I’ve always considered Lost to be an actor’s dream. Not only will you always have work (well, until this season is over), but you can expand and grow into your role. Nearly every character in the run of this show is multidimensional and never what they initially seemed. Consider Sawyer transforming from the corrupt, self serving, con to the lovable, nickname slinging, savior. (Pop quiz, hot shots: what was the first nickname Sawyer utters? Answer at the end.) Locke turns from self doubting, faithful follower to menacing dark figure trying to end the world (or so we’re told).
Despite all that, I was pleasantly surprised to see our old friend Patch back in action in Sun and Jin’s Real World story. Nice to see the Lost people allowing the fringe characters to spread their wings, as well. Patch shows up so abruptly and different looking it took me a minute to figure out who he was. From slightly deranged Dharma outcast who was nearly indestructible (I still think he shows up on the island again!) to manicured and polished, multilingual translator for Mercenary Dude’s brain trust.
He still loses an eye, though.
Spoiler Alert! Sorry, was that supposed to be first?
I also thoroughly enjoyed Lost playing with our expectations (as always) by using Sun’s top button as not a symbol of submissiveness but as a sexual game (Pick me! I want to play!). The show focused a lot on Sun’s tomatoes, too, which was nice.
Oh, and there is the small item we’ll need to discuss about what ‘The Package’ turns out to be. I guessed, by the way, which totally pissed off the wife.
Let’s get it on!!
Real World: We see Sun and Jin back at LAX, just arriving from Oceanic 815 where the custom official is trying (poorly) to explain to Jin that he can’t have his 25 grand back. He can have the watch, though, so he can witness his life tick away. Having already missed the scheduled meeting he and Sun check into the hotel…wait for it…
…into separate rooms. Turns out they are not married in this Real World. Don’t think that will stop them, though. Jin shows up at Sun’s hotel room door and they play ‘Which Button Should I Undo Next?’ until they wake up in bed the next morning. The problem is Jin is still working for Sun’s father and, since he’s fond of his own testicles, is trying desperately to keep their relationship secret.
Sun suggests to Jin that they run away together. She’s saved up some money to get started. Jin is shocked (and I’ll bet aroused) to find out that Sun has been planning this getaway for a while. ‘Do you want to be with me or not?’ Sun asks. Well, DUHHHH!!
Just as Sun is about to tell Jin something important (gee, I wonder what it could be?) there is a knock on the door. Jin hides in the bathroom while Sun answers to find Mercenary Dude. He’s the man Jin was supposed to give the $25,000 and watch to, but since they don’t have the money things get a bit complicated. Sun explains (through translator Patch) that she can get the money; let her go to the bank and get it and all will be flowers and sunshine. Mercenary Dude agrees but keeps Jin as collateral.
At the bank it’s explained to Sun that her account is no longer open. Her father had it closed and transferred all the money to one of his other accounts. Dim Sun wonders ‘why would my father do that?’ to which Patch replies ‘Well, gee, maybe you should consider what you’re doing that he doesn’t like’, only more suave and sophisticated like.
Mercenary Dude and his right hand man tie Jin up in a chair before right hand man goes to get Sayid. As he’s taping up Jin he explains that Papa Sun doesn’t appreciate Jin fooling around with his daughter. That twenty five grand was actually MD’s fee for killing Jin. He tells Jin ‘Some people just aren’t meant to be together’ which is what people tried to tell me about beer, but I fought on and was rewarded with a long, meaningful relationship. Sure I was 15 at the time, but you can’t hide from your heart.
As Jin is in the fridge, we hear his side of the Sayid massacre. Short haired Sayid hands Jin a box cutter for him to free himself, gives him a ‘good luck’ and takes off. A while later in comes Sun and Patch who find bodies littering a perfectly good kitchen. Patch finds Mercenary Dude still alive, asks who did this and gets an ungrateful ‘Behind you, idiot!’
Jin has a gun to Patch’s head, tells him to drop his gun but Patch calls his bluff and there is a shoot out. Jin shoots Patch right in the eye (told ya!) only to turn and find Sun has been shot by a stray bullet. As Jin carries her out, Sun tells him ‘I’m pregnant!’
Yup, called that one, too!
Before we get to the rest I need to get food. Bacon, egg and cheese on English muffin sounds about right. Be right back.
Ok, fueled up and ready to go.
Island World: We start by looking over Fake Locke’s hangout (would you call people scattered over the jungle a camp?) through night vision goggles. Fake Locke sits down with Jin to flesh out his story for this episode: His last name is on the wall and the only way everyone can leave the island is if everyone on that list leaves together. He also tells Jin that he’s working on getting Sun and him back together as soon as possible.
