Monday, July 19, 2010

Mental Assortment

Some left over thoughts from the past few weeks.

- Since you’ve probably all been waiting for my take on the LeBron thing I will give you my point of view from a variety of perspectives.

NBA Fan: Pissed and disappointed. The most talented and unique player of our lifetime abandoned his hometown (more on this in a second) and basically admitted he doesn’t have the competitive drive to compete against the best players from other teams. In more than one way, he quit.

LeBron Fan: I always thought LeBron was a fairly intelligent, well spoken player who knew his place in history and his own potential. He also seemed to be painfully aware of what it’s like to be a Cleveland fan. Following his After School Special titled ‘Why Humility Is a Good Thing’ that image is gone forever. He’s just another ignorant, self absorbed athlete. But at least he had boys and girls sitting in the background, shifting uncomfortably as Cleveland burned. That was fun.

ESPN: I get that this was a scoop everyone wanted, but the aftermath was just as big a disaster with Michael Wilbon (someone I normally enjoy) starting off what I thought would be a tougher interview with ‘First, congratulations on making your decision’. Yes, well done on making up your fucking mind, even if that decision left your town and team in ruins. Lost opportunity, ESPN.

Celtics Fan: I’ll admit, when I heard Paul Pierce opted out of his contract I had this thought progression: Huh, with Pierce and Ray Allen’s contracts off the books, the Celtics could offer LeBron over 30 million a year. Lebron, a one legged Garnett, and Rondo? Maybe Ray Allen would take a cut to stick around for a bit. Yeah, I would enjoy watching those guys play.

Instead I have to watch LeBron and Wade come into town and (probably) kick our asses twice a year. Good times!

Quick note: Why everyone is so googly eyes over Chris Bosh is beyond me. I’ve seen him play many times and have never been impressed. He’s a power forward with no power. Yeah, he gets rebounds and can shoot fairly well, but he’s been playing on a team with nobody else and I have yet to see him even attempt to play defense. Maybe getting better team mates will bring out his best, but I’m betting he’s cashing in his checks and hoping to be pulled along by the other two.

Cleveland Fans: Look, I get that you think LeBron stabbed you in the back of the head with an ice pick, but it’s tough to argue that he was even a Cleveland sports fan. Hell, he even admitted to loving the Yankees and wore his NY cap when they came to play the Indians. Sure, he kept saying all the right things while he was there, but actions speak louder than words and we all know he feels no obligation or loyalty to Ohio.

Besides, you can cry and bitch all you want but deep down every single one of you would bolt for Miami if you got the chance. Cleveland or Miami? Is it really even a choice?

Vegas: Can we please get odds on how soon one of the new Miami hundred millionaires gets nabbed on a DUI charge? February? March? I’d bet on one of the winter months.

- Watched the Home Run Derby with my ten year old last week. We were listening to A-Rod babble on about his man crush on Nick Swisher when one of the announcing trio congratulated A-Rod on passing somebody or other on the home run list. My ten year old turns to me and asks ‘Didn’t A-Rod use steroids?’ ‘Yep, he did, but I guess everyone is just pretending none of that happened.’ Fittingly, David Ortiz won.

- When we were in the Cayman Islands we rented a Suzuki something or other for a couple of days. The thing was supposedly brand new, but was a piece of shit. The AC leaked INTO the car, soaking both front floor mats while barely keeping us cool.

It was also a British car. Everything was opposite. Since CIs are a British colony, they drive on the other side of the road. Surprisingly, that wasn’t too difficult a transition. The car was, though. I kept going to the wrong side to get in, the gear shift was on my left, I kept turning on the windshield wipers when I meant to use a turn signal, reaching the wrong way to grab the seatbelt. Ever sit in one of those desks designed for left handed students? It was like that. Only you’re driving 50 KPH (yeah, kilometers) in a half ton hunk of steel.

- Went on a booze cruise Friday night and have several observations and conclusions to pass along:

1: I’m fucking old.

