Yesterday I went to my buddy’s house to help him setup his new wireless router, watch the Pats – Jets game and enjoy some delicious beer. I love beer.
His expecting any second now wife was there and looked fucking enormous. She’s a big girl normally, so having an unborn fetus already estimated at over nine pounds residing inside her doesn’t help. When I asked her how she was feeling she answered ‘FAT!’ before I even finished the question.
She’s ready. Anyone who has known a woman at the eight and a half month stage of pregnancy has witnessed this. I call it the ‘Get this thing out of me NOW’ stage. The morning sickness is over, the lovely glow of the middle months is over, the wonder and fright of preparing for a new baby is over. The woman just wants that thing out of her body. Every position is uncomfortable, the baby is moving around like the Tasmanian Devil and pushing her organs all over the place and, according to his wife, ‘even my vagina hurts’.
Thankfully, we had the NFL to distract us.
Or somewhat thankfully.
It’s weeks like this that make me appreciate fantasy football that much more. The Pats looked all fucked up yesterday; out of sync, sluggish, and confused. Maybe the Jets defense had a lot to do with that, but it sure seemed like Brady was an inch or so away from making those usual huge plays we’re used to seeing from him. A fingertip here, a pass thrown juuuust out of reach there and the Pats have two touchdowns instead of settling for field goals.
Not to take anything away from the Jets. Considering they shut down a Texas team that unloaded on Tennessee yesterday and kept the Pats out of the end zone, they have served notice that they are for real. In fact, they remind me of a team from last year that relied heavily on tough defense and rode the growing pains of another rookie quarterback: Baltimore.
Let’s keep an eye on those comparisons when the Jets come to New England. I think that game will turn out a bit differently.
Other items from a glorious second week:
- The Patriots game reminded me why I usually stay away from drafting their players for my fantasy teams. Sure, when they do well it’s fun, but when they do poorly (like yesterday in New York) it triples the pain. My friend has Brady on his team and he spent the entire second half throwing his Pats cap on the floor in disgust. He would pick it up, put it back on, then throw it down when Brady just missed another connection. I found this highly entertaining.
- Speaking of fantasy (you knew I’d bring it up sooner or later) huge days from Brees, Colston, Andre Johnson, Vincent Jackson and Marion Barber have me nearly ready to claim $50 for the second week in a row. The only thing sitting between me and the cash is Peyton Manning. The guy that owns him is 35 points behind me. Considering the Colts are playing Miami, I think it’s entirely possible Manning will get those points.
- If I wind up losing that money by 5 or 6 points I’ll be cursing that Barber injury. If you didn’t see last night’s game, Barber was on his way to his second touchdown of the game when he pulled up lame and collapsed to the ground. I’m hoping this isn’t a long term injury because that will mean playing Willie Parker who has a grand total of 8 points (estimate) this season.
- All you Steve Slaton owners shouldn’t freak out because of his slow start. Remember that he may have just faced two of the best run defenses in the league. Here are the defenses he’s facing in the coming weeks: Jacksonville, Oakland, Arizona, Cincinnati, San Fran, Buffalo. Expect him to put up much better numbers in the next few weeks.
- Nice to see Willis McGahee putting up monster numbers this season after stiffing me for single digits (or, in one week, ZERO digits) most of last year. Bastard!
- Fantasy line of the year (so far): Chris Johnson – 197 yards, 2 TDs rushing – 9 receptions for 87 yards and another TD. Yikes! The dude had numbers most quarterbacks don't get.
- File this under ‘forward thinking’: After dealing with Brian Westbrook’s weekly ‘Questionable’ status last season, I drafted his backup, LeSean McCoy, with a late pick. It only took two games for Westbrook to be hobbling again and McCoy maybe getting his first start against – of all teams – the Kansas City Chiefs. Oh boy!!! Considering Barber’s injury, McCoy could be making his first start for my team, as well.
- While I like the people of Minnesota (or the ones I’ve met, anyway), I hope they’re not getting too excited about the Viking’s quick start. Remember, they beat Cleveland and Detroit. Not exactly a tough opening duo. Still, you do get to watch Peterson every week. He’s awesome!
- Considering Carolina’s next two games are against Dallas and Washington, there is a very real possibility they could be 0-4 and facing an uphill climb the rest of the season.
- On the same note, the Titans face the Jets (take the under, whatever it is), the Jaguars in Jacksonville, then the Colts. I’ve got a sneaking suspicion Tennessee’s defense isn’t nearly as good as everyone thinks which could mean a big hole for them, as well.
- Sure sign that the season is young: The top five quarterbacks in my pay fantasy league are Drew Brees, Joe Flacco, Byron Leftwich, Matt Ryan and Matt Schaub. I’m guessing things won’t stay this way.
- Most surprising final score: Bengals 31 - Packers 24. In Green Bay!
- I’m looking to dump Carolina’s defense/special teams because…well…they suck. I’ve been looking at Buffalo but one team has me very intrigued: Oakland. Call me crazy, but their defense has been looking very good.
- What do we make of the Saints destroying the Eagles in Philly? Is the Saints offense that good? Or is the Eagles defense over rated?
- Broncos: 2 – 0. BeachBum: Not convinced.
- Game that told us nothing about either team: Chicago 17 Pittsburgh 14. Although Cutler did look decent. As opposed to his crappiness from week one.
- Buffalo beat Tampa Bay 33 – 20 which raises this question: Is Buffalo better than we thought and the Patriots game a horrible aberration? Or is Tampa Bay going to be one of the worst teams of 2009?
- Despite the loss, it seemed like the Cowboys were exploiting a major hole in the Giants defense last night. They were running screens and play action fakes all night and the Giants were biting in a big way. Despite the let down, Dallas may have setup a blue print on how to attack that New York front seven.
- Frank Gore! Holy Shit!
- Crap game of the week: Washington 9 - St Louis 7. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- Yeah, it’s only week 2, but we’re going to be hard pressed to find a better defensive play than the game ending read – sprint – tackle Ray Lewis executed against San Diego yesterday.
- Random Monday Night prediction that is purely based on my desire to win $50: Manning has a subpar game as he’s missing two receivers and Miami’s defense is better than everyone thinks. I win the week by 10 points.
Today’s distraction: Practice your archery skills. Warning this is both graphic, bloody and hilarious. I found myself shooting the guy in different places on the body to see what would happen. Yes, I’m disturbed.