Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Week 7 Postmortem

Apparently I have angered the forces of fantasy football. I’m not sure what I’ve done but I’m prepared to make blood sacrifices (my psycho dog immediately springs to mind as a viable option) or atone in any manner deemed appropriate.

For whatever I’ve done, fantasy football, I am truly sorry.

Or maybe I just used up all my mojo with last year’s improbable run to the crown. Whatever the reason, I’ve been scoring in bunches, still losing, and now I’ve lost my starting QB (Romo) for the season.

Therefore, I am starting fresh. My season starts now. I can still put together a winning streak. I am thinking positive despite my last place standing (yet, third place scoring). Thanks to parity, I’m only 5 games out of the lead. I can do this.

Things have to turn around, right?


I should have known better than to hitch my wagon to the cursed Dallas Cowboy train, anyway. The normally sure handed Miles Austin was dropping passes last night like his daughter was being held hostage by bookies. Romo has been decent fantasy wise, but terrible NFL wise and now he’s paid the ultimate price for a shaky offensive line.

It all ends now. Want to know who I’m hooking my fates with now? You’ll never guess (mainly because it’s slightly insane): Buffalo. I just picked up Ryan Fitzpatrick and have had Steve Johnson on my bench since week 3. Coach (that would be me) is putting both in. I now live and die by the Buffalo Bills’ offense.

Holy shit, I need a drink.

On to the games.

- Is there a less impressive 5 – 2 team than the Giants? One week their defense looks historically good (Chicago), the next they get run all over. One week their offense looks terrible. The next they rack up 41 points. What gives? Does it depend on whether Tom Coughlin took a healthy shit that week?

- Ironically, the best thing that could have happened to Wade Phillips was losing Romo for a bunch of time. Now both he and Jerry Jones can point to that as an excuse for his abysmal coaching performance. He should have been gone weeks ago.

- The single most entertaining game of the week was – shockingly – Buffalo at Baltimore. Watching RedZone it seemed they were going to that game every ten minutes. Just non stop, back and forth offense. Who knew Fitzpatrick had this in him. Take note, too, that Buffalo may have exposed this Ravens defense. They looked bewildered and on their heels all afternoon. Shell shocked would be an appropriate term.

- How many people lost their suicide pools when Cleveland beat the Saints in New Orleans? 85%. 90%??

- Do you think Bear fans are still happy with the Orton for Cutler trade? Four more interceptions on Sunday for Super Jay. If I had enough moves I would just keep picking up whatever defense was playing Chicago throughout the season.

- By the way, the Redskins and Bears both have 4 – 3 records and both looked terrible on Sunday.

- Statement game of the week: Titans 37 – Eagles 19. That statement was ‘You’re not ready’ to Philly. The sub statement B was to Kevin Kolb: ‘We’re not convinced’.

- I know this is Kansas City and all, but I love watching that team play. No, I can’t believe I’m writing that either. Every offensive play of theirs I’m on the edge of my seat. ‘Is Charles going to break this one? Will Jones? Maybe Cassel with throw a bomb to McCluster or Bowe!!!’ I supposed I should be ashamed to admit this, but that team gets me downright giddy.

- Todd Haley – Coach of the Year. Oh yeah. I went there.

- I should point out that next week Buffalo plays at Kansas City. As much as I love Red Zone, I may watch that entire game for the pure entertainment value.

- Did anyone else understand that convoluted and confused ruling on Big Ben’s fumble at the goal line? It certainly seemed that the refs could have simply walked onto the field and said ‘I dunno!’, shrugged their shoulders and walked off. Would have made just as much sense.

- This now makes two teams who have been robbed of wins by stupid calls this season. Miami on Sunday and Detroit in week one. I thought replay was supposed to stop this bullshit?

- After losing to Carolina, can we put to rest that this 49er team is supposed to be good? Can’t we all admit that they were wildly over rated?

- Fantasy story that doesn’t involve me whining: My buddy has Kenny Britt on his team and decided to bench him in place of Beanie Wells (see, someone like this should be in last place). After watching Britt pull in three TDs my other friend and I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon ragging on him. Things like ‘Wow, Roddy White had a great game. Almost Kenny Britt numbers!’ We laughed and laughed.