2: Most of the young ladies have very little self awareness when it comes to their bodies. Size 14 bodies stuffed into size 10 dresses and leaving very little to the imagination. Normally, I would be perfectly happy with this, but please note the sizes I’m talking about. Not left to the imagination were the rolls of fat. No thank you.

Ironically, the good looking women were dressed very simply. Jeans and a top and they were still looking fine. Keep it simple, ladies. And covere if it should be covered. Please.

3: I can’t figure out if the younger generation goes out to actually have a good time or to prove to everyone on Facebook they have a social life. People spent more time taking pictures of themselves and their friends than they did socializing and having fun.

4: My faith in the younger female generation was restored when a group of six young guys with creative (read: queer) facial hair and highly gelled 'dos – I quickly dubbed them Team Douchebag – spent the night prowling around the boat. Every single one of them left alone. They kept trying, but were rebuffed with extreme prejudice by everyone with a vagina. It was glorious to behold.

5: I may be old, but I can still out drink most of the newbies out there. One dude actually puked into a trash barrel, straightened up and proceeded to cut into every female dance crew he could find. I’ll give him credit for not letting it slow him down, but would not want to be him the next morning.

- Mondays suck.

- BP finally stopped the oil leak and we’re all supposed to be happy about this? How fucking long did it take? 90 days? Longer? Fuck you, BP. I hope this ruins your company.

- I got back from the gym on Saturday, had some lunch before heading upstairs to shower. It was at least 90 and I was looking forward to some relief. Unfortunately, I went to turn the shower on and got nothing but a trickle of scorching hot water. I checked the other taps to make sure our cold water was working and everything was fine.

Well, fuck me. I took apart the faucet to see if something was going on and found that there were rubber washers that were broken. Only I couldn’t figure out how to get them out. I had the manual and tried everything it suggested, but things weren’t coming apart as they should.

I managed to get the shower working for approximately 1.2 minutes before water started shooting out in every direction. I mean fucking everywhere. Did I mention it was scalding hot?

I run downstairs and shut off the main water to the house, but the damage has been done. Water is cascading down the walls of our newly remodeled kitchen, running through the new light fixture and dripping down from the ceiling. I mentioned this is all new, right?

Since it’s Saturday, I have to call the emergency line of our plumber. He calls and tries to walk me through a few things, but it’s no use. I do manage to get the water to stop leaking through the ceiling but now the upstairs shower won’t shut off. I look at wifey and say ‘Feel like going to the beach tomorrow?’ We spent the day in Maine, showered there and I had to get ready for work at the gym.

Houses suck sometimes.

- In the midst of my cursing (the boys learned some new words), my oldest comes up and says ‘Dad? What’s this?’ He has his shirt up and red blotches are all over his chest and stomach.

Why that would be poison ivy, my boy! And it looks like there is some around your eyes, too. Let’s go to the doctors. Yes, right now!

He’s now on steroids and convinced he’ll hit a home run in his next game. I’m not telling him differently.

Today’s distraction: Boston is in the midst of setting up free Wi-Fi for the entire region. You can get signals up near the State House and City Hall, but today they unveil it on the Rose Kennedy Greenway, which is a beautiful new string of parks and eating places that has been put where the old, elevated expressway used to be. Boston really is turning into a beautiful city. It’s nearly unrecognizable from 10 years ago.


Clayton Bigsby said...

It's so ridiculous to me how many people puke when they drink. Geez, if 10 beers makes you puke only have 9. If you're over 22 and you are puking from alcohol you are doing it all wrong.

I have to admit though, sometimes when I'm up early and working after a boozy night I pull the trigger myself. It makes the hangover and working less painful.

Rob said...

I was at a wedding in NY on Sunday night and had about 10 beers during the reception. Around 3:00 a.m. I woke up with a splitting headache and tried to ignore it unsuccessfully until about 3:45, when I forced myself to get up and puke in the hotel bathroom. I was asleep like a baby by 4:00. The worders of vomit.