Monday, February 1, 2010

Weekend Thoughts

A few things to share since we last spoke (or you read my venomous rants).

- If you’ve read here you are quite familiar with my stories of Wifey’s grand ideas becoming my logistical problems. Things like her deciding to fix the upstairs toilet, breaking a bolt and flooding the bathroom. One guess as to who ran to Home Depot to fix that little project.

Last week, Wifey’s unused gym membership expired so she decided that we should purchase an elliptical for the house. Her argument was the usual ‘I don’t have time to get to the gym and will use something if it were here in the house’.

My argument was a gym is much more cost effective. I only pay $10 a month and have use of their weights, treadmills, bikes, showers, and high end ellipticals. If we bought one for $500, it would equal 50 months at the gym which would last much longer than a home bought machine will last, that’s for damn sure.

I found my argument sound, logical and monetarily prudent.

We bought one on Wednesday and, things being what they are, I spent three hours on Friday putting the stupid thing together. I was, however, rewarded with many beers and a certain sexual favor later that night. Combine this with the fact that Wifey now feels obligated to use the machine (thus making her smoking hot in a few weeks - fingers crossed) and it may be worth all the trouble.

- Since my iPod battery was running low this morning, I decided to run a social experiment on my commute into work. I wanted to see how long it would take for someone to annoy me enough for me to turn on my music and drown out their idiocy. The official time is 20 minutes, but that included a 15 minute walk with no other people around me. I arrived at the train station and – before I had even entered the turnstiles – a young lady screams ‘HEY! How are you?!’

She was on her phone, screaming to whoever was unlucky enough to be on the receiving end of her drivel. For the record, I don’t mean screaming in a ‘talking loud’ way. She was literally yelling into the phone. Several people from across the station turned her way as she dropped F Bombs at the top of her voice and shared how she had called yesterday but that person someone never got the message she left. ‘Weird,’ she said, but it’s probably not as weird as she thinks.

So, unofficially, it took about 90 seconds for me to drown out other humans with old Van Halen tunes. Good work, psychos. I like to think that Apple invented the iPod with the direct focus on eliminating other people’s inanity. Means they really are marketing geniuses.

- In a stunning turn of events, Wifey and I got to go out to dinner on Saturday night. We hit Boston’s North End with her sister and husband while their daughter watched the two boys. We wound up at G’Vanni’s, a comfy little hole in the wall down a back alley. If you’ve never been, nearly every street in the North End is a back alley. G’Vanni’s could only hold about 30 people maximum (we had to wait in the freezing cold while they got our table ready), but the food was fucking fantastic and I got to try a new Italian beer. That I can’t remember the name should tell you the impression it made on me.

If the weather was above freezing (or even above 15) we may have wandered for some quality deserts in the area. Instead we made a beeline for the car, passed the shop own by ‘The Cheese Man’, and cracked jokes about him the rest of the way. For those unfamiliar, The Cheese Man is an alleged mafia kingpin whose morbidly obese frame has the added burden of carrying around the single worst mafia nickname in history. ‘The Cheese Man’ is named because he ran a cheese shop. End of story. No fancy ‘Killed a guy in a cheese vat’ or ‘Would shove a slice of cheese into the mouth of every rat he left in pieces on the police station front steps’.

No, just sold cheese. That this is the best nickname cops and media could come up with makes me think he’s innocent.

- Four thoughts from last night’s Grammy Awards:

1: Was that shown live or was there a bunch of awards given out before the telecast even started? Kept hearing things like ‘Beyonce has already won multiple Grammys tonight’, but we only witnessed her get one.

2: That performance by Pink will be tough to top. Ever. Like in the history of all remaining Grammy shows. Look for it on YouTube if you haven’t seen it (Can ‘YouTube it’ be officially be entered into our vocabulary? Like ‘Googled’?). Considering all the lights and drama and extras Beyonce threw into her performance, it was striking how Pink upstaged her with a simple ballad and Cirque De Soleil-like aerials.

Does anyone know if she sang live? I think she did and, if so, it makes it that much more impressive.

3: Auto Tune can now be used in live performances. Both and Jamie Foxx used it last night. Fucking great! Soon those robots dancing behind the Black Eyed Peas will be the actual performers. Just throw a Mac under a spotlight next year and let it make music out of random, preprogrammed notes.

4: Did anyone else not realize we were somehow supposed to get 3D glasses for the Michael Jackson tribute? I had to stop watching because my eyes were going to start bleeding. Way to promote that little piece of information CBS.

- I am totally addicted to Frisbee Golf included in ‘Wii Sports Resort’. I’m also addicted to archery, the 3 point contest (high score 24), dunking on my son’s head in 3 on 3, regular golf and skydiving. Also, table tennis is fun, but way more difficult than the real life game.

In a related note, I think I have shoulder tendinitis.

- Finally watched ‘The Hangover’ and must admit I was not disappointed. Hilarious throw away lines and unforgettable scenes, but what impressed me most was the plot and way the film moved. One thing piles on top of another and comes to an actual logical conclusion.

Highlights for me:

‘They gave out rings at the Holocaust?’ I nearly spit out my gin and tonic then choked to death keeping it in.

‘I lost my grandfather during World War 2’
‘He died in battle?’
‘No, skiing in Vermont, but it was during World War 2’

‘I’m not supposed to be within 300 yards of a school….or a Chuck E Cheese’

‘Here is your car, officers’

But, by far, my favorite moment of the movie was when everyone first woke up and sat around trying to figure out what had happened. One guy is missing a tooth, another is trying to figure out why there is a tiger in the bathroom, another is laughing and trying to get everyone to relax.

And all the while there is a chair smoldering in the background. It is literally smoking and not one person acknowledges it.

I also have my next answer ready for the next person that stops me on the streets of Boston asking for directions. ‘Yeah, it’s on the corner of get a map and fuck off!’

Today’s distraction: Another example of not believing everything you hear. See you all there!


Clayton Bigsby said...

"The Hangover" is up for best picture at the Oscars. Never saw that coming, but I guess it did win the Golden Globe.

thepowerof10 said...

People used to call me Cheese from the age of 9 until about ... well, some people still call me that. I went to high school with some people who didn't even know my real name, just knew me as Cheese.

That being said, I need to meet this mafia Cheese Man. The fact that I am Italian can only boost the odds that he's a long-lost uncle or something.

Anonymous said...

"He was a ritard." Classic.