- I would also like to point out that this same friend has the distinction of benching Tom Brady for the Titans game last season. You know the one where Brady threw for six touchdowns? Yeah that one. It was made worse by the fact that he attended that same game in Foxboro and couldn’t enjoy it once Brady kept throwing TD after TD. This now makes two straight seasons he’s benched an historic performance. Well done.

- If you want a reason to play fantasy, you need to consider the trash talking to be done. The friend above complained about something on the league web page. I replied with ‘Dude, only you could complain when you’ve wrapped up your week with a win already and lead the league in scoring this week.’

His reply ‘I don’t lead the league this week’
Mine: ‘I was talking about the players on your bench’

- In case you missed it, Tampa Bay defeated St Louis in the least exciting one point NFL game of all time.

- That Max Hall experiment didn’t last too long in Arizona. You think the Cardinal fans are pining for the Matt Leinert days?

- Considering what Adrian Peterson has done this year, perhaps my fantasy offense was seriously considering selecting Ray Rice with the second pick in our draft. Did Peterson sense that and is exacting vengeance on my team for my doubting him? If so, I sincerely apologize to you, Mr Peterson. I will never doubt you again.

Favre, yes, but never you. In fact, Farve is responsible for ruining what should be an MVP season for you. I think you know this since you just ‘accidentally’ stomped on his ankle breaking it in two places. Get the old man out of the way and do your thing. I am fully behind you all the way.

Stat of the Week: Oakland’s first half possessions went thusly: Touchdown, Touchdown, Field Goal, Touchdown, Punt, Touchdown, Punt. That doesn’t include an interception return for a touchdown that came exactly eight seconds after their first.

Today’s distraction: Seriously, America. What the fuck?

Monday, October 25, 2010

Death Ride

I was on the road for work for the first time in over two years. If you want a sign the economy is starting to turn around, look no further. Over time, flights, meals, all paid for by a company that has been running lean since late 2008.

And, since I didn’t have time to post anything, let’s do some catching up. I’ll get to the NFL tomorrow.

- I found out at the last minute (Monday) that I was needed in DC on Wednesday. I book the hotel no problem and go to check flights. Round trip from Logan to Reagan on American or Delta is $999 before tax. A grand to fly 90 minutes!

Even if I’m not paying for it, I will not pay over a thousand dollars for such things out of principle. The principle of me being a cheap ass the main one. I check flights going to Dulles instead and find a JetBlue round trip for less than $350. Done and done.

Even better, when I check in on the JetBlue flight they give you the option of selecting an ‘Even More Legroom’ seat for an extra fifteen bucks. Seems that selective section is a different way of JetBlue describing First Class. My seat was enormous, I got to board first (even before the elderly and children), and there was enough space for my long legs that the smoking hot flight attendant could have knelt down in front of me and…

…uh…let’s just move on.

- Speaking of JetBlue hotties, while waiting to board in Boston I noticed a strong resemblance between their employees. A majority were female, in their mid to late 20s, brunette and very good looking. I’m not complaining, mind you, just thought it interesting (and lovely) they all looked similar.

This, of course, set off a chain of thoughts in my strangely wired brain that led me to wonder if people are less likely to complain to beautiful women than other people. Someone run a study!

- I highly recommend JetBlue, by the way.

- If you haven’t traveled the highways around the DC area you really haven’t seen our stimulus dollars at work. There is friggin’ construction EVERYWHERE. Routes 495, 95, 86, 666, etc (I may have made some of those numbers up). No matter where you’re driving, there will be construction causing problems. Now, granted, I don’t know if all of this is stimulus related, but there are certainly enough jobs down there to go around twice.

- Hold on while I take a break for lunch. Be back in an hour.

- Alright. Fed and happy and – frankly – a touch sleepy. Could use a nap, but I will power on.

- My coworker drove me around in her tiny Toyota Matrix the few days I was down there and I have never been with such a terrible driver in all my life. I was terrified for my life much of the time. She was constantly distracted, often attempting to read emails on her Blackberry (before I took it from her and refused to give it back) or rummaging around in her enormous purse for sunglasses or driving up on another driver at 80 miles an hour before slamming the brakes on at the last minute.

In short she is a hazard to everyone around her. She was driving me to Dulles Airport on Friday when she suddenly and inexplicably slammed the brakes; throwing her arm across my chest in some bizarre attempt to save my life. We went from 70 to 50 in twenty feet. When I asked ‘What the fuck was that?’ she answered…

You know what, let’s see if you can guess why she did this. Keep in mind we were on the highway with many other drivers around us.

