Thursday, June 4, 2009

Random Crap

Some follow ups and random notes.

- My dream of Matt Holliday becoming a Boston resident doesn’t seem so far fetched after all. I can see the A’s taking Justin Masterson or Clay Buchholz off the Sox hands in order to give Holliday a chance to play in the postseason. Can’t you? C'mon!!! Let's do this! We'll even throw in Ortiz.

- Apparently the Braves read this space because they immediately got Nate McLouth from the Pirates after reading that I thought they needed more pop in their lineup. The Pirates got three Atlanta minor leaguers in the deal that sent McLouth along with any hope the Pirate fans had for an entertaining season to Atlanta.

- Oh, and while we're here, I totally screwed up on the Pirates section yesterday and have no explanation other than I'm a moron. I know they don't play in the NL East (although, they probably should) and it even felt wrong as I was typing it, but it stays. I was going to go back and fix it but just couldn't be bothered.

- My fantasy stud from last year just had ankle surgery and will probably miss a bunch of training camp. Yet, I think this is a good thing. Not only will Westbrook be healthy, but he’ll be well rested by the time the regular season rolls around. Unless this is something more than simple bone spurs, I predict another huge year for him.

- Is it sad I’m already looking forward to football season? I should enjoy my summer first, I suppose.

- The lack of any worthwhile viewing on television lately is depressing.

- And to make my mood worse, I just found this out. Kill Bill, indeed. I used to watch ‘Kung Fu’ every afternoon when I came home from school.

- The topless coffee shop that I never had a chance to visit was burned down by some arsonist. Although after seeing one of the waitresses that worked there (she’s the second picture), I’m not sure I would have gone out of my way.

- I would like to point out that the torched coffee shop is the second incident of violent, criminal behavior by people I’m assuming to be Christian fruitcakes. The first being the murder of an abortion doctor while he was attending church (which is the perfect place to kill someone if you're delusional enough to think you’re doing God’s work). This now means those highly religious folks who protest outside the clinics and push to have gay marriage banned and pressure teens to sign unrealistic abstinence contracts seem to be adopting guerrilla warfare tactics. Super!! And we thought Islamic terrorists were our biggest problem.

- Even New Hampshire (The Redneck State Stuck North) has approved gay marriage. How ya feel now, California? What's interesting about this is the Governor of the state was going to veto it, but had his mind changed when gay couples intelligently and articulately stated their case to him. Nice to see a politician can be persuaded with good, old fashioned common sense.

- Is MLB getting a little carried away with these suspensions? Burnett gets 6 games for pitching NEAR someone’s head, but Vincente Padilla hits Teixiera twice in the same game and gets a fine? What the hell? I hate the Yankees and even I think this sucks.

- I would personally like to thank Wall Street for not freaking the fuck out when GM announced it was declaring bankruptcy. Sometimes a sinking ship needs to jettison excess cargo in order to right itself. Did GM really need to run Pontiac, Hummer, Saturn, Buick, Saab and Chevy? Can you tell this company may have spread itself too thin? Hopefully declaring bankruptcy and getting their house in order will stimulate a new era of growth and dominance.

- Speaking of which, I noticed a Chinese company bought Hummer from GM. Did anyone else notice that some Chinese investors bought a share of the Cleveland Cavaliers? There have also been stories about Chinese citizens buying up large bunches of houses in the California area. Is this how we lose to the Commies? Not through war, but by the Chinese using our own capitalist system to slowly buy up our entire country?

And, if so, doesn’t that mean even the Chinese are capitalists now? Which means we win! Yay for capitalism!!! We rule! Just not the Chinese. They own us.

- During my walk to the train this morning I witnessed a cute 20 something girl driving her car while chatting on her cell AND applying lipstick. At the same time.

Last week wifey got angry with me when I callously suggested an 18 year old girl who was killed in a car accident was probably talking on her phone when she lost control of her car and smashed into a tree. Turns out I was wrong. She was texting someone at the time of her death.

What made this even more disturbing was the girl was heading home and was less than a mile from her house. This means she was texting while driving, wound up smashing into a tree and killing herself when she could have waited less than 3 minutes to do it from the safety of her own driveway.

Increasingly, I witness more lunacy on the roads than ever. People texting while driving, (including one girl who was so erratic I finally pulled along side her and told her she was going to kill someone if she didn’t start paying attention. She gave me the finger for my friendly advice).

People punching an address into a GPS device while moving.

Queen dipshit above.

One women who was applying mascara while looking into the rearview mirror at herself while driving. And I mean moving with cars all around her.

An elderly women I posted here before that was READING A BOOK while driving.

Several men READING THE NEWSPAPER while driving.

I get the we’ve always had sucky drivers, but the recent level of ignorance has raised the danger level to new heights. These days it’s like everyone is a drunk driver. Only worse. At least drunk drivers are trying to concentrate on driving. Cell phone users can’t keep their eyes on the road and their phone at the same time. It’s impossible.

Therefore, I propose we apply the same penalties to text drivers that we do to drunk drivers. Three strikes and you lose your license for a year (or whatever the drunk driving penalty is). We setup road blocks and check people’s cell phones to see if they’re in mid-text. Public service announcements will be aired during every football, baseball and basketball game. Mother’s Against Texting (MAT) will be formed across the country.

We need a full fledged assault. And the time is now.

Today’s distraction: A fun new word game to kill some time. Don’t say I never gave you anything.


Clayton Bigsby said...

Just a few weeks ago I took a 5 hour drive by myself, borrowed a portable DVD player from a friend, and watched season 2 of the office while driving 80 MPH. On the way back I listened to the Twins game and the new Kings of Leon album. Which one is worse? I was just as into the DVD as I was to the game and album.(I had tire trouble on the way back so it took more like 7 hours)

thepowerof10 said...

I'm taking a nice little trip to Minneapolis this weekend, which is about a five hour drive. I imagine I'll struggle to stay off my phone the whole time, but the fear of dying in a horrific accident will aid me in my journey.

I once saw a woman putting on eyeliner while driving. I wanted to follow her until she stopped, tell her she was a huge whore for not paying attention while she drove, and tell her the eyeliner looked like shit.

Hammen said...

When I watch portable DVD player when I'm on a Roadtrip, I put it on the seat next to me, and angle the screen so the reflection shows up in the windshield. That's baller, yo.

Clayton Bigsby said...

I put it on top of the steering wheel in front of me so I'm at least looking towards the road.