Fake Locke leaves, puts Sayid in charge which is like putting the wooden Indian in charge of the cigar store and tells him he’ll be back by sunrise. Jin, who has had quite enough of this, thank you very much, packs up, tells Sawyer he’s going to find Sun on his own and questions Sawyer’s loyalty to Fake Locke. Suddenly everyone gets darts in their necks or asses and they go down hard. Out walks Tina Fey and the cast of ’30 Rock’ to collect Jin and leave the others with crimped necks, bad backs and poor attitudes.
Let’s finish up Sun’s story first. She’s back weeding her garden that she started three years and one child ago when Jack approaches asking if she thinks Richard is coming back. ‘Don’t care,’ she answers. Jack says ‘Well there is a reason we were brought..’ and is interrupted with ‘Yeah, don’t care about that either. Just leave me alone.’
Jack leaves and is replaced by Fake Locke who offers his hand to Sun in an offer to reunite her to Jin. Sun does what everyone else should have done long ago and runs for it. Only she runs straight into a tree and knocks herself out. Well done!
Ben (of all people!) finds Sun unconscious and wakes her to find her babbling in Korean. She manages to get out that Locke did this to her, but she can no longer speak English. Like everything in this show, I’m sure there is a reason behind this. Let’s just be patient.
Just then Richard and Hurley reappear, brightening the spirits of Ilana and…well…just her. Alpert tells Jack to pack up, they’re leaving. He explains that the Ajira plane is the only way Fake Locke can get off the island so they’re going to destroy the plane. Sun, understandably, is ticked off and gives Richard a piece of her mind. While nobody can understand her, they get the idea.
Jack approaches her a bit later with a notebook and a pen. If she can’t speak English maybe she can still write. She can! That Jack is so smart! She explains what Fake Locke told her and that she doesn’t trust him. Jack asks her ‘Do you trust me?’ Strangely, she does and takes him up on his promise to get her and Jin together and off the island.
Quick sidenote: I was a bit uneasy with Jack offering his hand to Sun like Fake Locke just did. As if Jack isn’t exactly the ‘good guy’ he is pretending to be. I have a feeling his promise isn’t going to end well for anybody.
Meanwhile Fake Locke comes back to camp astounded that his entire cult is unconscious on the jungle floor. Can you imagine his thought process: ‘Man alive, I leave here for TWO MINUTES and look what happens!’ He recruits Sayid to take a trip to Hydra Island to see what exactly is going on. Sawyer asks why he doesn’t just go all smokey and ‘fly his ass over there’, which is a GREAT question. Fake Locke explains that if he could do that, don’t you think I would? Not that great an answer. Score one for Sawyer.
When they get to the island, Fake Locke is met by Widmore who tells Locke that he is vaguely aware of who he really is through ‘mythology and ghost stories’. Locke tells Widmore that a wise man once said there is a war coming and it looks like it just arrived. Damn, these two talk a good game.
During this time Jin has been kept in that brainwashing Room 23 until Tina Fey comes to taser him. He meets with Widmore who gives Jin Sun’s digital camera for him to review. On it he sees Sun for the first time in 3 years and his daughter for the first time ever. Widmore explains that if Fake Locke is to get off the island ‘everyone you love will cease to exist’ only in a cool British accent.
‘What do you want from me?’ Jin asks.
Widmore replies with ‘First, I think it’s time you see our package’ which could have been a homosexual come on, but actually refers to who (not what) was locked in the sub room.
And who is that person? Why it’s none other than Desmond Hume back – once again – in his own personal hell. Sayid witnesses Desmond’s arrival, by the way, because he’s spying for Fake Locke. Fake Locke, it seems, doesn’t like surprises.
What We Learned
- Desmond is ‘The Package’, which actually raises about 155 other questions. Typical…
- Mercenary Dude is a top notch multitasker. Jin in the freezer, Sun getting his money, interviewing Sayid in the kitchen. Sure things go south at that point, but you can see how he became good at his job.
- Sun and Jin are not married in the Real World, but still very much in love. Awwwww.
- Whoever owns the restaurant where Mercenary Dude was shot is going to be royally pissed when he shows up to clean.
- Never run while looking behind you.
- Per Fake Locke: ‘The only way to leave the island is if all the names on the cave wall leave together’. We could use a passenger manifest to follow.
- Claire can deal with Kate anyway she pleases once all the necessary passengers are on the plane. My money is on Kate.
- Also, Kate’s name isn’t on the cave wall ‘anymore’. It was, however, on Jacob’s Lighthouse wheel.
- For ruthless criminal types, Mercenary Dude and his crew are extremely polite and friendly.
