Friday, September 10, 2010

I've Got Your Refund Right Here

Yeah, I know.  Didn't make it a full week with my promise to post every day.  As seems to be the trend lately, it was other people's stupidity that ruined my streak. 

Just so everyone knows, I'm the IT guy for my company.  As everyone probably also knows, imbeciles around the globe got an email yesterday from someone they never heard of with a link to something they weren't expecting yet still decided to click on said link and infect their computers with a raging virus. 

This virus then went through every single contact in their address book and repeatedly sent out the same infected email to any and all email addresses it could find.  Since stupid people attract other stupid people, the odds were good that some of their friends clicked on the same link and infected their computers which then sent out even more emails.  I'm terrible at math but even I know that's a lot of emails flying around. 

Fortunately for the people I work with, I'm awesome.  As soon as I got my first infected email I sent out an alert telling everyone in my area not to click on the link within the email.  It was literally seconds before I got four emails back that said 'Oh, too late'.   Too late?  It took me less than 10 seconds to send the alert out.  It had a big red exclamation point on it and everything. 

From 10 am forward I was running from idiot to idiot trying to shut down the virus before it brought down our mail servers then attempted to clean the stench of moron from the office. 

If I sound condescending towards the people that opened the email it's because I can't understand the thought process behind it.  This is 2010 and people have been using email for years.  This isn't a new twist to their work life. 

Picture this:  An email comes in from someone you have never heard of.  You open it and read something like 'Here are the documents you requested'.  Strange, I wasn't expecting any documents.  Well, I'm important therefore this email and included documents must also be important, right?  I mean it was emailed and everyone knows anything of any importance comes in an email.  

Sure, let's just go with that ludicrous from of logic. 

But wait, there are no actual documents attached to this email.  Instead there is a link.  Man, I've never had anyone send me documents as a link before.  Well, once, but I couldn't figure out how to work it so I just forwarded it to my IT guy and had him figure it out.  Sucker. 

Anyway, this must be some new fangled technology they're using.  Let's see how this works.

The sound of the mouse clicking on that link was also the sound of my day flushing down the shitter. 

Two of these dolts thought it was hilarious they became infected.  One said - while laughing - 'I did the same thing last week on my home computer and had to hire someone to come clean it off'.  That's comforting.  You're not a dim wit or distracted employee who made a mistake; you're fucking retarded.  Thanks for stopping by the rest of society.  Move along now. 

I left work after seven, my crankiness made worse by the already setting sun (bye, summer) and the realization that I locked my keys in my office upon leaving. 

Which just means I'm stupid, too.  At least I fit right in around here. 

Today's distraction:  Football is back!!  Not that lame ass college, 'we VOTE for our champion' league, either.  Real football.  Since we're all friends, here is my secret weapon for my fantasy league.  You didn't get it from me. 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

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BeachBum said...

Assuming the above language is Russian, I took the liberty of translating it for all my loyal readers:

"Meters seventy it took out of the glow, as if they arrived sufficiently soon it went… From the area reached the sound of prolonged turn, unusually loud and simultaneously deaf, heavy. By what [byvalye] halfway between the pit and the birch grove it is confident” - these are a good expression, handfull. Thus far force rested on the halt; but which sometimes succeeded by them by arrow or by dart by view."

Frankly, it makes even less sense in English.

Anonymous said...

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