Was her answer:

A: ‘I saw the brake lights of the other cars coming on’
B: ‘The sun got in my eyes’
C: ‘I thought that construction truck was coming into our lane’
D: ‘I just noticed that flashing arrow’
E: ‘I thought a squirrel was running across the road’

Congratulations if you chose D. You know those construction arrows that warn drivers that a lane shift is coming up or ‘Hey, there is an enormous concrete barrier right here so go around it’? It was one of those. Only we had been passing them on a regular basis for miles. And it wasn’t like we were in the passing lane. We were in the middle lane with the flashing arrows way to the left.

If you’re wondering why she was suddenly alarmed by one of these after passing 20 others, well….sorry…I have no answer. I can say I was very happy to be out of that car.

-  I was also lucky enough to be in her car when she received a personal call from one of her neighbors.  The call was about how their condo association was having a meeting and one of the items to be discussed was dog owners picking up after their own dogs.  You would have thought someone broke into their homes.  'Fucks' and 'Bullshits' were flying back and forth (this was on speaker phone so I could hear both sides) while they debated who had betrayed them.  That's right.  'Betrayed' was the word they used. 

This went on for forty five fucking minutes.  With me gritting my teeth in the passenger seat debating the merits of throwing myself into rush hour highway traffic.  When the call was finally ended I couldn't help myself: 'You realize you just spent forty five minutes discussing dog shit, right?'

'It's not just that: we have designated areas the dogs use in our condo area and they have people come in and clean up for us.'

I reply 'Oh, I get it.  You have a dog and a neat service provided for you.  Now that service is probably being taken away and you'll have to do what every other dog owner all over the country needs to do only you and your friend are too spoiled to see how reasonable that sounds.'

She attempts to reply but I stop her and say 'I have my own house.  My dog shits in the back yard and I still need to pick it up.  Why should every other condo owner pitch in to clean up after your dog?'

She didn't speak to me the rest of the ride which was glorious. 

- I fell asleep twice in two nights watching the Giants and Phillies play. Not sure if that says more about the quality of play or my old manhood.

- The hotel I stayed at had a great looking gym on the eight floor which you needed your room key to enter. Strangely the gym also had designated hours - in this case 6 am to midnight. But if you need your room key to get in there, why couldn’t you use it anytime you wanted? What happened between midnight and six in the morning that we couldn’t witness?

- As much as I enjoy staying at the various Marriot hotels, why do they have to provide such soft pillows? I prefer mine to be a bit firm. The Marriot ones are so plush your entire head will disappear into it. Not to my liking at all.

- Got to see the President’s helicopter fly directly over my taxi on the way into DC on Wednesday. Only when I told my coworkers, one said ‘Well, that could be one of the three they send out as decoys’ and the coolness quotient went down to nothing.

- File this under ‘chip off the old block’: Told my ten year old that I was in an office right across the street from The White House. He asked me to take a picture and send it to him. Work got in the way, things got busy and I totally forgot. When I called the next night he immediately asked if I got a picture. ‘No, sorry, buddy. I forgot to.’ He answers, ‘That’s ok. I know what it looks like’. Love that kid.

- Lunch recommendation if you have an Au Bon Pain near you. Try the chicken salad sandwich with the grapes and almonds in it.

- If you haven’t seen ‘The Ghost Writer’ yet, do yourself a favor and check it out. One of those intelligent films that flows so effortlessly it makes all other movies seem clunky. Unforgettable ending, as well.

- Scary movies lined up for the week of Halloween: Legion, Paranormal Activity, and Jennifer’s Body.

- Just had to take a bathroom break. During our six hour NFL marathon yesterday I ate the following: chili, spicy sausage bread, jalapeno crab cakes, and buffalo wings. Today I’m like a dragon in reverse. Or a dragon ass. I’m dragon ass!!

And, on that note, let’s wrap this up. I need Miles Austin and Tony Romo to have a standard game if I’m to pull a win out of my ass this week in fantasy. I had another player openly question the odds of my team being 1 – 5 while having so many points, so at least my futility and frustration is being recognized by others.

Today’s distraction: 10 kid actors who didn’t flush their careers down the toilet. I would argue that Drew Barrymore had more than her share of problems, but she is still wildly (if inexplicably) successful.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Week 6 Postmortem

Just when you think the 2010 NFL season can’t get any stranger…

Oh, I’m not talking about Seattle beating Chicago on the road. 