- Sayid can’t feel anything. Pain, regret, hunger, ice cubes on his fillings, mosquitoes, nothing. Fake Locke tells him this might be a good thing ‘considering what’s coming’.
- Sun’s father is still a dick in the Real World.
- Jin doesn’t hide very well. Couldn’t even get behind the door, man? Give it some effort.
- Hurley couldn’t track anything that wasn’t covered in bacon grease. By that same token, Richard smells like bacon.
- Sun is pregnant with a bullet ridden fetus. Anyone else think Jack will be the one to save her? I’m raising my hand.
- Ben is still dealing with trust issues as everyone at the beach camp thinks he smashed Sun on the head.
- Widmore’s team has good aim with those darts, even if they were fired by a geo-physicist name Zoey (that would be Tina Fey). Yeah, I’m skeptical, too.
- Sawyer ‘ain’t listening to nobody’ which is actually a double negative and means he is listening to somebody.
- Sun’s got stubborn tomatoes.
- LAX customs basically saved Real World Jin from a premature death.
- Sun has an intense mirror moment just like Kate and Jack. For the record this makes three Real Worlders who have had intense moments like that. Jack on the plane and after a shower regarding his appendix scar, Kate just after finding the stuffed Orca in Claire’s bag, and now Sun. What do all three have in common? They are the three that trust Fake Locke the least. Probably means nothing, but wanted to point it out.
- Bumping into a tree can make you unable to speak English.
- Sun doesn’t care about Alpert or being a candidate or saving the world or her dead garden.
- Jack doesn’t brush sand off his hands before offering it in friendship.
- Zoey (Tina Fey) is a geophysicist, which I’m pretty sure is a made up profession. She also has interest in maps Jin created 30 years ago while working for the Dharma initiative.
- What exactly is Desmond doing back on the island? How is he Widmore’s secret weapon?
- Is there something special about Desmond? Remember Faraday telling everyone that Desmond was his ‘constant’ and he also mentioned Desmond being ‘different’ during their time flashes when he went to tell Desmond to contact his mother in the future. Man, this show sounds crazy when I put it in writing!
- Is Widmore aware that Desmond is special? Is that why he has been pushing Desmond towards the island all this time? The sailboat race, keeping him away from his daughter, now bringing him back. What is the purpose?
- Why does Fake Locke need all the candidates to leave the island with him? Once he’s off the island what difference does it make who is left behind?
- What the hell is going on with Sayid? Novocain for the soul? Is that part of the infection or is something else going on? Anyone else get the impression Fake Locke wasn’t even sure what to make of it?
- Did Sun’s father really need to send Jin all the way to LA to get killed? He couldn’t find someone closer to Korea to carry out the job? Make it look like a car accident or something? What kind of half assed mob boss is he?
- Why didn’t Widmore’s people just take all the candidates from Locke’s camp? Why only Jin? Hell why didn’t they take EVERYBODY then leave a video camera behind to tape Locke’s reaction? That would have been priceless.
- Why can’t Fake Locke turn into Smokey and fly to the other island? And why doesn’t he turn into Smokey instead of running after Sun? Is his ability to morph becoming restricted somehow? Remember Ilana said earlier that he can no longer change his appearance after becoming Locke. That he’s ‘stuck like that’.
- What happens to Jin’s $25,000? Do the officials split it? Do they invest in bonds? Does the government use it to buy fuel for tanks? Do they throw it on a bed and roll around in it?
- Also, why didn’t Fake Locke take Sun with him after she knocked herself out? Does he need permission in order for people to go with him?
- Where is Penny besides trying not to cheat on her boring husband in ‘FlashForward?’
- Did Widmore drug and kidnap his own son in law? Sure seems that way.
- What is Widmore’s timetable? He mentions it to Zoey when she brings Jin in before schedule. Come on, Richard, improvise.
- What did Fake Locke mean when he said Kate’s name is not on the cave wall ‘anymore’? Was it on there once and has since been removed? Did he simply erase it? Cross it out? Were there second thoughts about her being a candidate? Did a rain storm accidentally wash it away?
- What does Widmore mean when he tells Jin everything will ‘cease to exist’? Does the world end if Fake Locke gets off the island?
- Has Real World Sun not had an affair with her English teacher? Does she know English at all?
- What happened in Real World that Jin and Sun wind up unmarried?
- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???!!!!!
Quiz answer: Sawyer calls Hurley 'Lardo' when he attempts to mediate a fight between Sayid and Sawyer in the pilot episode.
Today's distraction: 25 rare celebrity pictures. If you doubted the JFK - Marilyn Monroe affair, this should put those to rest.