Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Week 7 Postmortem

Apparently I have angered the forces of fantasy football. I’m not sure what I’ve done but I’m prepared to make blood sacrifices (my psycho dog immediately springs to mind as a viable option) or atone in any manner deemed appropriate.

For whatever I’ve done, fantasy football, I am truly sorry.

Or maybe I just used up all my mojo with last year’s improbable run to the crown. Whatever the reason, I’ve been scoring in bunches, still losing, and now I’ve lost my starting QB (Romo) for the season.

Therefore, I am starting fresh. My season starts now. I can still put together a winning streak. I am thinking positive despite my last place standing (yet, third place scoring). Thanks to parity, I’m only 5 games out of the lead. I can do this.

Things have to turn around, right?

RIGHT???!!!!

I should have known better than to hitch my wagon to the cursed Dallas Cowboy train, anyway. The normally sure handed Miles Austin was dropping passes last night like his daughter was being held hostage by bookies. Romo has been decent fantasy wise, but terrible NFL wise and now he’s paid the ultimate price for a shaky offensive line.

It all ends now. Want to know who I’m hooking my fates with now? You’ll never guess (mainly because it’s slightly insane): Buffalo. I just picked up Ryan Fitzpatrick and have had Steve Johnson on my bench since week 3. Coach (that would be me) is putting both in. I now live and die by the Buffalo Bills’ offense.

Holy shit, I need a drink.

On to the games.

- Is there a less impressive 5 – 2 team than the Giants? One week their defense looks historically good (Chicago), the next they get run all over. One week their offense looks terrible. The next they rack up 41 points. What gives? Does it depend on whether Tom Coughlin took a healthy shit that week?

- Ironically, the best thing that could have happened to Wade Phillips was losing Romo for a bunch of time. Now both he and Jerry Jones can point to that as an excuse for his abysmal coaching performance. He should have been gone weeks ago.

- The single most entertaining game of the week was – shockingly – Buffalo at Baltimore. Watching RedZone it seemed they were going to that game every ten minutes. Just non stop, back and forth offense. Who knew Fitzpatrick had this in him. Take note, too, that Buffalo may have exposed this Ravens defense. They looked bewildered and on their heels all afternoon. Shell shocked would be an appropriate term.

- How many people lost their suicide pools when Cleveland beat the Saints in New Orleans? 85%. 90%??

- Do you think Bear fans are still happy with the Orton for Cutler trade? Four more interceptions on Sunday for Super Jay. If I had enough moves I would just keep picking up whatever defense was playing Chicago throughout the season.

- By the way, the Redskins and Bears both have 4 – 3 records and both looked terrible on Sunday.

- Statement game of the week: Titans 37 – Eagles 19. That statement was ‘You’re not ready’ to Philly. The sub statement B was to Kevin Kolb: ‘We’re not convinced’.

- I know this is Kansas City and all, but I love watching that team play. No, I can’t believe I’m writing that either. Every offensive play of theirs I’m on the edge of my seat. ‘Is Charles going to break this one? Will Jones? Maybe Cassel with throw a bomb to McCluster or Bowe!!!’ I supposed I should be ashamed to admit this, but that team gets me downright giddy.

- Todd Haley – Coach of the Year. Oh yeah. I went there.

- I should point out that next week Buffalo plays at Kansas City. As much as I love Red Zone, I may watch that entire game for the pure entertainment value.

- Did anyone else understand that convoluted and confused ruling on Big Ben’s fumble at the goal line? It certainly seemed that the refs could have simply walked onto the field and said ‘I dunno!’, shrugged their shoulders and walked off. Would have made just as much sense.

- This now makes two teams who have been robbed of wins by stupid calls this season. Miami on Sunday and Detroit in week one. I thought replay was supposed to stop this bullshit?

- After losing to Carolina, can we put to rest that this 49er team is supposed to be good? Can’t we all admit that they were wildly over rated?

- Fantasy story that doesn’t involve me whining: My buddy has Kenny Britt on his team and decided to bench him in place of Beanie Wells (see, someone like this should be in last place). After watching Britt pull in three TDs my other friend and I decided to spend the rest of the afternoon ragging on him. Things like ‘Wow, Roddy White had a great game. Almost Kenny Britt numbers!’ We laughed and laughed.

- I would also like to point out that this same friend has the distinction of benching Tom Brady for the Titans game last season. You know the one where Brady threw for six touchdowns? Yeah that one. It was made worse by the fact that he attended that same game in Foxboro and couldn’t enjoy it once Brady kept throwing TD after TD. This now makes two straight seasons he’s benched an historic performance. Well done.

- If you want a reason to play fantasy, you need to consider the trash talking to be done. The friend above complained about something on the league web page. I replied with ‘Dude, only you could complain when you’ve wrapped up your week with a win already and lead the league in scoring this week.’

His reply ‘I don’t lead the league this week’
Mine: ‘I was talking about the players on your bench’

- In case you missed it, Tampa Bay defeated St Louis in the least exciting one point NFL game of all time.

- That Max Hall experiment didn’t last too long in Arizona. You think the Cardinal fans are pining for the Matt Leinert days?

- Considering what Adrian Peterson has done this year, perhaps my fantasy offense was seriously considering selecting Ray Rice with the second pick in our draft. Did Peterson sense that and is exacting vengeance on my team for my doubting him? If so, I sincerely apologize to you, Mr Peterson. I will never doubt you again.

Favre, yes, but never you. In fact, Farve is responsible for ruining what should be an MVP season for you. I think you know this since you just ‘accidentally’ stomped on his ankle breaking it in two places. Get the old man out of the way and do your thing. I am fully behind you all the way.

Stat of the Week: Oakland’s first half possessions went thusly: Touchdown, Touchdown, Field Goal, Touchdown, Punt, Touchdown, Punt. That doesn’t include an interception return for a touchdown that came exactly eight seconds after their first.



Today’s distraction: Seriously, America. What the fuck?

4 comments:

A Tribute: deer a train and basketball said...

Fantasy has been a weird one for me this year. I either win by 40 pts. or only put up 60 pts. and get crushed. Not very consistent.

Jum said...

Funny, we have the exact same QB scenario. Within 3 seconds of seeing Romo hit the ground Monday night, I was trolling the free agent list. I also signed Fitzpatrick yesterday, then later in the day pulled off a blockbuster that landed me Roethlisberger, and I didn't give up a single starter. It pays to draft good sleepers in the mid-rounds.

BeachBum said...

Some ass from our league thought they could catch me desperate and offered me Eli Manning for Adrian Peterson. I rejected it in 2.3 seconds and in the comments added 'With Extreme Prejudice'.

Jum said...

You should've just emailed him back a picture of your middle finger.