Or Kansas City running rampant over a (supposedly) stout Houston defense before falling apart. 

Or the Dolphins making a case that Green Bay should never have been considered a Super Bowl favorite at all. 

Or Detroit giving the Giants all they could handle despite losing their top two quarterbacks. 

Or Philly laying the smackdown on Atlanta. 

No, I’m referring to Junior Seau driving his fucking car off a cliff after being arrested for domestic violence.  Apparently, like Seau’s career, he gave it his all yet still couldn’t complete what he started.  Despite driving off what looks to be a serious ledge, he only received some cuts and bruises.  Did he forget to unbuckle his seat belt?  Did the airbags save him? 

Make sure you click on the link to the picture.  Would love to know if he hit the edge of that thing at full speed or whether this is just some lame cry for help.

On the bright side, now steroid opponents have more ammo for their next public service announcement.  ‘Look, kids!  Prolonged steroid use makes you go crazy!’

Before we get to the games I should point out that I actually went to a bar that was showing every single game on a variety of televisions around the bar.  Buddy of mine and I got there right at noon, had our pick of seats, and proceeded to drink lots of food and eat lots of beer.  Or something. 

I will say that having different games on was very confusing.  So much so that I lost track of what was going on with the Patriots – Ravens game because I was so absorbed with the Chiefs – Texans game (which was much more entertaining).  The entire bar would cheer and I would have to figure out what just happened. 

As long as I had fun!

-  I was completely absorbed by the KC – Houston game.  The Chiefs man handled the Texans for three quarters before Houston seemed to look at each other and say ‘What the fuck?  This is Kansas City!  What are we doing?’ and turned on the offense.  If Andre Johnson is hurt, he didn’t show it in the fourth quarter.  Although, Chiefs, how can you leave him alone like that in the end zone? 

-  The Cowboys are just atrocious.  Not talent wise or strategy wise or even execution wise.  Penalty wise they are killing themselves.  They look lazy and undisciplined and that goes no further than the head coach.  It’s shockingly apparent that Wade Phillips has lost this team.  If Jerry Jones wants this team to be relevant at all this season, Phillips needs to go.  There’s still time, too.  It’s now or never. 

-  Detroit has officially become my favorite non Patriots team.  They’re feisty and fiery and entertaining.  I’m going to be torn Thanksgiving Day.  Ok, not even close, but I would not be at all surprised if they shock the Pats. 

-  I know Minnesota won and all, but there were several times during yesterday’s game when I thought ‘Wait, you have a third and short, the best running back in the game and you’re going to pass?’ 

-  While the Colts are 4 – 2, they haven’t impressed me much.  It was nice to see Pierre Garcon finally show up (especially since I have him on my fantasy team) but this team certainly doesn’t seem to be the fine tuned offensive machine we’re used to seeing.  Age?  Injuries?  New coaches?  All of the above?

-  Can we officially put to bed the ‘Mike Martz is an offensive genius’ now?  His one good team just happened to have a Hall of Fame running back and Hall of Fame quarterback in the same system.  Maybe it was the players and not the coaching?  Perhaps having Jay Cutler making the decisions in place of Kurt Warner is a problem. 

-  San Diego is officially in trouble.  2 – 4 and here are the next 5 games:  New England, Tennessee, at Houston, Denver, at Indy.  3 – 8 isn’t out of the question.  I wonder if Philip Rivers head will literally explode if that happens.

-  I have to express my astonishment at Steven Jackson.  He’s still powering through and putting up great numbers even after years of playing on crappy teams and being the only weapon.  Have you ever heard him complain?  I want St Louis to be good just because he’s earned it. 

-  Could Kevin Kolb actually be good?  He impressed the shit out of me yesterday and even managed to seamlessly shift to new receivers when he lost DeSean Jackson.  Now what do the Eagles do when Vick is healthy?  Awesome problem to have.

-  Don’t look now but it looks like the Saints have finally recovered from their Super Bowl hangover. I know. One game.  

-  I know they’re  5 – 1.  I know they beat the Patriots.  I know they have a resurgent and pissed off Tomlinson on their team.  I know they have a good defense.  So why am I still not sold on the Jets?  

