Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Are You Sure?

During one of last weekend’s marathon BBQ/drink fests* a conversation sparked up about what would be the most fun business men could start up that would also provide a much needed service for all other men in the world.

It didn’t take three of us to come up with the winner.

I’ve dubbed it the ‘Verification Weekend’.

Like all genius ideas, this one is rather simple. A man decides it’s time for him to ask the love of his life for her hand in marriage. Or his hand. We won’t discriminate. As he is preparing himself for the moment, he lets slip to one or several of his friends what he is planning.

Those friends then call us.

A plan is set in motion to make sure this guy knows what he’s getting himself into. His friend’s book our service and we take them all out on a pleasure cruise. The original plan was a super fast cigarette boat, but I think we need more of a cabin cruiser so our guests can sit below in comfortable accommodations and play poker or watch porn or whatever they want to do.

The theme of the cruise or party is ‘Are You Sure?’.

As in ‘Are you sure you want to get married? Because we’re about to show you what you’ll be missing out on for the rest of your life.’

If requested an exotic dancer could be brought aboard, probably a bunch of smoking hot women that mingle with the men. We could make several stops along the way so the guys can hit some bars along the shore. There are many, many piers around the New England coast that allow you to tie up briefly and eat and drink at the pubs on the water. Quincy, Salem, Hingham, Boston’s Rowes Wharf in particular. Even Gloucester and Rockport up north have places to stop.

If they like fishing we simply take them out far enough to catch the big ones. We could get satellite television for the boat so the guys could watch sports or movies on the ride out.

Part of the day would include guest speakers. For example, a man who has been married several times or an overly nagging wife we know. While we were discussing this (in good humor) my buddy’s wife started in on how this is mean spirited and we would be setting ourselves up for lawsuits by aggrieved lovers.

My other friend (not her husband) looks at her and says ‘Oh yeah, you’ll be a guest speaker’ which set off a round of laughter that lasted many minutes. She was the only one not pleased.

Even better, this themed cruise could double as a bachelor party cruise. The dude’s getting married regardless, so make it a party to be REALLY REALLY sure this is what he wants to do.

And, hey, if this is the woman for him we’ll even congratulate the young lady and send her fiancee back with a certificate of authenticity. A sort of ‘he’s ready for marriage’ license.

Wait, I’m not done.

Not only can this work for women, as well (which would make things even more fun for us guys running the boat), but couples.

Let’s say years later, that same guy and his wife are considering having kids. We take them out on the boat again with a bunch of their couple friends who already have children. They offer testimonials on how their lives have changed, how little sleep they get, etc. Day one would be the boat cruise with their friends, drinking, eating, carousing, swimming.

When we get back to shore, we hand them a crying baby doll. You know; the kind that need to be fed and changed. Day two of the couple Verification Weekend is them taking care of the doll. They then hand the doll back on day three fully informed on what they’ll be missing and what they can expect.


Still not done!

We can expand this even further: Couples therapy. That same couple is having marital problems. We take them out on the boat again. They have their own private room where they can rekindle that original spark. We can take them to the Cape or the islands (or even all of them) for a romantic getaway. We’ll provide the ambiance, food, booze and sunsets. They just relax and remember why they fell in love in the first place.

We can offer day cruises or weekends or even three day getaway packages. The boat doesn’t have to be enormous, but big enough to hold about 30.

Maybe not this big, but DAMN!!

That would include the staff. I figure captain, chef (we would offer limited menu options since we don’t want to have to buy a boat with a full kitchen) and…shall we say…entertainment protection. We already have my six foot eight friend lined up for that job.

My brother is already a licensed captain and I am one hell of a BBQer, organizer and booze bag. My brother in law is a semi-pro fisherman. Basically, all we would need is the boat and whatever licenses we would need to host a party. Frankly, if it’s on the ocean, I’m not sure you need any licenses.

Anyway, I’m going with at least this model to start. It may need to be bigger at some point, but this should be solid launching off pad. Make sure you check out the video tour and see what it looks like inside. It retails at $98,000 or there abouts (which includes the aforementioned satellite TV).

With other luxuries and dock fees figure a solid $150,000 is what we would need to get this venture off the ground.

I think that would suit our needs nicely.

Who’s in?

Today’s distraction: Hilarious hand written signs. The stolen bike had me laughing simply due to the ‘May not be to scale’ on the illustration.

* Technically the entire weekend was a drink fest so it all blended together. This was one section of the nonstop booze factory known as my back deck.


Rob said...

My favorite was the stingray/aids one.

Your business idea is class-A brilliant. I have to ask, though, is there some kind of intervention on the boat, or is the fishing/poker/strippers just a demonstration of what he won't be able to do regularly anymore?

BeachBum said...

I think it should be a combo of 'Dude what are you thinking?' and 'Look what you won't be able to do anymore'.

All his single friends can do shots off the stripper's body while they ride him about his impending decision.

Or whatever is the most fun.

Hammen said...

This is just begging to be another Minnesota Vikings boat scandal. I fully approve.

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

Pool's closed due to aids and stingrays, who also have aids made me cry. Hilarious!

Rob said...

Congrats on Drew Brees!