though I know better, why do I feel like a rock star when I kick ass playing ‘Guitar Hero’?

- Why is this season’s ‘American Idol’ so boring?

- Would it have been that difficult to call the mayor of New York and let them know there would be some low flyovers over a still scarred city for filming purposes? I assume these people have email accounts and BlackBerries, right?

- Did you know Obama just finished his first 100 days in office? Did you? Huh? Huh?

- Did anyone else catch that all too brief story about how the Federal Government discovered some banks requesting bailout money weren’t nearly in as bad shape as originally thought? Could that mean we’re over reacting again? Or were these banks trying to get some free cash flow from the taxpayer’s pockets?

- Banks can get stressed tested? How does that work? Does the entire executive board get on a treadmill until one drops dead? That’s how it should work.

- Did you know Citigroup is asking special permission to give bonuses to ‘key employees’? If any of these employees are making above 100K, that request shouldn’t just be denied, but bitch slapped, kneed in the groin, and swirlied in a public toilet.

- What kind of world do we live in that Billy Mays, ShamWow, and the Snuggie are all house hold names?

- Why am I always so sleepy? Is there a gas leak?

- Is it wrong that I love my new Maui Jim sunglasses more than my dog?

- Why is this game so much fun?

- Why do some people need to press an already lit elevator button?

- Are these the same people that double and triple check that their letter actually went into the mailbox and wasn’t defying gravity and hovering in mid air just inside that little door? I mean, honestly, where do they think the letters are going?

- Why does work keep interrupting my fun? Why? WHHHYYYYYYY????!!!!

- Anyone else think Kyle Orton will have a better year than Jay Cutler?

- Why, oh why did I not remember the slushes? See below.

- How can one day be 90 degrees and the next be 50?

- Who is this Rajon Rondo and where did he come from?

- If we really wanted to cut down on gas and oil consumption, why don’t we get rid of NASCAR?

- And finally, why do I get such perverse pleasure watching everything go wrong with the Yankees? $2800 seats? Yeah, I’ll bet that’s why.

Today’s distraction: Feeling homicidal towards your boss? Well then take him out! Virtually speaking, of course.

Spending update: Kaput! It wasn't gas for the truck or a forgotten lunch. It was slushes for the boys that I get them after my oldest boy's games. Devil is in the details.

iPod update: Song 290 of 1953. Best surprise: Rediscovering Gorillaz. Worst Listen: Cold War Kids' 'God, Make Up Your Mind'.


Clayton Bigsby said...

-The guy in the men's room was trying to Senator Craig you.

-I'm 0-6 in my last 6 picks on streak for the cash after going 9 in a row.

-Ellsbury's steal was a great play against a crappy pitcher and catcher.

-I really enjoy podscasts too. I listen to them while I'm showering, playing video games, or can't fall asleep. Simmons has hit his ceiling I think. The Baseball Today podcast is great.

-Orton will be as good as Cutler

-Slushees rock

-It snowed here, ND, on Sunday. FU!

-I agree with the nascar thing

-fuck the Yankees.

thepowerof10 said...

Totally agree with the NASCAR statement as well. Do we even need to be in an oil crisis to tell grown men to stop driving in circles every Saturday? Surely there are plenty of liquor stores and Chick-Fil-A locations for these southern morons to be working at, they'll find new jobs.

Hammen said...

Agree with Bigsby, I think we're now on the downslope of Simmon's career.

And yeah, it's impossible to NOT think that you're awesome at guitar when you're rocking Guitar Hero. Until you pick up a real guitar.