-  The only thing to take away from the San Fran – Oakland game is that the 49ers won’t go winless this season.  That’s about it.  What a terrible game.  Sometimes that blackout rule can be a blessing. 

Stat of the Week:  Dallas out gained Minnesota in total offense 314 – 188 and lost.  In fact, Dallas has out gained every team it has played this season and is 1 – 4.  Penalties are a bitch. 

Today’s distraction:  Some great tear off ads.  I wish I had time to think up this crap. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

TV Land

My DVR has been in over drive the past few weeks trying to keep up with all the new and returning programs.  Since I consider watching television my part time job, here are thoughts on what I've seen so far.

House:  Cuddy and House are an item now and I'm not liking this turn of events much.  House seems neutered by the relationship and hasn't been his usual, bastard self.  There was some signs of snarkiness last week, but it's been a subpar season, so far.  Shout out to Chase, though, for somehow morphing into my favorite character.  He sticks up for himself, seems smarter and funnier than ever and is trying to nail every chick that enters his peripheral vision.  

Community:  Still one of the funniest, quirkiest and rapid fire shows out there.  Has also spawned my favorite quote of the year when Britta - making fun of the wholesome and flirtatious Annie - said 'I like pelicans.  They're all feathery and pelicany...'  

Modern Family: I was worried this show would begin trying to hard or lose it's mojo after their Emmy winning first season, but nothing could be further from the truth.  Still hitting out of the park every week.  

Lone Star:  Already canceled with good reason.  I could get behind the story (although how long they could keep it up is another issue), but I had a huge problem with the lead actor who would plaster on his fake Justin Bieber-ish smile in place of actual charm.  Besides, having us root for a good looking scumbag who's screwing over two different women he's supposedly in love with is a HUGE hurdle.  

The Event:  I'll admit this show is intriguing and entertaining enough to hold my interest, but there are a ton of plot holes and 'are you shitting me?' moments.  I may be dropping it soon.  I'm also not sure if The Event of the title is something that has already happened (first contact?) or is on the verge of happening.  That I've come up with possible theories on what is going on could be a good sign.  

The Good Wife:  Still one of the best shows on television.  Forget that it's about a politician's betrayed wife and watch it for the best acting, writing and directing you'll see on television anywhere.  This is not a chick show, just to be clear.  It's intelligent and funny and addicting.  Give it a shot.  

The Office:  Still funny although I feel like I missed a bunch of shows.  When did Dwight buy the building?  When did the new receptionist start dating Gabe, the HR dude?  Not as good as it used to be, but it's still worth watching.  

30 Rock:  Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan - still EGOTing his way to oblivion - are the main draws here.  Elizabeth Banks also steals every brief scene she's in.  Although, I still vow to drop this if Julianne Moore and her terrible Boston accent even shows up in the background.  It's a matter of principle.  

Detroit 187:  A funky, off beat, if somewhat standard cops and robbers show.  There's a hint of damage to most of the characters and definitely something Autistic about Imperioli's character that I'm enjoying.  While a fantastic detective, he's so socially stunted that he can barely carry on conversations with his new partner without a cell phone as the mediator.  

The Defenders:  I tried to be objective, but 'According to Jim' is still fresh in my mind and I'm not ready to let Jim Belushi off the hook quite yet.  Besides, this might not make it until next year. 

Cougar Town:  Honestly, I hated this show when it first started but I wound up watching it because Wifey seemed to enjoy it and it followed Modern Family.  Guess what?  It's not bad.  The guys are actually the funniest thing about it even if we do have to suffer through an extremely creepy mother/son relationship that would have ended in a Norman Bates reenactment if this were real life.  This got infinitely better when it stopped being all about Courtney Cox.  

Outsourced:  Holy fuck is this show NOT funny.  Awkward and strange is the only way I can describe it.  

Jersey Shore:  I've been hooked on this since summer and have flirted with posting a 5000 word essay on why I think The Situation is a closeted (even from himself) homosexual.  What's absolutely shocking is I find myself liking some of these douches.  Pauly cracks me up at least three times an episode and it's hard not to feel bad when Vinny gets stood up by some girl he just met.  Still, an hour a week is all I can tolerate with these people.  I'm fairly sure I wouldn't last three hours in the same house without killing one of them.  

That's all I've got going for now.  I need some of these shows to get canceled or just decide to be terrible so I can forget them.  I barely have time for movies lately.  Fuck that!

