Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Count The Ways

Five reasons I want the Celtics to beat the Lakers tonight.

1: Celtics have one of the best logos in all of sport. Just look at the adorable little guy up there. I’ve often considered getting that as a tattoo if I wasn’t ninety percent certain the dude would screw it up and make it look like a dwarf with down syndrome instead.

2: I fucking HATE Kobe Bryant. It’s a rather irrational, inexplicably passionate adverse reaction to everything he does. I hate the way he scowls at his team mates, I hate the way he talks and acts like Jordan even though he won’t acknowledge Jordan had any influence on him, I hate that he attempted to throw Shaq under the bus while being interrogated by police, I hate how he basically paid a fine for raping a girl (allegedly – insert eye roll here), I hate how he acts like he’s been fouled even when he dribbles the ball off his foot or someone makes a clean steal on him, I hate how the refs never T him up when he screams and yells at them, I hate how his anti social personality has suddenly been accepted as his ‘will to win’ and not that he’s simply a flaming asshole, I hate how he changed his number for no reason I can think of other than making more money on licensing, I hate how he outright quit on his team in a series clinching loss to the Suns a few years ago, I hate that Laker fans conveniently block that out.

I hate Kobe Bryant and everything he represents.

During game five there was a key moment that will summarize everything I despise about him. Celtics were struggling offensively in the fourth quarter when they had to launch a buzzer beating shot. It missed, but Rondo jumped up and tipped in the ball much to the delight of me and Boston fans everywhere.

Kobe – as is his nature – gave one of his perfected ‘are you guys fucking kidding me’ shrug/scowls to guys on both sides of him. What Kobe either can’t understand or refuses to accept is that ball was his. It came closest to him and he didn’t even leave his feet. This doesn’t even take into account that Rondo was HIS MAN! He was responsible for boxing Rondo out and failed to do so. Yet, in Kobe’s mind this was his team mate’s fault for not rebounding properly.

Let me ask you this: Have you ever seen Kobe make that ‘My bad, sorry’ motion on the court? Like ever? Players do it all the time. I’ve seen LeBron do it. ‘Sorry, that botched play was my fault.’ With Kobe it’s always someone else’s fault.

I should mention that this doesn’t mean I’m not absolutely terrified of him as a player. I actually respect him more than ever. He’s making hustle plays he never used to before (stealing the rebound from Garnett, passing to Bynum underneath the basket as he’s falling out of bounds was brilliant) and making RI-FUCKING-DICULOUS shots all over the court.

As a player I can appreciate him. As a person I would never want to be in the same room with him. Often that person shows up on the court.

3: I hate the Lakers and take great pleasure in knowing Laker fans cringe at green and white colors. I watched Byron Scott analyzing the series and he admitted that to this day he can’t buy any green clothing. ‘Not even green in any of my ties,’ he said. I enjoy that and want the Celtics green to invoke more trauma to a new generation of Laker fans.

4: I want to take my boys to a legitimate parade. They’ve been too young previously, but this would be a perfect age for them to enjoy the celebration. I’ll even take them out of school.

5: The window is closing. It’s painfully obvious Garnett and Pierce are not the same players. The mileage is piling up quickly and new tires won’t repair the damage. I can’t envision this team making another run with the big three turning into the calcified trio before our eyes. This is most likely the last hurrah for all of them.

Besides, does Ron Artest really deserve a ring?

Random Predictions

- Triple double for Rondo.

- The referees will do everything in their power to get this series to a game seven.
- Garnett and Pierce have sub par games. Old legs, long flight, only one day off. No way they play with the same energy they had in Boston.

- Big game for Gasol.

- Bynum is ineffective and plays limited minutes.

- Artest gets tossed.

- Ray Allen finally hits a three point shot.

- Rasheed Wallace does not. Quick sidenote about Rasheed that nobody is mentioning: He is playing spectacular defense. He’s blocking shots, harassing the post up players, confusing Gasol by moving away as he’s trying to body him up, AND he’s been the best rebounder when he’s in there. In short, Rasheed is doing all the little things to help the Celtics win. I’m amazed. If he’d just stop launching three pointers at the worst possible time we could be friends.

- I will be very tired tomorrow morning. Fuckin’ west coast.

Today’s distraction: Welcome to my new addiction: Tiles of the Unexpected. Say goodbye to your afternoon.


Rob said...

The only good thing I can say about last night's game is that I could go to bed at a decent hour. Down 22 at half made it pretty easy to head to bed.

Also, your comment about 'Sheed stepping back when Gasol is using him for leverage is spot on. Last night Van Gundy even called it "pulling the chair out from under him" when Gasol ended up on his ass.

BeachBum said...

Hopefully they decide to show up and hit some layups tonight.

It's going to be tough to win a game seven on the road without Perkins. It can be done, but it will take a nearly perfect effort.

Does anyone who's seen this Celtics team really think they're capable of a perfect effort?

Rob said...

Yes, they can have a perfect effort, but the bench really has to play well. Believe it or not, I think Tony Allen is a key element to a win. If he can play at least 15-20 minutes of great defense on Kobe and, for God's sake, finish a f'in basket, that'll help our cause A LOT.

The other is Rondo. He really needs to take better shots. Or, if he sees the shot clock at 9 seconds or less, pass the ball to a true shooter. I think he holds it too long and then takes bad shots way too often.

OK, one more. Can Paul Pierce please not get two or three of his passes stolen tonight? Some better passing decisions please?

I'm worried about the game, but not defeatist. I predict a Celtics win. 97 to 94.

BeachBum said...

Believe it or not, my biggest concern is the refs for tonight's game. If they call the BS they called in games 3 and 6, the Celtics don't stand a chance.

If they call it fair and don't let Kobe and Artest get away with assault it's going to be a very close game. One bounce of the ball one way or the other will be the difference.