Monday, August 30, 2010

Weekend Update

A few tidbits from the weekend.

- Fantasy draft went fairly well considering our commissioner quit less than 24 hours before we were supposed to meet and another guy simply didn’t show up. The commish quitting set off a frenzy of ‘do you know a guy?’ phone calls and texts and one ‘Fuck this. I’m out, too!’ from another organizer. Bunch of fucking pussies in this league apparently.

Anyway, the commish changed his mind less than 3 hours later and we drafted for the dildo that didn’t show. His team looks comical and includes Jake Delhomme, two kickers and Buffalo’s defense. In other words, fuck him.

- Not that you care, but I have nothing else to write about and need to fill space, here’s what my team wound up looking like.

RBs: Adrian Peterson, Jamaal Charles, Jonathan Stewart, Thomas Jones, and Clinton Portis

QBs: Tony Romo, Kyle Orton

WRs: Miles Austin, Donald Driver, Pierre Garcon, Julian Edelman, Naanee from Chargers who I hope is breaking out this year.

TE: Chris Cooley

Eagles Defense and a kicker to be named later.

- We held our draft at some small, dingy, ratty looking hole in the wall where one of the crew was a member. Beers were two bucks a pop, you were still allowed to smoke indoors and everyone smelled like shit walking out the door. Say what you will about these non smoking laws, but it’s nice to not have to shower four times and burn the clothes you wore in order to get the stench of stale cigarettes off you.

- Since they had pool tables, we formed teams after the draft. One of the guys insisted – nay, DEMANDED – we play for money. ‘C’mon! Five bucks a game,’ he whined. Fine. We agreed and my teammate and I won five games in a row. After the last game, betting man quit in a huff and went to shoot darts by himself. Big baby. Still, I’m glad he pushed it, because I had more money with which to buy beer. Score!

- During the draft, we asked the bartender to keep the jukebox off so we could hear each other. At the time there was nobody else there and the music was loud. Halfway through the draft some haggard looking fat dude approaches our table and asks ‘Can we really not play any music? As a group we responded ‘Nah, man, feel free.’

He staggers over to the jukebox and picks an ancient Paul Simon song. Not even a good one. Well, we were all over him. Yelling across the room ‘Holy shit, this is what you wanted to play?!’ and ‘We changed our minds. Turn it off!’ He took it in good cheer, but no other song was played until we were finished. Sometimes ridicule is the best medicine.

- Before I forget, that same commissioner douche that wanted to quit less than a day before the draft also possesses my trophy from last year. The thing is at least three feet tall and has brass plates so each year’s champion can be etched as we hand it around. He was supposed to get my team name etched on it and hand it over before the draft. Did he show up with it? Or course not! Considering I see him once a year, I’m not expecting it any time soon.

- The boys and I took a cruise on my brother in law’s boat yesterday. A spectacular day through Boston harbor and out to some of the surrounding islands. I must admit that if I could afford it I would have a boat in a heartbeat.

After stopping at one of the islands to swim and have some lunch, we headed a ways out to do some fishing. Guess what? Nothing. Well, not entirely nothing. We did catch one, large, very unhappy blue fish that we released as soon as we could. The thing was like a rabid dog; snapping at our fingers every time we attempted to unhook it.

Other than that monstrosity, there was nothing else. I heard from another friend that his fishing charter also came back empty. An entire boat and not one guy caught a fish. What the hell?

This is one fishless summer so far.

- I have not cut my hair in nearly two months. I realized this yesterday when my hair was coming down to my eyes after swimming. My hair doesn’t really get long, though. It just bushes out like a half assed afro. Short hair, here I come.

- I witnessed an unusual phenomenon over the weekend. I watched a movie that was better than the book. I know! It almost never happens. The movie in question was ‘Girl With The Dragon Tattoo’. I read the book last winter and found it very difficult to get into. Lots of who’s who and past relationships and background before getting to the actual plot of the story.

The movie dispenses with a ton of that bullshit and gets right to it. The movie is streamlined and efficient where the book is ponderously descriptive and complex. I know a lot of people who have read the book and everyone seems to like it, but I didn’t think it was anything special.

- Stephen King’s new one is fantastic, though. It’s called ‘Under the Dome’, runs over 1000 pages and, so far, hasn’t wasted one of them. Usually his are 200 pages longer than they need to be (‘Needful Things’ and ‘It’ the two biggest offenders), but this one is quick and vicious. I’ve read nearly 700 pages in less than a week. Considering my mouth still moves when I read, that’s no small feat.

- My busy summer doesn’t let up this coming weekend, either. We’re heading to Vermont to visit my brother in law’s new house. No idea where this is or how long it will take us to get there, but there better be lots of beer waiting for me when I arrive.

Or else!

Today’s distraction: 40 unwritten rules to live by. I totally disagree with number 19, by the way. You can save a fortune bringing your lunch to work.


Anonymous said...

We expanded our league to twelve guys this year so my team is not a star studded as normal. I did get your boy Brady and the top WR (Andre Johnson).


BeachBum said...

I wound up with the number 2 pick which I used on Peterson, but once Andre Johnson was picked (number 7!) the wide receivers went like wild fire. By the time it got back to me the only decent receivers were Miles Austin and Larry Fitzgerald.


Brady and Johnson will rack up some major points for you, though.

Jum said...

Damn I'd love to play in a 10-team league, just be stacked.

I've been wondering about King's new book, I believe I'll check it out now. Sometimes those 1,000 pagers scare me.

BeachBum said...

This new one starts right off and doesn't let up. You'll enjoy it.

Well, the problem with 10 man leagues is everyone's team is stacked. Until the injuries start piling up which why backups are huge.