Today's distraction:  Creative and hilarious egg art.  No really!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Week 5 Postmortem

It was Bizzaro World in the NFL yesterday. 

Arizona, who looked terrible last week, beat the defending Super Bowl champs.

Detroit, winless on the season, crushed the St Louis 44 – 6 during which Shawn Hill, relegated to the QB scrap heap in the off season, threw three touchdown passes and posted an impressive 117.6 rating.  Although, they were playing the Rams. 

Sidenote:  Blog friend, Jum, has informed me that he has a personal connection to Hill and says he’s a good guy.  Thus, I am now rooting for him to take the starting job away from Stafford.  More on this in a bit. 

Oakland, who haven’t defeated the Chargers since the Nixon administration (unverified) beat them 35 – 27. 

Buffalo, winless on the season….oh, well, maybe everything is right in the world after all. 

On a quick fantasy note, I thought I was in store for my weekly fuck over when Matt Forte posted 25 points (over 100 yards and two TDs) in the first half of the first quarter.  Thankfully, Todd Collins had money riding on the Panthers and threw four interceptions to keep the ball out of Forte’s hands, thus minimizing the damage.  I should send him a case of beer or something. 

Onto the games. 

-  Let’s say you’re the Lions coaches.  First, off, I’m sorry.   Second, your starting quarterback and admitted future of your organization gets hurt and you plug in cast off Shaun Hill who is not only doing an admirable job, but making your team downright competitive.  Your team nearly topples the Packers in Green Bay and you just destroyed a similar hapless team.  Despite your 1 – 4 record, you’re actually showing signs of life.  If you weren’t robbed of an obvious touchdown against the Bears….sorry....

Eventually, Stafford will heal (assumption!) which raises the question of what you do when he does come back.  If Hill leads you to a few more wins, do you just stick with him and let Stafford pick it up next season? 

Thankfully, for that Detroit staff, it looks like the schedule may dictate that decision for them.  Check out the remaining games:  at Giants, bye, Redskins, Jets, at Bills, at Cowboys, Patriots (Thanksgiving game), Bears, Packers, at Buccaneers, at Dolphins, Vikings. 

Allow me to say it for you, Detroit:  holy shit!  That’s the schedule for one of the worst teams in the league last season?  Even playing well, they won’t beat more than three of those teams. 

-  Fantasy receiver to keep an eye on:  Steve Johnson from Buffalo (I know, but still) who seems to be emerging with Fitzpatrick taking over at QB.  Five catches with two being touchdowns yesterday.  If nothing else, the Bills now seem capable of putting up points.

-  While we’re here, what in holy hell is going on with the resurgence of Roy Williams and Terrell Owens?  Where have these guys been the last two years?  And what’s prompted this turn around?

-  If I had to bet my life on any one game this past weekend it would have been the Saints beating the Cardinals.  Arizona looked atrocious the last two weeks and didn’t really play that much better yesterday.  Yet, here they are at 3 – 2.

-  Least impressive in victory:  Atlanta for the third week in a row.  That said, they’re still 4 – 1.  I’m not impressed in the least with Matt Ryan, by the way.

-  While I love the Red Zone channel with everything I am, there are still painful moments like the following that I may be better off not witnessing live:  My fantasy RB, Jamaal Charles pounds his way for nine yards while I cheer from my couch only to see the football pop out of his hands.  Sixteen different Colt players (some may have come from the sidelines) pounce on the ball while I am frozen, mid fist pump.  Talk about a deflating moment. 

-  Forget the Cowboys 1 – 3 record or that loss to the Titans or the talent on the roster.  Dallas just looks like a poorly coached team.  Bad penalties, stupid mistakes, sloppy all around.  And this is coming off a bye week.  Regardless of what Jerry Jones says Wade Phillips won’t last the season if this keeps up. 

-  Is it possible Green Bay isn’t nearly as good as everyone has been saying?  Is Ryan Grant really that irreplaceable? 

-  I would like to welcome Ray Rice to the 2010 NFL season.  Sure he’s four games late, but better late than never, right?  Right?

-  I’m not sure what to make of Matt Schaub.  He’s up one week, down the next and seemingly trying to kill my second fantasy team.  Might be time for Donovan McNabb to take the starter role.  Yes, those words frighten me like no others. 

I also wonder if this Arian Foster craze peaked in week one. 

-  I’m extremely concerned about Pierre Garcon who I picked thinking he was going to bust out this season.  Instead he’s been dropping passes, had a hamstring problem and is thiiiiiss  Just seems weird the guy that was Manning’s go to guy the last half of last season suddenly can’t catch the ball. 

-  The two media darling teams in the preseason – San Francisco and Green Bay – are a combined 3 – 7. 

Stat of the Week:  New Orleans held Arizona to 41 yards rushing , 5.3 yards per pass, a combined QB rating of less than 61, didn’t give up an offensive touchdown and still lost by ten points. 

Today’s distraction:  The most bizarre shoes ever.  The ones on number three actually make sense.  Would you tell any woman wearing those that you don’t really want to get married?

Saturday, October 9, 2010

So Sorry

Work's been a bitch and I've been her whipping boy the past week.  Apologies for the lack of entries.  To make up for it here are a few, quick random thoughts that have rattled around in my mammoth noggin the past few days.

-  I had such a good feeling heading into the Twins - Yankees series.  The Yankees rotation was a mess, they've been slogging through the last month of the season and seemed ripe for the taking.  Plus, I just got finished watching 'Four Days In October' about the Red Sox comeback in the 2004 ALCS.  Now the Yankees are up 2 - 0 heading back to New York.

Still, Twins fans.  Maybe winning three straight and crushing the hearts of Yankee fans everywhere is the only way to get over this hump.  Come on!!  Carry the mantle!  Why not you???

-  Wondered going into the playoffs if the Rangers were legit.  Question answered.  Pitching, defense, hitting, they can do it all and are showing the Rays what playoff baseball is all about.

-  Besides being busy, I'm a bit traumatized.  One of my best work friends (ever, not just here) has just given notice and is moving to New York to be near family.  She is one of the last remaining Beer O'Clock crew members and work is going to suck infinitely more without her around.  I would say I'm depressed, but whenever a long time employee leaves it means a night of free drinks on the company.  So I've got that to look forward to.

Besides, this is a new age with email, cell phones, texts and all sort of other electronic communication makes keeping in touch easier than ever.  It's not like I'll never talk to her again in some form.  It was just comforting having her here.  Everyone needs a work vent and she's been mine for five years.  Things might get ugly around here.

-  For the record, the Beer O'Clock crew consisted of the following people throughout the years:

DA - rekindled the entire concept with the JJ Foley Friday lunches.  Moved back to LA
AR - moved to LA
AL - laid off
AL - still here
ML - just gave notice
JTR - still here, but engaged and seemingly becoming responsible.  We don't hang out much any more.
KZ - founding member who moved to NY
BH - moved to Dallas
JC - moved to Chicago
MF - quit
MB - quit

My one hope is that all the members who have scattered to other parts of the country are continuing the tradition of drinking their asses off during work hours.  And not getting caught.  That's key.

-  I would think that's one of the under appreciated aspects of this recession (yes, I think we're still in the middle of it): not just companies losing workers, but the remaining workers losing friends thus making work life that much more intolerable.

-  Do I need to start self examining myself to answer why everyone keeps leaving me?  I hope not, because I'm not real good at that stuff.

-  As much as I bitch about my job and friends bailing on me to live their lives (seriously, how dare they?), I consider myself extremely lucky after reading about the ordeal the Chilean miners are going through. We also may not hear about such an unlikely turn of events for a very long time.  Check out the timeline attached to the article.

-  Walking home from the train yesterday I witnessed this exchange from an obviously nutty woman.  She drove down the hill I live on, blew through a stop sign and into oncoming traffic which had to stop suddenly for her.  The traffic coming the other direction did not stop, which prompted her to give the finger to three cars that rightfully shouldn't have let her go.  The fourth car, sensing insanity in the area, stopped and waved her in.  Crazy's response to this polite manner?  She pulls in front of the line of cars and stops dead.  Holding up traffic for two minutes before the woman who waved her in finally floors it to go around her.  As the polite woman drives past, the nutty one gives her the finger, as well.  For what, exactly, I'm not sure.

People suck.

Gotta go.  Wifey is back with a van full of groceries.  Some of which better be beer.  Enjoy the rest of the weekend.

Today's distraction:  Eight fabulously enormous products from Mannacher Schlemmer.  If I ever become obscenely rich, I'm getting that submarine and waterslide.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Week 4 Postmortem

Allow me a quick rant:

For the third time in four weeks I’ve lost my fantasy matchup even though I’ve scored the second most points in our entire league.  Yeah, I know you don’t care, but even you have to admit that this is getting weird. 

I scored 133 points (we do points per reception) with the guy beating me at 142.  The next highest was 127.  I’m currently 1 – 3, in eight place with the second most points in our league.   Even the leader (4 – 0) has fewer points than me.  

I ask: What the fuck is going on here?  Bullshit!  That’s what.  I call bullshit!!

Ok, no more of that. 

Let’s get right to it, because I watched the first half of Sunday’s game in total amazement.  Has there ever been a worse performance by an offensive line/quarterback combo in league history?  Jay Cutler was sacked nine (9) times in the first half.  He actually finished with negative fantasy points in one of my leagues. 

Negative.  As in minus 3 points.  He’s a starting quarterback!!  Has that ever happened before?  Hell, even Jamarcus Russell would put up 8 -10 points.  How is that even possible?  And how many points did the Giants defense score? 

Hold on….looking that up right now.

Thirty three!  The Giants D/SP had thirty three points and outscored Cutler by thirty six.  Un-fucking-believable!  Ten sacks, two interceptions, fumble recovery and two Cutler testicles. 

-  So McNabb won back at Philly.  Who gives a flying fuck?  Would that have been the case if Vick stayed in the game?  By the way, Vick had more fantasy points than Cutler even though he played about five minutes.  Oh, this will be a recurring theme. 

-  If Vick comes up lame, are the Eagles required to shoot him in the head and bury him in the back yard?  Could they at least electrocute him?

-  As woeful as Chicago looked, the Cardinals looked even worse.  They were comically bad in all phases of the game.  41 – 10 doesn’t even come close to describing it.  By the way, Legadu Naanee had one catch for eight yards and had more fantasy points than Cutler. 

-  I’ve been on my buddy since opening day about having Flacco as his starting quarterback.  He look terrible again yesterday and I’m texting him nasty (but fun) messages.  Then Flacco throws the second most beautiful pass of the day (see below) to win the game.  How can a player look so rattled and incompetent most of the day only to throw a perfect pass when it matters most? 

-  As for the most beautiful pass?  That was actually an incompletion.  Titans down 6 with 30 something seconds to go.  Vince Young takes snap, steps to his left a bit and hurls a PERFECT pass to…actually…I don’t remember how it was.  Kenny Britt?  Anyway, receiver has two defenders on him but the ball still comes down right over his head into his hands and through.  On the ground.  Neither defender could get a hand on it.

My favorite part of the entire play was Young’s reaction.  No temper tantrums, just a slight ‘Eh, whatta ya gonna do’ smile on his face.  I like that demeanor in a quarterback. 

-  The least impressive team while winning:  The Atlanta Hawks.  If it weren’t for Roddy White’s game saving strip, they would have lost – at home – to the 49ers.  From their asses they pulled that win. 

-  We’re currently in the battle for worst team in the league.  I’m eliminating the Lions because they’re at least fun to watch and have some fire to them for once.  It’s between the Bills and Panthers.  I would also add any Seahawks game they play on the road. 

-  Brandon Tate is the most electrifying Patriots rookie ever.  EVER!  I can’t remember a guy like this playing on a New England team.  I might be in love in a very macho, manly way.   

Questions after week 4:

-  Is anyone convinced Jimmy Clausen is going to make a decent NFL quarterback?

-  What is going on with the Panthers running game?

-  Will we see a more clutch kick this season than Josh Scobee’s 58 yarder to beat the Colts?

-  Will Ray Rice score a touchdown this season?

-  Are the Rams better than we thought?  Sam Bradford is going to get better as the season goes on and he’s already pretty decent. 

-  Are the Dolphins decent or terrible?

-  Will Brett Favre quit halfway through the season, thus spurring a Vikings run to the Super Bowl?

-  Will the Bills or Lions win a game?

-  Will the real Tennessee Titans please stand up?

Stat of the Week:  Sean Hill led the Lions in passing (331 yards) and rushing (53 yards).  Michael Vick’s got nothin’ on HIM!!!

Today’s distraction:  Check out the most anticipated sci-fi movies.  I disagree with Transformers 3, by the way.  If it’s anything like the second one I want no part of it.  The Green Hornet with Seth Rogan could be terrible, as well.  Just a gut feeling.